Shands, Tuesday, December 14, 2010

Hi to all Eastgaters and beyond,

I am writing this with Sofia's knowledge to give you the news. We were seen right away when we arrived at the ER last night. There were many who came to see her for treatment purposes and it was bittersweet for them to see her again. With all of that activity, neither of us got much sleep. But we got here safely and there was no black ice or snow during our trip, so we are both thankful for that.

There was a tiny hole on the right side of the 5th staple up from the bottom of her incision. It was leaking spinal fluid, so they sewed it up to prevent infection from entering the brain. She has been admitted to room 115-08, for how long we do not know. Several tests were completed today: blood work, a urinalysis, a CT scan and a lumbar puncture. Preliminary results show that there is reason to believe that there may be another hole in the next layer below the skin, called the fascia (I'm not sure of the spelling) which will need to be closed. Also, the dr. who did the lumbar puncture said that 'the pressure is a little higher than they would like.' The medical team is now discussing the value of a new surgery. If done, it would consist of closing the still existing hole and / or putting in a shunt to drain the fluid, but no surgery has been scheduled at this time.

Sofia and I have both caught up on our sleep today and she is looking rested, texting one-handed, directing nurses and questioning doctors.

She prefers to text only, and that will be as she has energy and time, and requests that, if you are wanting to phone for information, that you talk to me at 850 890 1618 as she has put in her voicemail message. For your convenience, I will try to have that phone on me at all times. I know that you are all concerned, so you may call most any time. One or both of us will probably be up! That is the nature of hospital life. For the time being, I am sleeping in her room only leaving to take care of necessities or to give her privacy.

Sofia has 2 specific prayer requests: 1. that they do not have to install a shunt and 2. that they do not have to do another lumbar puncture as it is very painful even though the dr. doing that procedure is very experienced.

The nurses are great and so are the doctors! We are very grateful for your prayers and your calls, and that Sofia is receiving such thorough care. We pray that you will continue to keep Sofia, and all who are caring for her, in your prayers. Visitors are welcome, and visiting hours are flexible.

We miss you all very much and will try to watch at least one service on Sunday. We will let you know if and when we are watching.

Sofia says, "God bless you all and God is giving me the strength to do all this. Praises to Him always."

Bye for now,

Sue

Dec 6 Shands from sofia

"Indescribable, uncontainable, You place the starts in the sky and named them, you are an amazing God" Yes, it is me, very quick while I have some energy, it is 12 here, but you know hospitals they wake u up for your hep shot in the belly that really hurts, take vitals, etc.
Mama has done an amazing job at keeping you guys updated with this blog (thank you mami) God has put her as my mom when He knew I needed her, His grace is amazing.
Thank you for all your words of encouragement, means a lot to be loved and prayers.
Many of you say I am inspiration for you, but honestly I feel like this little kid crying out to God every day. I have passed through the furnace (big surgery) and He was with me. All the doctors are amaze at how well I am doing after a surgery like this, they thought I will lose control on my right arm and other things, praise our Jesus I can move both hands, both feet, see, talk and hear, His grace is amazing. I am covered by the armor of God, He will never forget me or forsake me, what a present!
At this point if God grants me life I think I know what he wants me to do...something I learn in this hospital... I been fighting so bad to get my license in hygiene and then in RN, thinking is money and ministry...but money really means nothing... when I see the PCAs here coming with a smile, with a servant heart (most of the PCAs are christians) they sing praises to God when they come, do the service job, sponge baths, caterers, vitals, change your bedding, etc... one of them said to me, this is not the best paid job, but is not bad either, Jesus came to serve, not to be served. When the nurses come of course is with the knowledge, they know what meds to give you, when and when u need them, they are very nice too, but the real service is below them. If I do well in all these and God wants me for much longer I believe has become clear that service is what I should do, spread the gospel through what I am going through and give the word of hope and serve with a happy heart.
As I txt before, one morning this cleaning guy came to pick the trash, he was singing to the Lord, said good morning and smile...I said to him, please keep smiling like that and singing to the rooms you go, you have a way to bright the day for the sick...he said, I dont do much, I only pick trash, but I am happy I can leave a little seed of love everywhere I go in this hospital...man...no matter what you do always praise God, ppl watch every step and attitude we have.
Prayers I need....many! last night was terrible, nothing will take my headache away, they dopped me and even gave me morphine and did not work, puked many times (sorry for the details) and not till 5 this afternoon I started to feel better. Dr. says CT Scan shows brain fluids are doing well, that is gonna b an up and down for about 2 weeks now, puking, headaches, etc, part of the deal...the doc said...Sofia 60% of your cerebellum has been removed cause the good cells became malignant, so we had to remove as much as we could... part of the back bone was taken out and not put back, we drill on your brain to put the draining tube... u r gonna b in a lot of pain for about 2 weeks, is part of it...days free of headaches, days with really bad headaches...they are not gonna do the final test which is the spinal tap (take a small portion of the spinal fluid to check there are not malignant cells). I did not want chemo or radio, but the pediatrician that was added to the board (because this type of malignant medulla blastoma is seen only in children) said that they have failed every time when surgery is only done, 100% of the times come back, so I do need the radiation and chemo to have my 5050 chance. As our pastor Luke said, life is a gift from God, I have so much to teach Bethany about the Lord and life, and I think the Lord has plans for this little life still, so I am gonna fight, not gonna be fun or easy, but with the Lord we can do it all.
Radiation starts on Thursday the 9th and is gonna be for 5 weeks, they said they have to do a full head radiation and spine, so be it, God is in control, I am afraid, but crying to God every moment and He comes and comforts me. Then I am gonna have a break and do chemo, dont know for how long yet, hope this little body can take it.
Our sister Sue Hea has been kind enough to come tomorrow to help me, God always lift someone up for us when in need. Here I am gonna attach a pic that my sister took while here, one of those "good days" that I eat, and no headaches. but please is a big difference...this pic is all "al natural" no make up, no hair, just as I am, the real me! Lol
Prayers I need is that the Lord keeps me cool and not afraid, that my trust in Him grows and grows every day, that I should not be afraid about radio or chemo.....huge prayer...all this med dont let me pee! (again sorry for the details) but there are so many things we take for granted, even peee is a gift that we can do it on our own! please pray I relax enough so I can do it myself.
Thank you mama for the CD player and Julia for the parlants, I can listen to my christian music and my CD bible with it, excellent present!

Dear Friends and Family:

Just a quick update Sofia has been moved to a room in the hospital out of ICU! Her room number is 18 and she is on the 11th floor at Shands. I will get the address and post it soon.

I want to thank all of you for your loving response to and for Sofia. The church ladies, Theresa, Julia, and Sue as point people and then all the rest of you for your comments, prayers, financial support and, of course, the scarves. Also keep praying for Lizzie, Sofia's sister who has a cold. She will need to leave on Saturday, so we ask the angels to be in front of her and behind her on her trip home.

Sue has been gracious enough to be flexible in meeting Sofia's need for someone to be with her. She was going to go this week and cancelled all of her appointments, then we realized that we would need her more next week but we were not sure and she was able to rearrange her schedule again. Now Sue is still going with the flow and looks like she will go next week. Sofia has specifically requested for Sue to be with her during the beginning of the treatment. Many of you know Sue's history with cancer and can understand how, Sue will be able to minister in a way to Sofia that many of us would not be able to do. God meets all our needs in abundance.

