I want to Introduce my sister Kathy Wilson

Friends, I want to introduce my good sister Kathy Wilson, she is the one God has put on my way during this time, she is the one that will be helping me with the blog and updating information about me if the time comes that I cannot do it. She is a real blessing in my life, always calling to check on me, ready to listen, encouraging me, and being cool when I am grumpy! taking me to Shands, Tampa, etc. (she is an excellent driver by the way!), she is beautiful inside and outside.

I asked her for a picture, so that you can put a face to my sister. =)

Thursday, February 24, 2010

"Commit to the Lord whatever you do, and your plans will succeed." Proverbs 16:3

Today, grumpy Sofia came out... boy, gotta work on my temper! I've been waiting on Shands to call me... waiting, waiting... so today my good sister Kathy said "Sofia, call them to check"... so I felt God was saying "Sofia, she is right, is the right time to call them"... so I did... talked to the Dr.'s nurse and I asked her... "The Dr. said to FedEx him immediately the first MRI of my brain when the called "stroke" happen, 'cause he will use it at the Team meeting", so I am calling to make sure you guys have receive it... she told me to hold, she will check my file... then she answered and said, sorry, we have not receive it.... WHAT!!! I said... I sent that by FedEx on the 18th ... she asked me for the tracking number... I looked at my copy and realized that the lady at FedEx highlighted the tracking number, but by doing so erased the tracking number... How can that happen, don't ask me, I still wonder... then I call FedEx and they told me that they are sorry, but by phone they can not give you the tracking number??? Can you believe that... ha, ha, ha, now I am laughing... but friends, I was so upset.... of course I called my sister Kathy in a time of breaking point, grumpy, lost, almost crying.... Is so good to have a good friend that you can call anytime and be your ugly self and show it and knowing she will not judge you, not be upset at you, just listen, love you and give you a word of encouragement or advice... Thank you Kathy!
So, after I talked to her and listening to her advice and words of kindness that calmed me down... I rush to FedEx, and the same lady that highlighted my tracking number was there... she apologized and said she will never highlight a tracking number like that again, actually, she was very nice about it, and printed out the information I needed, time and date received and the name of the person that signed for the package... I couldn't be nothing but nice to the lady, she helped me.
Then I called Shands again and talk to the nurse (she put me on hold) when she picked up the phone I felt she was on her knees... she apologized 100 times, she said "Mrs. Wilcox... I am very sorry, our receptionist miss placed your package, I am very, very sorry, but now I have the CD on my hand, I don't know what to tell you ... I am so, so sorry... I will give the CD immediately to the Dr, and knowing him, he'll probably call the "Spine Board Team Meeting" immediately. I am sure he will be calling you first time next week... I am very sorry...
Poor girl, we all make mistakes, I hope and pray the receptionist does not get in too much trouble, I was able to sense the frustration on the lady's voice... told them is ok, that I will wait for the call next week.
Now, I know you my friends are waiting for answers just like me, and may be wondering..."Sofia, you are not living in reality, what's wrong with you, how can you take this that easily?.... Well, after my break down I realized... God is in control first of all, the CD lost somewhere, etc, was not an accident, it happened because God allowed it to happen.... in everything we do, there are no accidents, there is nothing that happens in our lives without God being in control/approval... the way I see it is that the "spine team board meeting" was not meant to happen last week, maybe the right doctors that God wanted were not gonna be there, etc... God wants this meeting to happen tomorrow or next week... and I am good with that, is His perfect timing, His perfect plan for me... whatever is the result, is going to be good... either nothing to worry about, or surgery, or whatever... the result is going to be good because is God's will. So, here I am, crossing my hands and allowing God to work... in the mean time, doing so many more things, loving on my Bethany, loving on friends, and doing things that I have not done before (good ones of course)... it is like God giving me sometime to breath and enjoy, spend time with him.... I am glad they miss placed my CD... ha, ha, ha, I am laughing not stopping!

