Back in Panama City

"Get insurance with God and do a good deed, settle down and stick to your last. Keep company with God, get in on the best.
Open up before God, keep nothing back; He'll do whatever needs to be done: He'll validate your life in the clear light of day and stamp you with approval a high noon." Psalm 37: 3-6 (The Message)

I am back in Panama City! and very happy to be back, to see my beautiful Bethany and my sisters and brothers in Christ.
But, I have not forgotten the friends I made in Gainsville from the American Cancer Society Lodge and I hope God will bring healing to them.
Life goes on, and here I am, God taking care of me and my needs day by day. It is not easy to trust God, but I am in the learning process of my condition. There is not much I can do or change, but God can.
Today I went for a walk, and praise God for all the beauty He has created for us, how wonderful to see the blue sky, the blooming plants, the water on the bay ... I believe this is a time that the Lord is telling me..."just be still and enjoy what I have created for you"... I have always been on the go, working and so busy with things to do that I had a hard time finding a break to be able to go for walks or enjoy God's creation.
In the picture Gary and Sandy from the American Cancer Society Lodge. Gary is fighting Esophageal and Stomach cancer. Sandy (his wife) is being very supportive and helping him through the process. Please pray for healing and peace for Gary and spiritual and physical strength for Sandy.
Thank you to you all that have send comments, emails, and keep me in prayer.
Love you!
PS: I know you may be asking about my decision about chemotherapy... I am waiting on the Lord for this, I've done what I can with my hands to get a referral to a chemo doctor in town that has been recommended, I am resting that the Lord will open the door or close it (it is a doc that has lots of patients and because of that is very hard to get an appt).

God has all Authority

"Be still in the presence of the Lord and wait patiently for Him to act." Psalm 37:7

I need to repeat this verse over and over again to myself, my faith gets so little sometimes, I drawn in a cup of water thinking that the solutions and answers are on my hands...nope, all authority and whatever is to happen in our lives depends on God (if we take hands off and allow Him to act).
Peace has come back to my heart again (thank you for your prayers!) and I have given Him all control, and what a peace He brings... I am so glad He is the one to take the decisions for me and the one that carries me = )

Today I was able to see my problems are so little compared to other people going through similar situations like me, but double...
The prior to last post I had a picture of Ted and His wife Jane (the pastor here at Gainesville Calvary Chapel), they have been an Oasis for me, my friends, and people here at the Lodge, please keep them in prayer too, they are a great ministry here in this town.

The pic... Let me introduce you to Jay, he is 84 and fighting esophageal cancer, radiation on chest and chemotherapy, please keep him in your prayers so that he heals soon and no more pain for him... people like him really inspired me, no matter how many years of life... still, life is a gift and the fight for longer, more life keeps going.

Keep praying about the decision I am to take, and write me an email or post a comment about what you think about me going or not going for chemotherapy.
Have a bless night!

Decision time, please pray

"Hear my prayer, Oh Lord, and give ear into my cry; hold not your peace at my tears: for I am a stranger with thee, and a sojourner, as all my fathers were.
o spare me, that I may recover strength, before I go hence, and be no more." Psalms 39: 12-13

Decision time for me... today I was told the oncology expertise doc (in medulla blastomas that are pediatric cancer tumors and although rare is what they removed from my head) that chemotherapy is highly recommended and is up to me, but studies show that with radiation only I have a 50/50% chance, if I do the chemo is a 75% chance that I will not relapse... but, If I don't do chemo now, and I do relapse, then even doing radiation and chemo at the same time the chances are basically 0.0% of getting back to health cancer free...
What should I do? I have not take a decision yet, I have heard so many bad reactions, and poisoning your body, etc, that I don't know if going for chemo will be the right choice... I think about Bethany and the good time we can have together with me healthy vs. a time with Bethany, but being sick all the time and her not able to enjoy mom as she should, because mom is going through chemo, and the Lord may take me home after that...
Now, one way or the other I know the Lord has a purpose and a lifetime for me... either 50 more years, or 1 or months, only He knows the days of my life and He has them already even planned (thank you Lord), but I need to pray, I need you to please pray and I need time to hear Him and understand what He wants me to do...
In the mean time, the docs from here Shands are trying to get me an oncologist in PC, Pensacola or Tallahassee, so I am close just in case of reactions to the chemo.
Today was my last radiation, thank you Jesus! that means I may be home this Saturday coming... can't wait...
Ok. had a full day of appointments, I am heading to bed, but please pray for me and pray for my decision, the bible says to always listen to the elders of the church and leaders of the church, so please pray and tell me what you think...

God Willing Coming Back to PC Soon

"Ointment and Perfume rejoice the heart: So does the sweetness of a man's friend friend by hearty counsel."

I have realized how wonderful and what a blessing is to have friends, the old ones, that no matter how much time has passed since talking last or the distance, but when you reunite or talk on the phone or online, it is like yesterday, and the friendship is the same. The friends that you have in your present that encourage you, and are there for you at all times, and the new ones that you make... what a wonderful gift God has given us... many times the bond between friends is stronger than blood bonds. Sometimes a friend is closer to you than your own family and they are real brothers and sisters; good friends are a gift from God.
I praise God I may be going to PC soon, if everything goes well and along schedule, then I will be heading to PC on Saturday, please keep me in prayer that this week will go well, I will tolerate the last treatments and me and Linda Gilmore will have a safe trip to PC. God allowing that I will have the energy to go to church on Sunday (I am looking forward to see my family in Christ!) and see my little Bethany.
I am looking forward to go back to PC, but at the same time there is some sadness about leaving all these people I have met here, going through the same situation, I am gonna miss them, these place has been like a home for the past 2 months, all these people like a family; the ones that know I may be going home are so happy for me, but at the same time share the same feeling I have in my heart.
Calvary Chapel here in Gainesville has been a real blessing for me and for the ones that came with me on Sundays, everyone so loving, introducing themselves, so welcoming to my and sisters that I brought with me... Ted and Jane (the pastor of the church and his wife) said that they are happy I am going home, but they share the same feeling of sadness to say goodbye... it was not coincidence that I ended up in that church, God had a purpose and taught me a lot during service and my friends that came with me... and His word never comes back empty...never.
Here some pictures of Ted and Jane and my sweet people here at the lodge, please pray for them...
Love you all!