Many many blessings and thanks to Sue for her ability to move as the Lord would have her minister. I know that for me it is a blessing to know that someone Sofia knows will be with her. Also, I know some of the other woman would like to go and we will need others along this journey to volunteer some of their time. Theresa may be going this weekend--- I pray a "covering" over all who will travel to minister to Sofia that the Lord's face will shine upon you and that all blessing from God will come your way.

I will keep you updated, but for now Sofia is doing well and we next need to concentrate on keeping her healthy as she beings chemo and radiation therapy. So please continue to pray on this matter.

In Him- susan carroll

You may see more at the web site www.coveringsforsofia.com

God is Faithful December 3, 2010

Dear Family and Friends of Sofia:

Today was a great day. Sofia did not have to have the second operation. We are all praising God for being so faithful to us.

Sofia was very brave today. The Doctor took out the shut that was in place. He had to do this without any numbing because of the nature of the procedure. Sofia said that we will have no idea, never, ever of the pain like she experienced. She said she closed her mouth the best she could, but tears kept falling from her eyes . . . but she goes on and says "But can you imagine the pain our Jesus went through when they put the crown of thorns on him. He could not ask for pain meds to help him out after! He was completely blameless, people were spitting and laughing at Him, but He wore the thorns and loved them and then died for is in so much pain.

Clearly, Sofia has found a place in God where she is learning and understanding that when God says He gave His all, He did and it was for us, in order that we might find LIFE. Today we declare life and love over all who come to this blog. We praise God for the good report and we continue to ask the Lord to hover and cover Sofia in His great love and healing power.

Amen and Amen. In Him- susan carroll

Wednesday December 1, 2010 2 1/2 hour MRI

Dear Family and Friends of Sofia:

I just finished speaking with Sofia and have the latest news on her condition. She has not had a headache today, only when she lays down and this is good news. Also the only pain medication she had to take was during the 2 1/2 hour MRI, because they had her flat on her back not moving at all. We will have the results tomorrow.

We still do not know if she will have the second operation. At this point it is schedule to happen and as of midnight Sofia has to stop eating and drinking in case the operation does occur. Keep praying through the night that it is not necessary for the permanent shunt. God is our bulwark and our fortress in Him do we trust!

We had some financial issues that came up today, but Julia was able to speak with one of Sofia's family members and we were able to have this taken care of for Sofia this month-- this was a big relief to Sofia. We pray many blessing to her family for their faithfulness. I and my staff spent time on the phone with Department of Children and Families regarding medicaid issues and we think we have this resolved--so for now this is also good news.

Sofia told me today that the Director of Radiology met with her and her Nero Doctor yesterday. Apparently, Sofia made impression on the Doctor. They said she was a ray of sunshine in the hospital. This person was the ability to make the decision to keep Sofia right in the hospital to do all of her treatment about 3 weeks of radiation and chemo. So it looks like she will be completely covered financially and will have a place to live during this time (right in the hospital)! God is so amazing, although I am not sure why I say that since that is what He does!!!! Constant amazement. This is what is known as a sign, wonder and miracle!!!

Please pray for Sofia's sister Lizzie. Lizzie has come to stay with Sofia for seven days, even though she just recently had surgery herself. She has caught a cold and is feeling bad. Sofia and Lizzie decided Lizzie should not be with Sofia today because of the possibility of the upcoming surgery. So Lord we do ask you to touch Lizzie and to take away the cold, keep her safe and bless her for the unselfish giving of herself during this time to Sofia.

We are still collecting scarves, kerchiefs, other types of head coverings for Sofia and I thank all who have called, sent money, and other things for Sofia. Sofia's work collected and put together a big bag full of special food items, blankets and things Sofia might need during this time. Our thanks to all of you -- may the Lord bless you and keep you in the palm of his hand.

Sofia wrote to me today the following:
Praises to our God always! Lets us rejoice in Him. We are not alone, He will never leave us, never forsake us. He is next to us at all moments. You (Lord) are so good to me. You laid upon the cross, you are my Jesus in heaven. You are beautiful my sweet, sweet Lord. I will sing of you. Like a rose, laying on the ground, You thought of me above all.. Crucified, left behind a stone, you live to die, rejected and alone... but we love you so.

In Him--susan carroll

P.S. I have an open house every year at my law office for the Panama City Christmas parade which will happen this Saturday, December 4, 2010. This is a time to bring your favorite dish, a lawn chair and come and watch the parade with other Christians (and keep warm inside if need be). You are all invited. The address is 304 Harrison Avenue, Panama City, FL- phone 850-795-9005-- I would love to get to know all of you, so please come.

Christmas Parade December 4, 2010 6:00 pm to 8:00 pm (parking in the back around McKenzie house). Remember to bring a lawn chair and something warm to cover up with as it appears like it will be a cold night! Merry Christmas!

Dear Family and Friends of Sofia:

Today God is showing his faithfulness in many different ways. Yesterday and today, many of you began to response to the "Coverings for Sofia" ministry. We have receive some beautiful scarves and the children at Eastgate Church where Sofia attends have sent her a card which they all signed. Some the ladies are asking if they could go to Shands on the day Sofia has her second operation and others are calling or emailing to just check in on her. It is an amazing thing to watch the body of Christ in action. I love how each one of us are able to respond by using the gifts God has given to us. Thanks to all for your love and support for Sofia. Don't forget to check out www.CoveringforSofia.com

I spoke with the Doctor today at length and Sofia does have medulloblastoma. The type of medulloblastoma is called desmoplasia which is a less aggressive cancer and responds better to treatment than some of the other forms. Sofia will have to have radiology and chemo treatment for approximately six weeks, everyday or at least 5 times a week. The Doctor said that Sofia looks good and is responding well after the operation and he has no concerns from that aspect. We are still tying to see if she will need a second operation to make the shunt permanent. The Doctor is doing what is called "challenging" her brain to see if it will begin to absorb the fluid.

The Doctor stated that tomorrow, November 31, 2010 is a very important day. She will have a full MRI scan to see if the medulloblastoma is in her spinal cord. They are also going to shut the temporary shunt off for the day to see how it goes. If she does not get a bad headache, and does not show any other troubling signs such as a personalty change then it will mean she is absorbing the fluid and the second operation will not be need. PLEASE PRAY that Sofia will NOT need the second operation.

If all goes well tomorrow then Sofia is looking at coming home to Panama City,FL on either Sunday or Monday-- this would be wonderful. We still do not know what type of care she will need when she comes home so we will keep you updated on that. The Doctor said that she should start the follow up treatment within a week or two so that would mean that Sofia would need to go back to Shands to have that done. We are working on funding for this so please pray pray pray that all falls into place so that Sofia can receive the best care she can get.

Sofia told me today that she had met some other girls who have cancer and that this is changing the way she sees things she said, "Mama, I want to do so much for the Lord, He is at work with all of us, all worship and praises to Him!"

In Him-susan carroll

New Web Site for Coverings for Sofia

Dear Friends and Family:

Today, Sunday, 11/28/10, is the Day the Lord has made, may all rejoice and be glad in it! Sofia had a CAT scan today and more testing. They are seeing how her brain looks as the swelling goes down. They are also looking at what is left of the tumor. Sofia is tired after the testing, but when I spoke with her and Theresa, she seem of good spirits. (I had to come back to Panama City, but I have the nurse's number and Doctor's number to keep up with and if needed to get an hour by hour update to share with all of you).