Personal Note: Today I was thinking about a Public Speaking Class I took when at GCCC, I was not to talk about Jesus they warned me, but I did it either way...ha, ha, ha... you know me... my point was to prove that for any man to fulfill one prophesy the mathematical probability calculated the odds and put it this way...equivalent to covering the entire state of Texas with silver dollar coins 2 feet deep and having a blind folded man find one of them that has a mark on it... probability, the man would have die first before finding the coin.... Do you know how many prophesies Jesus Fulfilled? some educated people in the subject suggest that there is about 300+ Messianic prophesies and Jesus fulfilled more than 100... other scholars suggest even more... Examples... Being born in Bethlehem (you can't choose time or place to be born!) Micah 5:2, Being sold for 30 pieces of silver Zechariah11:12, Garments being parted and lots cast for his garment Psalm 22:18... and so many more that I could write all night long... how did that class go?.... I was bombarded with questions, but the point was clear... people who wants to hear and see will see, if they don't is because they choose not... event though the teacher told me not to talk about Jesus... she gave me an A+ =)

Wednesday, February 23, 2010

"Bear with each other and forgive whatever grievances you may have against one another. Forgive as the Lord forgave you" Colossians 3:13

It is amazing waking up every morning knowing that God is there watching over you and saying "good morning my beloved one", what an amazing feeling.
Then turning around and seeing my little angel's face sleeping so peacefully, kissing her, touching her little nose, how bless I am.

Well, today too much information to display, but I can share with you that I had some court case issue that I had to take care of, and sometimes when you had to deal with the State and the law and you are trying to do the right thing, I am telling you satan gets in between and tries his best to ruin everything and to things very difficult for you.... But, our good Papa, the one that has the entire power is on our side when we try to do what is right in his eyes.... So, this morning, I put together myself knowing it was going to be a difficult morning, I asked God to fill me with his spirit and put the right words in my mouth at court, to help me control my temper and reflect Jesus in front of everyone, not my old grumpy self, but reflect Jesus in whatever resolution.... and guess what.... THERE IS NOTHING IMPOSSIBLE FOR GOD" ha, ha, ha, I so know that, you all know that... I feel so silly when I worry about things now, ha, ha, ha.
The Deputy Clerk, very nice lady, christian lady, she listened, she understood, and when I left she said "Sofia, everything is going to be alright, I am going to be praying for you"... Can you believe that????? I am laughing and crying while writing this... God is so awesome, so powerful, how can I find words to praise him.

Personal Note: I thought today... My Jesus, all the things that are happening to me is to bring you glory, and I am happy for it.... then I listened and though... God, you don't need anything... yes, this brings glory to you, but you don't need me for it, you can use anyone, any situation, etc.... Actually, all that is happening to me.... this whatever is in my head is a present from you..... presents don't come always in a nice big package... and sometimes, they quite don't look like a present.... but, in reality, this whatever thing is in my head is the best present you have given me! why??? because through this you are teaching me so much... I am learning so much from you, and I am experiencing all your mercies, your love, your presence.... you are showing me all those ugly things about me that I need to change, that I need to work on.... THANK YOU GOD FOR THIS BRAIN TUMOR OR WHATEVER TAMALE I HAVE ON MY HEAD!!!! THANK YOU JESUS!

Tuesday, February 22, 2010

"Surely goodness and mercy shall follow me all the days of my life. Psalm 23:6

Ok, my flesh is acting up again... need some prayers friends... the medication I am taking is really affecting me, physically and emotionally... first the medication is timed, so I have to follow the rules, not miss a dose and do it at the time they told me to... well, every time I take it wakes me up... actually makes me do things that I will usually will not be so picky about... like...if I see a spot on the wall I Will scrub that spot 'till clean and shiny... kind a OCD stuff... when I take it at night 8pm... thoughts start to happen, I start to worry, I start to think, what's coming next, etc... I am so glad Bethany is staying with me these days, that way I focus my attention to her and love, and she draws me out from all those ugly feelings of concern ... but, when time to sleep comes... uff... can't sleep, I have my eyes close, but the wheels in my mind keep spinning, and the worse part is that I am so afraid about falling asleep... I know my mind is playing ugly games with me, and the doctor has told me unfortunately is a side effect of the medicine... but, I have no choice.
So, I pray and Pray, but although I know God is next to me, loving on my, my flesh is weak, and I am afraid of falling asleep....
The doctor has given me some medication to help me sleep, but, because my next dose of that medication (that is affecting me ) is a 2 am... then, is when I take the medication to help me sleep, that way, when I take the medication at 2am, in 10 minutes I am cooking (cause it also makes me hungry), cleaning the house, putting things away, etc... so, I take the medication to help me sleep along with the other medication that keeps me awake at the same time.... and then in works, after I eat something around 215 am, then I go to sleep....and sleep well.
But, I need your prayers, cause I need more sleep, I need to not be afraid of going to sleep, and I need to go to sleep at least around 10pm, to have a healthy sleeping pattern, enough hours and have the energy to take Bethany to school in the mornings and do all the things I have to do....
Please keep me in your prayers on this matter, I know is very personal, but you all are my friends, so I don't mind sharing.

