Thursday May 20, 2010

"I am the true vine, and my Father is the gardener. He cuts off every branch in me that bears no fruit, while every branch that does bear fruit he prunes so that it will be even more fruitful...No branch can bear fruit by itself; it must remain in the vine. Neither can you bear fruit unless you remain in me... apart from me you can do nothing." John 15: 1-2, 4, 5

I only have praises in my lips to my loving Father today, he is so awesome, so great. In his mercy and grace He has grant me life, every breath I take is by his grace only, every moment is a gift... like Madisa's song says... today the blue sky is bluer, the green grass is greener, the bright sun is brighter...

I had my MRI done at Shands Tuesday, saw the doctor and his feedback was... "Sofia, you do not need surgery. The mass still there, but probably as we suspected before, you had that mass since you were born, and you may have the mass for the rest of your life"... then, he gave the mass a fancy name... L'hermite Duclos, Hema Dysplacia...or something like that... he said that honestly he has no answers or reasons that explain why the mass had swollen on the first place, and how it shrunk after... the had no explanation for all the things that took me to the hospital 2 times and kept me for 5 days in a bed each time...

At this point the mass has no grow, change shape or texture, he assured me is not a tumor, not cancer, otherwise it would have shown changes already. He assured me and show me the MRI slides, the mass is not harmful, is not blocking any chambers, the fluid is good and flowing normally.

Whats next? he advices he keep following up with an MRI in 6 months, then if no changes another MRI in a year, then in 2 years, 3 and so on...
Is this doctor taking it too lightly? well, it is not just this doctor... there is a team of doctors that discuss my case, the head doctor is the one that talked to me...however, no matter how many degrees a doctor carries, they are just humans, they don't know everything, but my confidence is in the great physician "God".

It's been a 5 month journey for me... pain, fear, anger, confusion... my faith has been tested, and God has shown me many aspects of my heart that I was not aware of, I have learned a lot of things, especially to trust in Him completely. I still have so much more to learn, I am glad the Lord is not done with me yet =) But, my faith has become stronger, my self-confidence has been change to confidence in Him, the way I see life is much different now... I am living and enjoying my present much more instead of living in the past and working so hard for the future (that only God holds for me).

Today, I had another counseling session (maybe the last one). I am so bless I was referred to this counseling center (and my counselor in particular).
I'm not sure if the Lord is telling me something, but the counselor told me something a friend just told me a day ago... unconditional love... love people just as they are, don't expect them to react to a situation the way you will react, because everyone is different. Don't cut them off your life just because they did not respond to you the way you would have respond if you would have been in the same situation ...
we do not have the power to change people, we just have to accept them the way they are... that's to love unconditionally, no strings attached.
She told me "just like a butterfly, if you disrupt the natural process of the cocoon, the way it needs to mature before the butterfly comes out... if you blow on it, or try to get the butterfly out before time, then you end killing the butterfly... sometimes you just need to wait and watch it grow, mature, and love the process, love the imperfect cocoon, and wait.

Although I've been writing the blog to keep everyone updated about my health and doctors results... I may keep writing more, I have really enjoyed sharing with my good friends the "happenings" in my life, Bible verses, and more.

Love you all, thank you for all your prayers, I know God heard everyone of them.

God bless you,

Sofia