She had a wonderful surprise today as I understand her church, Eastgate, was online this morning waiving to her and praying over her during the service. This electronic age is amazing that the "touch" can be done from around the world. Thanks to all those at Eastgate for your faithfulness in walking your talk!

Sofia's sister Lizzie is to come into day to spend the next 5 days with Sofia. Many blessings to Theresa who gave of herself to come over the Thanksgiving Holidays and minister to her "sister in the Lord.' When someone is in ICU there is constant movement as the nurses check in and do testing about every hour as they monitor Sofia. This keeps the caregiver moving all the time. Sofia cannot even reach for the water next to her without it causing pain, so it is very helpful to have someone there to minister to her. Theresa said she was able to get Sofia to eat some steak and broccoli today, so things are looking good.

Many blessings to Theresa and Lizzie. Also, from Sofia's church Sue Hey is going to be with Sofia as of Monday for a few days. Sue has experience through her own personal life with ICU's and this is a blessing for Sofia to have such good care. Blessings and strength to Theresa, Lizzie and Sue.

I have developed a web site http://www.coveringsforsofia.com/ (I hope it is running!) in order to set up a way for you to give to Sofia with ease. I have set (in process actually) of setting up a donation button for anyone who can help Sofia out financially. I know this will be a blessing both to you and to Sofia. (and her God Mama!). While I have a professional web site for my business, I have never before personally set one up, so anyone who has any suggestions please let me know and I will add to the site.

I have heard that all are excited about "Coverings for Sofia" and I have a sense of excitement about what the Lord will do through this for Sofia, those that give and those she touches.

Keep praying, keep trusting and most of all keep loving the Lord for He is worthy to be praised. He alone has Sofia in the palm of His hand and He is our breath and life. Amen.

Blessing this day to all of you --

In Him- susan carroll

Coverings for Sofia

Dear Family and Friends of Sofia:

Today, Saturday, November 27, 2010, Sofia is doing well. She is still sleeping a lot and is still having a lot of pain, however, it does seem to be getting better. She is eating a little more and in general is doing great. Praise God Theresa is here. She came in last night and will stay until tomorrow when Sofia's sister is to come in. After that Sue Hey will come for a few days. God is covering all bases. I will be leaving today, however, I will still be posting and will keep you updated as I will be in contact with the Doctor and the ICU nurses.

This looks like we will be in for follow-up treatment as we walk step by step through the radiation and chemo treatments. Until Monday we do not exactly know what we are actually dealing with, but we do know it will require treatment. Sofia will have the permanent shunt operation next week and after that will work with the onocology specialist. That is all we know at this time.

More likely than not Sofia will be here for a while. This means that she will not be working. I know that many of you want to do something for Sofia, however, you just are not sure what to do.

I asked the Lord to show me how to proceed and I believe we are to start a "Covering for Sofia" ministry. Because she has had to shave her head, she needs some "covering." She also needs to be "covered" in prayer and she needs to be "covered" financially.

I have discussed this with Sofia and she will allow me to ask you do help me with this.

I would like to have a new kerchief or other head covering for Sofia to wear everyday.

You will pick out a Kerchief or other head covering to give to Sofia. If you feel like you can you may put a donation within the folds of the kerchief to help Sofia financially.

This ministry is based upon Acts 19:11-12

God did extraordinary miracles through Paul, so that even handkerchiefs and aprons that had touched him where taken to the sick and their illnesses were cured and evil spirits left them.

You will pray over the kerchiefs, we will pray them and then Sofia will wear it and pray over it too.

Each day Sofia will wear a new kerchief because each day she will give the one she is wearing to someone else in need. This way the Lord will be glorified in all things.

I believe that Sofia has a strong gift of evangelism and this will be one of the ways the Lord will use her. As she touches people you will be touching people too. What a blessing.

So please go and find the perfect head covering for Sofia and you may either send it to me at
Susan Carroll, 304 Harrison Avenue, Panama City, FL 32401 or bring it to my office (same address) and I will collect them to give to her. My office phone number is 850-785-9005 (this is my law office and everyone there loves Sofia and will be able to help you.)

We will be setting up a bank account for her so that you may give her a donation as time goes on. I will keep you posted on the name of the bank and how you can make a deposit.

As you can see from the picture above we have already started Sofia's new ministry and I would love to have a different head covering for her each and everyday of the coming year. Call your friends and let everyone know to do this and we will seek to "cover" the whole world with Sofia's coverings for the Lord.

Many Blessings to all In Him- susan carroll

P.S. Please post "Coverings for Sofia" this to your FB page or Twitter and let's go viral with it! Blessings in the name of the Lord.

Suggested post:

"Coverings for Sofia" a young woman who has a brain tumor needs head coverings. We are standing on Acts19:11-12. You may send her a kerchief, pray over it and we will pray. Sofia will wear one a day, pray over it and give it to someone each day- we will cover the world in prayer. Send to 304 Harrison Avenue, Panama City, FL 32401. Refer them to her blog @ www.sofiawilcox.blogspot.com

Doctor's Visit Friday Afternoon about 2:45 p.m.

Dear Family and Friends:

Well, Sofia has been sleeping most of the day. She is eating some and drinking a little more today than yesterday. So that is good. She is still in much pain and it hurts her to move too much. Some of you have called to talk with her, however, this is really too much for her to focus on a phone conversation. She is talking well to me and those here, but it takes effort. I would think that by Monday or Tuesday she may be ready to talk, but we will wait and see.

When we came here, the tumor had grown to a size that it had closed down some of the flow of the fluid in her brain. The major reason initially for the surgery was to unblock the obstruction and allow the fluid to flow. The back up of fluid caused her brain to be "squashed" (this is not a medical term, but something I made up :) ) within her brain and was swelling the brain area. with too much pressure. The Doctor had to go in and place what is called a shunt, which is something like a drain hose, into her brain to drain the fluid into a bag outside her body. Normally the body absorbs the fluid, but since there was an obstruction to the flow there was no absorption. The shunt acts in a manner of draining the fluid out of her body. At this time she is still putting out a lot of fluid which means that there is still obstruction in her brain that could not be removed by the operation.

Now there is more flow, but still little absorption. Since I am not a doctor I am not sure I really have this exactly right, although I believe I am fairly close. Since she is still draining so much fluid it appears like she will have to have a second operation. The second operation would be to place the shunt within her going from her brain into her belly for elimination of the fluid. This will mean going in where the shunt is currently and opening that part of the brain up a little more and then a small incision behind her ear with a small tube about the size of a spaghetti noodle running right under her skin and then a third incision into her belly.

Normally when someone has this done, it is only an overnight stay. In Sofia's case, since she has just had the tumor removal, they will keep her a few days after that operation. We still do not know exactly what we are dealing with until Monday. On Monday we will have another CAT scan and receive the lab results.

It appears like Sofia will remain in the hospital at least until next Friday or even till Monday week, depending on how everything goes.

The Doctor said he actually had the lead Doctor (the head of oncology) that will take over Sofia's case at his house for Thanksgiving dinner yesterday and they discussed Sofia's case, however, they do not want to make any decisions until we are absolutely positive as to what we are dealing with.

At this point Sofia is actually presenting very well, with NO complications from the brain surgery itself which in and of itself is a blessing and much Thanks to God for this.