personal note: I found this little encouragement card I will like to share with you... "When we fully understand the wonder of God's love, we will want to share it with everyone we know. We can't keep it inside. As we tell others, we will praise Him because He sacrificed His Son to make us right with Him and then, He gave us full access to Him."

Monday, February 22, 2010

"I will tell of the Lord's unfailing love, I will praise the Lord for all he has done." Isaiah 63:7

Another amazing day! Today I had my first "healing" counseling session... see, all the counseling sessions before were focused on Bethany and how to prepare her, prepare grandma and dad for what's to come... but, this time the counselor said... "Sofia, this counseling is for you... we need to work on you now... so, I listened... I don't know if I wrote this before to you guys, but my flesh is weak, and I've been praying a lot about mold and spiderwebs I have in my heart, resentment that I keep in my heart, anger that I don't know how to get rid of ... and all those things that are poison for the soul... God has been showing me all these things I have to work on... and today's session was an answer to that prayer!
The counselor made a point... when you have anger, resentment in your heart towards someone is like you are holding a pen in your hand... you keep looking at it and the more you look at it, the more you hold on to it... if you need to get rid of that anger and resentment, first you need to understand that when you forgive, you don't always forget, you are a human, you'll remember, but if you forgive you will release your self, you will be set free... so, first, you have to think... what good brings to keep holding that pen in your hand? (obviously, nothing)... now, to put that pen away, what do you think you need to do?... "My answer was, tell the truth, tell that person that hurt me, the reasons I felt betrayed, hurt, ignored, etc... but is hard for me, because if I say point blank all these things then I will hurt that persons feelings and everything will go down the hill and instead of peace more problems will arise.... Then, the counselor asked me... "Sofia, why do you want that person to know all these things?... my answer was... because, that person thinks I hurt him by actions and things I took in life... that I had no right to do what I have done... Then, the counselor said... "Sofia, listen to yourself... Do you have the right or the control over other people's point of view or reasoning or choices in life? ... I said "NO".... Do you think that by this time telling this person all your reasoning, things that hurt you, etc will change the mind of that person about your "wrong or not right of decisions in life or on that specific matter?... I said "no, of course not".... this person has the right and the choice to think and believe what it wants, you have to set free yourself and not try to control or direct people's point of view, choices of how they see things... that is something they choose to do, and whatever they say or point of view is you have to respect and don't feel bad of feel you have to defend yourself...
Now, I ask you again Sofia... will it do any good to bring all those things out again and talk to that person about? Do you think that person will understand?....
Healing started to happen in my heart friends... release of anger, resentment, peace started to flow in my heart... forgiveness started to happen... felt like medicine being poured right on the top and inside my heart, what a feeling, how released, what a peace...
Sometimes we make choices in life that hurt others, and hurt ourselves in the middle, but God knows our hearts, know our motives, know our heartaches, and He understands... sometimes although He has forgiven us, it is difficult for us to forgive ourselves... and that is really wrong, if God forgive us, how come we can not forgive ourselves... and many times if we do not forgive ourselves, we can not forgive others... and we are not set free... a lesson I learned, God has forgiven you Sofia, forgive yourself, forgive others and go on in life... free...

Locks of Love... I knew I had to cut my hair, so went pick up Bethany early from school and went to see my good friend Kathy Cravatta, as I told you before the plan was to cut my hair and donate it to Locks of love... So, at the beauty salon, Kathy braid a small part of my hair and allowed Bethany cut it, we put it in a small zip log bag with a letter I wrote to hair saying the reason why mommy is doing this as a keepsake for Bethany. Then, we cut the hair and got an 11 inch braid!, then Kathy gave me a beautiful haircut (Thank you friend, you always do an awesome job with my hair). Bethany looked at me and said... mommy, your hair is beautiful and that little girl without hair is going to look beautiful with your hair, and also you look beautiful too with your short hair now, you are beautiful mommy.... I am so blessed with my little sweet girl, she is so wonderful, smart and understanding! and she loves sharing... Thank you God. I am still new at this, so I'll try to post a pic of Bethany cutting my braid... I'll try.... thank you for reading my long story! Love you all!

