Thursday, March 25 2010

"Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make your paths straight." Proverbs 3:5-6

This Bible verse I read in a moment of complete confusion... The EMS guys were rolling me into the hospital (Shands in Gainesville) and here they have a wall with tiles made by little kids that are fighting cancer... when waiting for the elevator, that tile with the Bible verse really touched my heart.
I was doing better I thought, but on Tuesday I was cooking dinner for Bethany and myself, I was happy to have Bethany with me and I had a fun night prepared for us, I was looking forward to see her and spend time with her... all of the sudden my arms and legs went numb, felt like fainting, blurred vision and horrible nausea... next I called mama Susan and my sister in Christ Belinda rushed to my house and took me to the emergency room (Gulf Coast). run CT Scan, MRI, not a stroke, actually the good news is that the brain growth mass is shrinking, it has shrink 1cm. but the Doctors had no clue what is going on with me. They admitted me, and at least the doctors were honest enough to say : " We do not know what to do, cause we don't know what is going on with you" so they transferred me by ambulance last night here to Shands".
If you haven't been transported in an ambulance before (hope you never will) I feel sorry for people with broken bones or serious things going on, because on the back of that ambulance you feel everything, every bump, every move, etc and the (whatever are call) beds, are as hard as a rock... and we traveled for about 6 hours!!! the EMS guys were really nice though, so I had a good ride here.
It was very difficult to kiss my Bethany good bye yesterday and telling here that I will be in the hospital for a while, we hugged, she cried, and I cried too. I honestly don't understand many things, doctors don't understand either what is going on... but God knows, and in that time of confusion is when I saw that Bible verse that a little kid decided to write in the form of art work.
My faith is little, but just like the song says "whatever you are doing inside of me, it is ok... you are up to something bigger than me"... I still need to learn to trust in the Lord completely and let things go, let him take complete control of my life, and now I see I haven't been doing that.
This hospital is really nice, I have my own bedroom with a big window and a beautiful view. the nurses and staff are very nice. I've been seen by 5 doctors already, but the head of the neurosurgery dpt has been on surgery all day long, so the other doctors that are under him are waiting to meet with him tomorrow, and sometime in the morning tomorrow they will see me and tell me what is going on...
You know, I just realize that sometimes we can receive news, even if they are not the ones you want to hear, but at least you prepare your mind for it... but is very difficult to face the unknown... however, that is the time when we have to trust God and "lean not on our own understanding", because we have to trust He has the perfect plan for our lives.
I praise Him, He soooo knows when my faith is falling apart, when I am broken and I start loosing it, then in a way that I least expect He send his word to me, that comfort me and bring me strength.
All these is opening my eyes as well as the importance of the body of Christ, how bless I am to have my family around... my sisters and brothers in Christ. Now here in Gainesville I don't know anyone, however my mama Susan has put me in touch with a good friend of her that will be visiting tomorrow and have some of the elders of the church coming to pray with me tomorrow... there was so much love in her voice when she called me this afternoon... God always reaches out to us in ways that we never expect...
Thank you for keeping me in your prayers, I really need them, and hope to see you all very soon.