Sofia will remain in ICU the whole time, so it is not possible for her to receive any flowers. I will be leaving tomorrow and her friend Teresa will be here for a day. Then Sofia's sister Lizzie will come for a while. I do not know how long she will be able to stay. We will all continue reading any comments and thoughts you may post to Sofia here at this blog.

My great Thanks to God our Father for His precious love to us and His touch upon our lives.

In Him- susan carroll

Friday Morning Update 11/26/10

Good Morning from Sofia and Susan:

Sofia is doing well. She was able to get some sleep. It is difficult when nurses and doctors keep coming in all night long, but we made it through. Early this morning we were able to give her a sponge bath which she said felt really good. She is not eating well, the medications make her nauseous. All day yesterday she only would eat one small pudding and one serving of yogurt. Also she is not drinking enough. It is hard because she is taking so much medication. But she really needs the medications because the pain is still very intense.

Nevertheless, overall, the Doctors are happy with her progress. The swelling in her head is going down. When she first came out of the surgery her head looked like a round balloon, but now most of the swelling has gone down. The Doctors had to completely shave her head and she actually looks beautiful. Most of us would look pretty bad with bumps and other strange things on our head and kinda pasty, but not Sofia, as always she is very beautiful. One of the nurses said she looks like Demi Moore in the movie where she shaved her head!

On an emotional level she is OK. The question she asked me last night was "What do you think God has for me?" We were able to discuss this at length. We all know that God did not cause this to happen, but God is always there in our times of trouble and He loves loves loves all of us. This is a time when Sofia will become more intimate with God. She will seek him during the day hours and the night hours. She will come to know His very touch, presence and character as she has never known Him before. This is a great joy. Many times we forget to seek God during our busy lives, it is not until there is an actual time of trouble that many of us only then turn to Him. The joy of the Lord is our strength and I am praying that as Sofia become more and more intimate with the Lord, she understands the Lord's joy and that she then has the strength to walk through this holding His hand and kissing His face. Where the presence of the Lord is all things come into complete alignment according to His will.

Maybe all of you could pray and ask God to give you some wisdom that you might like to share with her during this time. Later today I will read your comments to her. She will enjoy hearing how the Lord plans on keeping her on her destiny path.

Many blessing to all of you and thank you so much for your prayers.

Thanksgiving Day Update on Sofia

Dear Friends and Family of Dearest Sweetest Sofia:

This is Sofia's God Mama writing this post for Sofia. We are grateful to God that she came through the surgery very well. The surgery took about 4 1/2 hours. They were able to take most of the tumor out without causing any injury to her brain. They also placed a shunt in to drain the fluid off of her brain. The Doctor stated that more likely than not they will go in and make the shunt permanent. Which means another overnight operation. This will not be done until later.

The area I would like to ask all of you to cover Sofia in is prayer. The tumour was not benign. At this point the pathology report will not come back until sometime on Monday. The tumor was not what the Doctors believed it to be. It came as a complete surprise to them. A year ago the whole Nero team had looked at her MRI's and all concurred at that time that it was a benign tumour. They did not even expect it to grow. During the last year it did grow and that was initially why we presented here for this operation because Sofia needed a follow-up and because Sofia was having bad headaches.

The Doctor believes it may be Medulloblastoma which is only ever found in the brain and then usually only in small children or it may be some type of lymphoma which can appear anywhere in the body.

Sofia has been made aware of the situation. At this time we will proceed as we originally planned and Sofia will be in the hospital until sometime next week. I think she will be in ICU until Monday because they usually do not move patients who have drains in their brains down to the floor until later. This may change and I will keep you posted.

Sofia has already stood up and moved around which is wonderful. She is quickly regaining her strength. The main issue is that they had to cut the main muscles in her neck and they must heal. This makes her neck lack strength, like a newborn, it is difficult for her to pick up her head.

I would ask that all remember Psalm 24:1 The earth is the Lord's, and the fullness of it, the world and they who dwell in it. So we say over Sofia- you are the Lord's and we cast down the enemy of the Lord, commanding this tumor to be healed in the Name of Jesus.

Waiting at Shands 11/24/10

This is Susan at Shands with Sofia @ 6:20 p.m.-- she did not go into surgery until about 2:30 p.m. and Doc said it would take about 5 to 6 hours-- still waiting--keep praying! Blessings to all and especially to Sofia!

Shands 11-24

"I pray that out of his glorious riches he may strengthen you with power through his spirit in your inner being so that Christ may dwell in ur hearts through faith. And I pray that you being rooted and established in love, may have power, together with all the saints to grasp how wide and long and high and deep is the love of Christ, and to know this love that surpasses knoledge-that you may be filled to measure of all the fulness of God.
Now to Him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according his power that is at within us, to him be the glory in the church and in Christ Jesus throughout all generations, for ever and ever! Amen. " Ephesians 3:16-21

Here I am waiting, next to me mama Susan, she poor thing is sleeping, she has drove all night to get here at the hotel on time and drive me here 6am.
I am ok, at peace with my good Lord, knowing He is in control, and something good is coming out of this, is difficult to understand how can something good come out of this? even if I go to a better life? YES!!!! God has plans for all of us and all situations and through all things... I could be mad, but I am not, I think this is a blessing and the Lord is turning my eyes into the right way. He has blessed me showing me how much he loves me and cares for me, bringing brothers and sisters in Christ, showing that yes His body, hands and feet are here in earth to help us when we need Him.
Thank you to all of your for your prayers and blessings, I love you all....

ALWAYS PRAISES TO OUR GOD

Acts 20:24 "But none of this things move me; nor do I count my life dear to myself, so that I may finish my raise with joy, and the ministry which I received from the Lord Jesus, to testify to the gospel of the grace of God"

My friends, yes, once again here I am on my way to Shands, things turned for the bad, brain mass grew double the size, filled my head with water (u cant notice, except that i am in a huge amount of pain, lose balance, etc) so went to the dc in Shands, run another MRI and they gave me a choice...risky surgery in less than a week, or let it go and drop dead in less than 3 weeks....talked to a lot of spiritual friends (leaders) and what I saw was that life if a gift of God, Bethany i s my world mission now, there are many other things to do in this earth that just working, studying, etc.... so I chose life, I am gonna take the risk, have surgery on Wednesday.

My good friend Susan (mama in Christ) is gonna be watching over me and updating my blog on my status so that u guys know how I am doing.

I am hoping for the best, trusting God, my race is not finish yet and the Lord keeps teaching more and more (thank you Jesus) Surgery should be all taking care of in 7 days, if I need a 2nd one 1 more week, rehab 6 to 8 weeks.

God has blessed me with amazing friends, brothers and sisters in Christ, with a mama here in the states that only the bond of Christ was able to weave. Christ is extending his hands to me through his people, church and people...I have more brothers and sister than I ever had before! =)
I am at peace, Bethany will be staying with his dad and taking care of, and I know my girlfriends from church will keep an eye on her, visiting and loving her.

I went home with this plant that took me a while to put back to shape, then when leaves came out I dropped my back pack on the top....the leaves broke all the way from the roots...there was no hope.... wrong... i left the plant alone and amazingly enough more baby leaves came out of the broken roots...sometimes God has to prune us so that we can bear much fruit.