Sunday, February 7, 2010

"Friends fill your life with joy, your soul with sunshine, and your heart with love."

I have to express my gratitude to My very good friends that are loving on me, praying for me, going through all these with me... I see God's hands reaching out to me through them... Kathy Wilson, my good sister, can't express my love for you girl.
Alice Bailey, showing up at the ER at midnight and staying with me 'til 3am, visiting me every day...Carol McBride, Kim Guilford, Julie Pippin, Laura McIver, Robbie Walker, Allison Ocampo, Ms. Helen Tesoriero, Maylem Gilmore, Theresa Willis, Julie Gazagnaire (always there for me, listening, caring), Dale and Karen Clark, Dennis Gallagher (what a good friend and listener you are!) Ruth Peterson (so many things I am learning from you), Beverly Tinklenberg, Robbie and Rob Woodrum, thank you for all your suppport. Kathy Cravatta, Sue Adams, Myra McDaniel, Stephanie and Ron Lippmann (you guys have blessed me in so many ways, thank you.) Darby Brown, Nan Conner, Jeanie Connell, Patti Crute (you are an inspiration), Rhonda and Rochelle Davis (thank you for being so good to Bethany) April Hess, Sue Watson (you inspire me), my good sister Liz Livingston (thank you for helping me with so many things and helping me build this blog!), Renata Murphree, Claire Noyes, Kim Rittman, Donna Wilbanks, Melissa Seeuws (I am so bless with your friendship and Satya and Bethany's friendship), Riley and Lynn Woodrum, Kelly Rits, and Susan Carroll (You are a real blessing in my life, thank you for helping me). Ken, Bonnie and Ray Wilcox for their support and love taking care of Bethany, thank you. Sorry if I have miss some names, I love you all, you are in my mind and heart.

Sunday, February 21, 2010

"I will make you into a great nation and I will bless you; I will make your name great, and you will be a blessing." Genesis 12:2

Church service was amazing today... we had Patrick and Barb at church, the missionaries that were affected when the earthquake in Haiti happened... Patrick almost die, he lost one arm... Barb his wife lost one leg... 2 lives dedicated to God, 2 hearts after the heart of God, doing nothing else but serving Him in Haiti, bringing souls to God... in Patrick's case is like God has raised him from the death... and today, both spoke... Barb, wow, what an inspiration, after all she has gone through, she praises God, laughs, big smile on her face, sharing love with everyone... Patrick... his message, so much passion when he shared, God used his lips and give him the strength to make the point... our lives are to serve God, not to serve ourselves and satisfy ourselves, our lives are to be used by Him.... if we do not allow him to use us, then our life is a waist.

See, Barb and Patrick have inspired me so much during their time of suffering, following up on their situation, they helped me to see my problem so little, thank you Patrick and Barb, you guys are an inspiration.

Saturday, February 20, 2010

"Blessed is the man who finds wisdom, the man who gains understanding, for she is more profitable than silver and yields better returns than gold." Proverbs 3: 13-14

Today I received the hospital bill from when I had the called "stroke" on January 1, 2010... I stayed at the hospital for 4 days and was released on the 5th day... I am telling you, every second you spend in a hospital bed, it costs $$$$ crazy!

So, let me tell you a little bit of background, when everything happened and I went to the hospital I was still working only part time at the old place, and really surviving with very little income, so I was at the time covered by medicaid... so THANK YOU JESUS THAT EVERYTHING HAPPENED WHEN I WAS STILL COVERED!... do you know how much that bill was, and I want to tell you, because the fact that God allowed medicaid to cover it is a miracle alone and that miracle brings glory to His name.... the bill was for $5, 798.18!!!! Now, think about it...me, Sofia, trying to pay a bill like that... how, how? I just start laughing thinking about it... For God there is nothing impossible.