Love you all!, keep me and Bethany in prayer

Thursday May 20, 2010

"I am the true vine, and my Father is the gardener. He cuts off every branch in me that bears no fruit, while every branch that does bear fruit he prunes so that it will be even more fruitful...No branch can bear fruit by itself; it must remain in the vine. Neither can you bear fruit unless you remain in me... apart from me you can do nothing." John 15: 1-2, 4, 5

I only have praises in my lips to my loving Father today, he is so awesome, so great. In his mercy and grace He has grant me life, every breath I take is by his grace only, every moment is a gift... like Madisa's song says... today the blue sky is bluer, the green grass is greener, the bright sun is brighter...

I had my MRI done at Shands Tuesday, saw the doctor and his feedback was... "Sofia, you do not need surgery. The mass still there, but probably as we suspected before, you had that mass since you were born, and you may have the mass for the rest of your life"... then, he gave the mass a fancy name... L'hermite Duclos, Hema Dysplacia...or something like that... he said that honestly he has no answers or reasons that explain why the mass had swollen on the first place, and how it shrunk after... the had no explanation for all the things that took me to the hospital 2 times and kept me for 5 days in a bed each time...

At this point the mass has no grow, change shape or texture, he assured me is not a tumor, not cancer, otherwise it would have shown changes already. He assured me and show me the MRI slides, the mass is not harmful, is not blocking any chambers, the fluid is good and flowing normally.

Whats next? he advices he keep following up with an MRI in 6 months, then if no changes another MRI in a year, then in 2 years, 3 and so on...
Is this doctor taking it too lightly? well, it is not just this doctor... there is a team of doctors that discuss my case, the head doctor is the one that talked to me...however, no matter how many degrees a doctor carries, they are just humans, they don't know everything, but my confidence is in the great physician "God".

It's been a 5 month journey for me... pain, fear, anger, confusion... my faith has been tested, and God has shown me many aspects of my heart that I was not aware of, I have learned a lot of things, especially to trust in Him completely. I still have so much more to learn, I am glad the Lord is not done with me yet =) But, my faith has become stronger, my self-confidence has been change to confidence in Him, the way I see life is much different now... I am living and enjoying my present much more instead of living in the past and working so hard for the future (that only God holds for me).

Today, I had another counseling session (maybe the last one). I am so bless I was referred to this counseling center (and my counselor in particular).
I'm not sure if the Lord is telling me something, but the counselor told me something a friend just told me a day ago... unconditional love... love people just as they are, don't expect them to react to a situation the way you will react, because everyone is different. Don't cut them off your life just because they did not respond to you the way you would have respond if you would have been in the same situation ...
we do not have the power to change people, we just have to accept them the way they are... that's to love unconditionally, no strings attached.
She told me "just like a butterfly, if you disrupt the natural process of the cocoon, the way it needs to mature before the butterfly comes out... if you blow on it, or try to get the butterfly out before time, then you end killing the butterfly... sometimes you just need to wait and watch it grow, mature, and love the process, love the imperfect cocoon, and wait.

Although I've been writing the blog to keep everyone updated about my health and doctors results... I may keep writing more, I have really enjoyed sharing with my good friends the "happenings" in my life, Bible verses, and more.

Love you all, thank you for all your prayers, I know God heard everyone of them.

God bless you,

Sofia

Thursday, May 13, 2010

"No, the word is very near you; it is in your mouth and in your heart so you may obey it. See, I set before you today life and prosperity, death and destruction. For I command you today to love the Lord your God, to walk in his ways, and to keep his commands, decrees and laws; then you will live and increase, and the Lord your God will bless you in the land you are entering to possess." Deut. 30: 14-16

When reading Daniel I started to think about the following verse: "At the first light of dawn, the king got up and hurried to the lions den. When he came near the den, he called to Daniel in an anguished voice, "Daniel, servant of the living God, has your God, whom you serve continually, been able to rescue you from the lions?" Daniel answered, "O king, live forever! My God sent his angel, and he shut the mouths of the lions. they have not hurt me, because I was found innocent in his sight." Daniel 6:19-22

Are we innocent/righteous in the sight of God? Of course we are! By the blood of Jesus we are, praises to Him for his sacrifice for us. I choose life, I love my Lord my God, I want to walk in his ways and keep his commands; but, I know I am not perfect and that I have failed in the past and that I am going to fall in the future, so I need Jesus, and I have the assurance that my Jesus will help me to get up every time, and that because of him I am white as snow, innocent in the eyes of my father God, so when trouble, suffering and trials (the lions) come my way... My God will send his angels to shut the mouths of the lions that want to destroy me.

There is a song by Nataly Grant "I will not be moved" based on 2nd Cor. 4:8 "I may stumble, I may fall down, I will face heartaches, but I will not be moved". On 2nd Cor 4:8 we read: "We are hard pressed on every side, but not crushed; perplexed, but not in despair; persecuted, but not abandoned; struck down, but not destroyed."

Horeb a mountain of desolation but also hope. At Horeb Moses spent a lot of time during his 40 year exile (waiting and who knows maybe without hope in the future, but just to pasture sheeps). At Horeb is believed Elijah found himself in a cave and he wanted to die. But, at the same mountain, later on Moses met with God and Elijah overcame the spirit of Jezebel..if you have the time, read the stories (Exodus 3-4, 19-33/ 1Kings 19)... Many times we see ourselves in a place of desolation, a dessert that never ends, no way out, no hope... struggles with money, jobs, stability, relationships... in my case a place that I am waiting and waiting for healing. but, our present situation (our Horeb) whatever it is, needs to be put in the hands of God... so many things we can learn in this place: To: Wait and be patient, Trust God, Have not self-confidence, but confidence in God, and to allow God to shape us. See, difficult times exposes our hearts... what really is inside us, and reveal to us where our confidence and trust lies. Most of the times, we experience God during difficult times, we come closer to him, and learn a lot, we grow stronger.
I read about some men doing stonework for a church. One of them was chiseling a piece of stone, another man asked What are you doing with that? the worker said "see that little opening away up there near the spire? well, I'm shaping this down here, so it will fit in up there."
God will use our trial to shape us for our future, let's not waste the pain of difficult times, let's allow God to use those difficult times to transform us, to heal us; our God can turn/ bring good from bad, there is nothing impossible for him. Our Horeb can be a place of new beginnings.
God is the medicine for our suffering (spiritual or physical) Psalms 107:20 reads: "He sent forth his word and healed them; He rescued them from the grave."
There is a book I've been reading "Hope resurrected" by Dutch Sheets, if you have the chance get the book and read it; the book refers to several Bible verses that have inspired me and help me understand and accept the times at "Horeb". I wish I could re-type the book and share it with you =)

I am going to Gainesville this Monday coming... please keep praying with me for a miracle.

Thursday April 29, 2010

"Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance. Perseverance must finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything." James 1: 2-4

I haven't been able to update my blog lately, but I'll try to be better from now on =)

Went to a new neurologist on Tuesday, after she looked at my chart she said "steroids may reduce a tumor, but the way your tumor has decreased in size is not usual... I've seen a few cases where tumors dicrease or dissapear, but there is no explanation for it. I can't explain clinically how come your tumor has dicreased in size that much". I told her I am praying about it, and that there is a lot of people praying for me; she answered me..."well, keep praying, because it is working".

Although there are many things I still have to face, and only God knows what is to come, I am so blessed to have hope, to have friends that care about me, praying for me, always ready to help. My eyes are back to normal and I can enjoy driving and looking at the beauty of nature (including my beautiful Bethany). My energy has increased and I am going for daily walks, taking care of my house, Bethany and myself... the only thing that I can say is that the Lord is awesome and so good to us although we do not deserve it.

May 18, 730 am my next appointment at Shands... I am waiting and hoping the mass keeps shrinking or maybe even will be gone by then, I am hopefull, please keep praying for me. Whatever is to come let not my will, but the Lord's will in my life.

Thanks for your prayers and for keeping me in mind =)

Thursday, April 8, 2010

"I will sing to the Lord all my life; I will sing praise to my God as long as I live. May my meditation be pleasing to him, as I rejoice in the Lord." Psalm 104:33

A friend wrote "thank you God for more time", very simple, very real. Sometimes we take our lives for granted without realizing every day is a gift, every time we breath, every time we look around and are able to see the beautiful creation God made for us to enjoy, every time someone smiles and we can smile back, every time we can hug our kids and tell them we love them... every day, every moment is a gift from God.

I've been staying with my best friend Julia for almost 2 weeks now (thank you Julie for your love, your care and your patience with me!). I have enjoyed her friendship, her kids, beautiful walks around the bay, and nature... we can find healing of the soul and body by spending time with good friends, enjoying the outdoors, rejoicing with the Lord's creation and casual conversations with Him.

I took my Bethany for a picnic day over the pier, and a nature walk, then for a walk over the bay; the water was very cold, but she did not care, she went into the water to catch hermit crabs (she is not afraid of them, even the big ones!) and I had so much fun by watching her, seeing her so happy.

I am coming back home this weekend, and next week back to the swing of life. Taking care of Bethany, going back to work, taking care of my lovely home that our good Lord provided for me. Am I 100%? nope; however I am doing better, less headaches, and finally off the steroids (yeah!) no more shaking of hands and legs, no more acne, no more popeye's face, my vision is much better now, and no weird behavior and sleepless nights; but, there are other things that I guess I have to learn to live with, and be happy, I am still up and running, and taking care of my Bethany. I've been so afraid about the future..."what if".. "what if"... and I have come to the realization I can't live like that, I have to live the present, I am good today, I can see, walk and move my arms, praise God for it! live without fear and enjoy the present time, the "now" and forget about being worry about the future, God will take care of my future..." He knows all the days ordained for me", He is the one that upholds my health and my life as he does for all of us sick or healthy, when the day comes to go home, or get really sick, then the day will just come and will be the time to deal with it, not now.

I have to go back to Shands in 3 weeks, another MRI and Dr. appointment, please keep praying with me that the mass keeps shrinking or at least is not growing more.

I'll keep you updated with the "happenings"...

=) Sofia

Wednesday, March 31, 2010

"He turned the desert into pools of water and the parched ground into flowing springs;" Psalm 107:35

Healing time... time to rest, gain strength, healing of the soul and mind. I cannot find answers to many things that are happening to me, but I am learning day by day to rest in the Lord and to find peace knowing He is in control and He knows what is happening to me, that He will bring healing at the right time and that his plans for me are not to hurt me, but take care of me. I am learning to be patient and to let things go (letting Him be in control, not me). It is not easy... but, the Lord is good, He's brought to me really good friend that are helping me, praying for me, encouraging me when I am down; I see His hands reaching down to me through his people.
Although I feel like my life has been cut in a way (not been able to work, if I am sick not been able to take care of Bethany, sometimes not driving because of blurry vision, etc) I can say I am blessed, I am learning so much during this time of trial, meeting wonderful people, being touch by their lives, and getting to know friends I had for a long time, but that hectic life did not allow me to really "know" them and allowing them to get to know the "real me".

Please keep Bethany and myself in prayer... Bethany misses me, but can't take care of her right now 'til I get better. For me 'cause although the brain mass is shrinking (and God allowing will keep shrinking), there are so many other things going on with me that the doctors have no answer to and really slowing me down like ... taking care of my Bethany, house, work, etc. It could be fear of the unknown, I have to go back to Shands in 6 weeks for another MRI and see the progress of the mass, 'til then I am in "Limbo"... but, enough of me... I have to say that when in Shands I really found encouragement from my friend that was receiving treatment there... If I think I am having a rough time, you should see my friend... her body is going through so much, but she keeps the battle, chin up, and fighting like a soldier, not giving up. (I love you Karen, you inspire me, and I keep praying for a quick healing).

God blessings to all of you,

Monday, March 29, 2010

"How good and pleasant it is when brothers live together in unity! It is like precious oil poured on the head... For the Lord bestows his blessings, even life forevermore." Psalm 133: 1-3

I should be heading back home tomorrow. I was discharged from the hospital, but no ride home 'til Tuesday. Long story short, I did not have a place to stay, and the doctors did not want me to stay by myself in a hotel, because of the new meds they have me in. So, He blessed me one more time, and a friend receiving treatment at Shands (at the same time I was there) offered me her parent's place to stay 'til I can be picked up. Staying with her parents has been a blessing, we can always learn so much from others and rejoice fellowship with new friends. By sharing with them God has reminded me that my life and health is in his hands, that only He knows the days of my life and my future... I have realize that although I say I trust Him, many times I fail and try to take control of all things, and when I can't control a situation I break down (my health is something I have no control over it, when things don't seem good, and doctors can't figure out what is wrong, I get very frustraded and down). The Lord is working in my life, sometimes it hurts, but I still need to learn so much more, and learn to trust Him overall.

March 26, 2010

"O Lord, the king rejoices in your strength. How great is his joy in the victories you give! you have granted him the desire of his heart and have not withheld the request of his lips... He asked you for life, and you gave it to him - length of days, forever and ever." Psalm 21: 1-5

Our lives are in His hands... I don't know exactly what is He doing in my life, but I do recognize His hands working with a purpose all the way.
The head of the neurosurgery dpt visited me today, he gave me good news, he confirmed the mass is shrinking... he said "shrinking of a mass like yours is very unusual, I only know 2 cases where shrinking happened. However is still there, so we have to keep it in observation". In 2 months I have to come, get another MRI and see him. He is taking me totally from the steroids (and I am very happy about it). I told him that I praise God for it... there is nothing impossible for our amazing God. Now, the mass still there, anything can happen from now on, but ... anything can happen to any of us at any moment... we could slip and fall, be hit by a car, etc and go home with God... as the Bible verse says "... all the days ordained for me were written in your book before one of them came to be...". Psalm 139:16

Now, the doctors have no answer for what happened to me on Tuesday, but they are treating my severe chronic migraines. I have a neurologist here now working on my case... according to the doctors I never had a stroke, but we want to treat the chronic migraines to avoid one and get under control these things that are happening to me.

Today was not a good day, they tried a new med for the chronic pain, and I did not react well to it, actually I had an awful day, tomorrow I'll see the neurologist again, and probably try a new drug again, hope this time I will react well to it. I am also receiving this Heparin injections in my belly, and they are not fun. They are to avoid blood clots to form, since I am in bed for long periods of time.

I may stay 'til Friday, the doctors want me to take it easy 'til then, so I am going to continue working for my momma (which I really enjoy) for the hours my body can tolerate, and enjoy the company of my sisters in Christ.

I gotta go for now, I had a though day, I feel like I've been hit by a bus, but I am bless and happy since I won't have to have surgery or radiation or chemo... things may change in the future, but for now my amazing God has spare me from it, and I pray he will grant me a long life, that he will allow me to see my grandchildren and be there for my Bethany to help her out racing her kids. My life is in His hands.