Warning... if you see me on the street dancing, lifting my arms up high and worshiping God, crying or laughing, please don't think you have to call 911 and that I have to go to a psychiatric Hospital... I am just worshiping my God... I have had already those moments that I cannot stop crying and laughing and praising my Jesus, I just have so much joy in my heart, I can't stop myself.

Friday, February 19, 2010

"But I will restore you to health and heal your wounds, declares the Lord..." Jeremiah 30:17

20/20, never the need for glasses, but lately I see blurry sometimes, especially at night, so I got concern... my good friend Theresa Willis set me an appointment at the eye place she works (thank you friend!)...

God appointed the right doctor once again for me... a very nice christian, going over my medical history before the exam, he was so broken to know about my head situation and explained to me that maybe many of the blurry vision, etc may be caused by the medication I am taking... however, he run a complete set of tests... about one and half hour of tests... results... I am still 20/20! I jumped on the chair and said "Praise God" he was as happy as I was... he explained to me that the medicines I am taking are causing some high ocular pressure, but not that bad to be concern, that once I stop the medications, everything should be back to normal, gave me some eye vitamins, eye drops for the pressure and invited me to his church, gave me a hug and told me will be praying for me.

When the nurse walked me out for check out she said "the doctor saw that you have no insurance and you are self pay... so he is not going to charge you, he says he will be praying for you"... Friends, tears started to come out of my eyes.... I don't understand, I am a mess, I am only dust, a wretch, why are you so good to me, you keep giving and giving, providing for every single need, taking care of me like a precious baby... I love you my God, I do not deserve anything, but you are so good to me!

Thursday, February 18, 2010

"For I know the plans I have for you," declares the Lord, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." Jeremiah 29:11

I have not been feeling good lately, I went to my primary doctor to update him about Shands and discuss me not feeling good lately... as many as you know I had gestational diabetes when pregnant, it went away when Bethany was born, but once you have gestational diabetes there is a high chance that diabetes may come back at any time... well, lately I've been feeling symptoms that I had when I had diabetes... the doctor run some lab work.... Praise God! no diabetes!... he explained to me that some of the medications I am taking will make me feel that way, but that i am fine, no diabetes, yeah!

I am starting to look like Popeye eating spinach... my face is getting all puffy, my cheeks are growing (lol) the doctor explained to me is one of the medications that is doing that, but is part of the deal, sorry... whenever is time to stop the medicine, everything will go back to normal... it is ok with me, God is showing me that beauty is within, the outside eventually will fade away anyways, what we have to water and take care of is the beauty of our heart. So, please don't be scare if you see me one of these days and you will have to pull my cheeks apart to see my eyes ...ha, ha, ha.

Wednesday, February 17, 2010

"And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose." Romans 9:26

Ray and his mom went to see the counselor... Do you know what that meant to me? Do you know how much peace in my heart that their heart are willing and open to receive counseling for the sake of my Bethany and be prepared for the months to come when mommy is gone? I can't tell you how much appreciate their effort and love to do this, and I praise God that he is allowing that to happen. Thank you Ray, Thank you Bonnie.

Since I have to cut my hair.... and Bethany loves my hair.... the counselor advised that I donate my hair to "locks of love" the ones that make wigs for kids that do not have her due to cancer... and that I do the "cut" with Bethany ... So, I went online and show Bethany the Locks of Love site and pictures of little girls without hair.. I said to Bethany "mommy has to cut her hair before she goes to the hospital, so I want to donate my hair to this people, they can make a wig for one of this little girls that have no hair, so that she can be happy having some hair on her head, what do yo think?... she gave me a hi5 and smiled... so I am going to braid a little bit of my hair, cut it an put it in a zip log bag with a letter for Bethany explaining the Locks of Love thing and for her to have as a keepsake, just as the counselor advised)... So, on Monday 22nd my good friend Kathy Cravatta is going to braid my hair and allow Bethany to cut it!... Bethany is excited and looking forward for that day!
I am so bless to have a wonderful, smart, loving girl, that loves to share and do good things for others! God you are so good!