Love you all, and hope to see you soon.

Thursday, March 25 2010

"Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make your paths straight." Proverbs 3:5-6

This Bible verse I read in a moment of complete confusion... The EMS guys were rolling me into the hospital (Shands in Gainesville) and here they have a wall with tiles made by little kids that are fighting cancer... when waiting for the elevator, that tile with the Bible verse really touched my heart.
I was doing better I thought, but on Tuesday I was cooking dinner for Bethany and myself, I was happy to have Bethany with me and I had a fun night prepared for us, I was looking forward to see her and spend time with her... all of the sudden my arms and legs went numb, felt like fainting, blurred vision and horrible nausea... next I called mama Susan and my sister in Christ Belinda rushed to my house and took me to the emergency room (Gulf Coast). run CT Scan, MRI, not a stroke, actually the good news is that the brain growth mass is shrinking, it has shrink 1cm. but the Doctors had no clue what is going on with me. They admitted me, and at least the doctors were honest enough to say : " We do not know what to do, cause we don't know what is going on with you" so they transferred me by ambulance last night here to Shands".
If you haven't been transported in an ambulance before (hope you never will) I feel sorry for people with broken bones or serious things going on, because on the back of that ambulance you feel everything, every bump, every move, etc and the (whatever are call) beds, are as hard as a rock... and we traveled for about 6 hours!!! the EMS guys were really nice though, so I had a good ride here.
It was very difficult to kiss my Bethany good bye yesterday and telling here that I will be in the hospital for a while, we hugged, she cried, and I cried too. I honestly don't understand many things, doctors don't understand either what is going on... but God knows, and in that time of confusion is when I saw that Bible verse that a little kid decided to write in the form of art work.
My faith is little, but just like the song says "whatever you are doing inside of me, it is ok... you are up to something bigger than me"... I still need to learn to trust in the Lord completely and let things go, let him take complete control of my life, and now I see I haven't been doing that.
This hospital is really nice, I have my own bedroom with a big window and a beautiful view. the nurses and staff are very nice. I've been seen by 5 doctors already, but the head of the neurosurgery dpt has been on surgery all day long, so the other doctors that are under him are waiting to meet with him tomorrow, and sometime in the morning tomorrow they will see me and tell me what is going on...
You know, I just realize that sometimes we can receive news, even if they are not the ones you want to hear, but at least you prepare your mind for it... but is very difficult to face the unknown... however, that is the time when we have to trust God and "lean not on our own understanding", because we have to trust He has the perfect plan for our lives.
I praise Him, He soooo knows when my faith is falling apart, when I am broken and I start loosing it, then in a way that I least expect He send his word to me, that comfort me and bring me strength.
All these is opening my eyes as well as the importance of the body of Christ, how bless I am to have my family around... my sisters and brothers in Christ. Now here in Gainesville I don't know anyone, however my mama Susan has put me in touch with a good friend of her that will be visiting tomorrow and have some of the elders of the church coming to pray with me tomorrow... there was so much love in her voice when she called me this afternoon... God always reaches out to us in ways that we never expect...
Thank you for keeping me in your prayers, I really need them, and hope to see you all very soon.

Saturday, March 20, 2010

"Your eyes saw my unformed body. All the days ordained for me were written in your book before one of them came to be." Psalm 139: 16

The verse above has given me a lot of peace. I worry so much about what may happen next, but God keeps telling me... "I already know, I am in control, and you will be fine, I will never leave you, never forsake you, I know everything that you are going to do, and the days that you are going to live, and all that I am allowing is according to my plan, my perfect plan" ... sometimes is just so hard for me to listen and understand when He talks to me, I am so happy He is so patient and loves me no matter what.

The Dr. from Shands is taking me off the steroids (Thank you Lord), but on Tuesday the 16th I had my first withdrawal from the drug. I felt like dying, and thought I was... I've never felt that awful feeling before, I can't describe it, the only thing I can say is that I was shaking, crying, feeling like the world was crushing down on me, and that I was about to die... I almost broke the slow process of lowering the those of the steroid (I am still taking it, but every day I have to extend 2 hours before taking it), I was about to take 4 of them at the same time just to feel better (that would have been really bad). I call my (mama) my good friend Susan, she started to pray for me on the phone and sent her sister to take me to the doctor right away. What did the doctor say? she run a couple of test and sent me out for another one, but according to her knowledge I was having a withdrawal from the drug. All the other test that she run, including the one she sent me to another place, were ok. I am fine, I am not dying... Then the Dr. I am seeing in Shands, the PA called me back, and she said the same thing, she told me that I am going to experience a lot of things, that I am going to feel awful 'til my body detoxifies completely... I still have 6 more days to go to be entirely off that horrible chemical, and for what I know, about a week or 2 until my body completely eliminates the drug. Please help me with prayers, there are times I feel just fine, but then I have my moments, and feel terrible, can't really describe it, is a very weird feeling I have never experience in my life before.

Now, this gives me a complete different perspective about addiction, and about my brother and sister that are in a rehab program or are walking down the street living with an addiction that can not break from. If what I am taking (prescribed drug) and been monitored by a Doctor and taking away so slowly is causing me withdrawal symptoms and it so hard on me and producing this horrible, terrible feelings in my body... How hard it must be for my brothers and sisters to try to get clean and free of an illegal drug that their bodies have become addicted to?
I am just getting a small glimpse of what they go through.

Sometimes I say... well, it was their decision to start taking a drug on the first place, but then I realize that is the wrong way of thinking... yes, it was their decision to take it, but... Don't we all make mistakes... Don't we all fall at some point and do something we know we are not suppose to do?, and this poor souls made the big mistake of trying something their bodies will get attach to... sometimes, it takes only one time. Our bodies are unique, we all react differently; some of us can take a type of drug for a period of time and don't become addicted to it, for others one or 2 times and that's it, they are addicted, and at that point they don't realize it, they continue with it thinking they are in control, but in reality the chemical has taken control of their lives already.

I have to confess that I've been very bad at judging people on this subject, by this experience God is working in my heart and letting me see addiction, and my brother and sister walking on the street, in a different way. When reading my Bible, this verse cross my way "Do not judge, or you too will be judge. For in the same way you judge others, you will be judge, and with the measure you use, it will be measured to you." Matthew 7:1-2

I'll be going to Shands in 9 days (If God wants) I should have a concrete answer about what is next by then. For now I am just fighting a sinus infection (that creates more pressure on my head and is driving me crazy) and the up and downs of cleaning my body from the horrible steroids.

If I receive any news I'll keep you posted... Julia Gazagnaire (my best friend) will be helping me with the blog once in a while if I am not available to keep the blog up, and keep you posted on what is going on.

"Blessed is he who has regard for the weak; the Lord delivers him in times of trouble. The Lord will protect him and preserve his life; he will bless him in the land and not surrender him to the desire of his foes." Psalm 41: 1-2

Wednesday, March 10, 2010

"Praise the Lord, O my soul, and forget not all his benefits-who forgives all your sins and heals all your diseases, who redeems your life from the pit and crowns you with love and compassion." Psalm 103: 2-4

Today has been a really good day, so many things have happened this past week, I want to share with all of you.

The first one is a perspective of life that God has shown me, I call it the "ring of life". I was looking at my ring one day that was on the table, and then saw the ring as my life, the middle of the ring my life... last year, me trying to fulfill that middle with so many things... not understanding that the only one that can fulfill, satisfy, complete that middle of the ring (my life) is God... nothing, no one can do that, but God. Around the ring I have some words engraved... Jesus showed me... around the ring I will put precious stones, pearls, but remember, they are around your life, they are not the center, I am the center, the only one that can fulfill your heart and complete you. Around the ring are gifts that I give around your life, like Bethany (she is a pearl in my ring of life). Jesus is the center of our lives, our kids, husbands/wives/jobs/careers, etc are things that God give to us as gifts to go around our lives, and just because He is so good to us and loves us so much, not because we deserve it.
Wow, my eyes have been so far from the truth, what a hard head! It is taking what I have on my head to understand, to learn every day...

Things to praise God for, many... He is so at work all the time... you know my family is far away, you are my friends, brothers and sisters, you are that extended family that God has put on my path, and lately He has bless me with a momma, and new sisters too. I went to visit my lawyer (I think I have mentioned before in one of my blogs), she is a strong christian lady, a christian warrior, she was very sad to hear the news about my health, but since then she has literally put me under her wings. the girls that work for her are all wonderful, and always call checking on me and giving me words of encouragement. Susan is doing so many things for me during this time, praying, loving, encouraging me, she is a blessing in my life.
Because of the medication I take (I told you this before) I can't work, but God has provided a job at my mamma's office, I am so blessed! getting a job this days it is not easy, thank you Lord for providing this job!

Now, last... Shand's news... finally! I woke up this morning and pray "Lord, please, let the Dr. call me, I am not feeling well lately, I have good days, but also bad days, and headaches are back every day, the medications is really taking control of my life,... please, let me Dr. call me... and give me peace he cares about my case...
Well, after dropping Bethany at school, around 830 the phone rung... Ms. Wilcox? This is Dr. Murad... it amazed me how God answers me right away... the news, he waited to call me because he wanted to discuss my case with other doctors, so he waited until having answers... I did not receive a concrete answer, but in few words what he said is that they believe is not cancer, it is not a brain tumor... they believe is a "Rare Brain Growth" called "L'hermitte Duclos"... He wants to see me again and run another MRI, the team fears for what they call "the mass effect" which basically it is this growth blocking the brain fluid and causing damage... I guess like having a stroke... He also said that surgery is risky on that area and he is afraid about loosing my coordination, motor skills after surgery, but on the other hand we have the "mass effect" because of the area where is located. He said he will talk to me more when he sees me.
I still have to wait for the secretary to call me and give me the time, but I know he has set up the day for March 30th.
That means we have 20 days to pray over this, so humbly I ask you join me in prayer over this, I believe God can do a miracle and that after having that MRI that thing could be gone, if it is God's will. God may have other plans for me, and it is ok with me, I want His will to be done, not mine. I know He has the perfect plan for me.
Love you,

Monday, March 1, 2010

"And these words which I command you today shall be in your heart. "You should teach them diligently to your children, and shall talk of them when you sit in your house, when you walk by the way, when you lie down, and when you rise up."

Today was a very special day for me and Bethany, we celebrated her birthday (with anticipation, since I don't know when the dr's. are going to call and say "come"). So, he had a mommy and me princess birthday day.

We dressed up like princesses (Thank you Stephanie for the customs) and went out (with good pair of tennis shoes anticipating a lot of walking!).

First we stopped by a Salon to have a royal treatment (thank you Misti for recommending Solace Day Spa & Salon). We sat next to each other and had our hair done, Bethany was so happy with her hair, she had the "Bella" look. Then they applied make up, and when mommy's make up turn, Bethany picked up the colors and help put lipstick on me... but, it is not over yet, then they painted our nails... For Bethany was a dream come true, having a big girl salon day with mommy? I'll try to post as many pictures as this blog allows me... her face expressions tells it all! and mommy's heart was filled with joy!
Of course, the entire royal treatment would have cost me a lot, but God put on my way this wonderful lady with a heart of gold "Jennifer Staerker" the owner, and she worked things out for me (thank you for the gift) hug me and told me she'll be praying for me (Thank you Jennifer for making our wish come true). The girls that took care of us, the best! Tiffany what a heart for kids, she did a wonderful job with her hair and make up, and made Bethany feel like a real princess (thank you so much Tiffany). Amber, thank you for my hair, you showed me a new way to style it, and I like it! and Heather, our nails looked beautiful, Bethany keeps looking and showing them to everyone!
Then we headed to the streets of Pier Park, window shopping and just having fun. Went to see the "Tooth Fairy" at the grand... Bethany laugh the entire movie, very clean and funny movie to see. After the movie Bethany kept talking about it, she really liked it.
Ice cream time after that... this time I have to confess I spoiled my kid, she got all kind of sweets on that ice cream, from marshmallows to gummy bears and more, more, sugar... you know what sugar means for parents right???
Of course we had to take a train ride and wave to everyone like princesses, Bethany waved to everyone and of course everyone waved back at her, she said a princess always waves and smiles like Cinderella.
The day was almost gone, and mommy was exhausted... although I had tennis shoes, my feet were hurting so bad!... but, one more thing to do... I told Bethany I'll take her to pick a birthday present and then we will head home. I told her that will have to be a small one, but she understood, gave me a kiss and said, thank you mommy, I love you... and that ... was the best medicine, magical healing pouring in my heart.

I love the idea of technology and all these new toys out there, but too many choices... too many... for a 5 year old about to turn 6, just too many choices... confuses and frustrates the kid in a way... SO I told her, pick all the toys you like and put them in a cart, mommy is going to sit on the floor and rest while you do that... once that cart is full we will put them all on the floor and then pick half of them and put away the other half that you don't like that much.... so she did... the cart was full all the way to the top! in my mind there was only one word "Mercy!"... THEN... I helped her out to put all the toys on the floor (I was so happy that Target at Pier Park was almost empty, so we were able to do this)... Bethany picked 10 toys to put away, and we put the other 10 favorite ones back in the cart. To avoid more temptation I took the cart to the kitchen section, then we did the same, all 10 toys on the floor, she picked 5 favorite ones and we put away (mommy did so that she did not have to be on the toy section again) and we went to the furniture section... she had to pick 2 out of 5... she took her time, but mommy was resting sitting down on the floor, so it was ok, ha, ha, ha. Finally she picked a Barbie electric guitar and a dog that swims in the bath tub and when dry barks and walks (nothing really special, plastic one) and the guitar just a pretend electric guitar... the interesting thing about this is that the dog is the first toy she picked at the toy section, I asked her you have so many toys similar, that is just a plastic dog that swims in the but tub... she said, has a sad face, he needs me...
At the end, she picked the electric guitar... I did not have the energy to go back to the toy section, so I left the dog at the furniture section (bad me I know)... and went with the electric guitar, then Bethany stopped me and with a sad face said "mommy, I am sorry, but I changed my mind, the dog needs me, I don't want the guitar, please"... so, we rush to the furniture section and the dog was still there (thank you God, cause at that point I was completely depleted from energy), Bethany grabbed the dog and start to kiss him and hug him, that was very intersting to see.
After that we head back.
Thank you God for making this day possible, thank you for providing for this day to happen, you provided everything! thank you for putting the right people my way and making our wish come true! Today, Bethany celebrated her birthday, today I celebrated her life and my life... God, you are awesome, thank you so much for life!