Tuesday, February 16, 2010

"Praise the Lord, O my soul, and forget not all his benefits- who forgive all your sins and heal all your diseases, who redeems you life from the pit and crowns you with love and compassion..." Psalm 103: 2-4

I apologize that I have not mention before a huge blessing in my life... I am new at blogging, so I am still trying to manage how to post things... Well, the blessing I am talking about is my good sister in Christ Kathy Wilson... you guys have no idea, what a wonderful, strong, christian lady... since everything happen she has been by my side, a real sister, putting herself aside to take care of me, driving me here and there, Tampa, Gainesville, calling me every day, blessing me with bible verses, praying for me, sharing with me... God has bonded my soul to hers, I am so bless to have her in my life... I'll post a picture of her, so that you all guys get to know her... and by the way, if I go for surgery or whatever happens to me, she will be the one keeping this blog going so that you guys know how I am doing, and what is going on with me....

Ok, my visit at Shands, I am so glad God open the door for me to come to this place, they are internationally know for being one of the best places for head and neck surgery....there is a waiting list, but there is nothing impossible for God, so when I talked to my primary Dr. he said to me...there is no way, you have no time... I told him...there is nothing impossible for God, please try... the same day the doctor call me and told me they accepted my case and that my appointment was on Tuesday Feb 16.... see....there is nothing impossible for God!

According to the people that work at Shands Dr. Murad is one of the best neurosurgeons there, I met him and he allowed me to pray before we started.... my impression is that he is very honest, straight to the point and clear... after he read the medical reports, and looked at the MRI's on the screen, slide by slide, he said "Sofia, I am not going to give you any answers... in your case this is what I am going to do... I am not going to take a decision on my own, this may not even be a tumor... I am going to call for a Medical Board Meeting, I am going to put together a team ... an oncologist, a radiologist, a pathologist and 2 o 3 other neurosurgeons. we are going to put your case on the table, images on the screen and discuss your case/options" But there is something I need, it is imperative that as soon as you come back to PC you FedEx me the first MRI done to your brain the day of the called "stroke".... So, I asked the Dr..... did you say options?... He answered "yes, I am not about to cut my patients head just because, I like to study the cases, I may call you after the board and tell you concrete answers then, but now, I can not tell you anything"... you have to wait for my call, and after that depending on what we decide treatment or surgery may happen in 4 to 6 weeks...

I was happy about his honesty, but to be honest with you I was a little bit upset because I wanted an answer right away, whatever good or bad... then came to my mind that just days ago I talked to a friend that is going through a health situation and she expressed to me her frustration about having to wait longer for her treatment, answers and outcome of her health situation, and that I told her... wait for the Lord's timing, maybe if you get your treatment as soon as you want to, it may not work, and the outcome will not be the right one... relax and take comfort that His timing is perfect, trust Him... Then, the same words that I said to her, came to my mind, and I said Lord, forgive me, I trust you, and I'll wait for your perfect timing. I look at the Doctor, shook his hand and said thank you, you have been very nice, honest and I will wait for your call.

I am so happy God put this doctor my way, I felt like he looked at me not as patient number 9, but as Sofia Wilcox a human that needs help, a patient he wants to take care of.... after that visit, you have no idea the weight that was lifted from my shoulders, the peace... can't describe...

All honor and power, all praises to God!

Monday, February 15, 2010

"Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid or terrified for the Lord your God goes with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you." Deuteronomy 31:6

What a day, exhausted, but with so much joy in my heart! Went to work, what an amazing day... I had a lot of bedside patients today, meaning... they are like sleeping and is very difficult to have them open their mouths so that I can do my job.... but, miracle happen... God helped me, I started talking softly next to their ears, telling them that Jesus loves them and that I want them to please open the mouth so that I can make them feel better, I started to sing to my patients "All for Jesus, all for Jesus, all I am and have..." mouth open, full treatment done... I was in awe, and the nurse... one of my patients even smiled at me... another one open his eyes and stared at me with wide mouth open allowing me to do a full treatment... another one move her hand and hold mine with love... what a blessing, felt like crying every time... The nurse smiled at me at the end and said "you are good man!" (lol).

Thank you God for this job and what are you allowing me to do, sharing your love with others.

Sunday, February 14, 2010

"Be still in the presence of the Lord and wait patiently for Him to act." Psalm 37:7

What an amazing Valentine's day, the best Valentine's day I have ever had in my life... I am so in love with Jesus! He loves me so much that gave me the best Valentine's present, his own life, his own blood, what a gift!

Today at church I was anointed with oil and the pastor and leaders of church prayed for me, what a blessing, meant so much.

God also appointed me to one of the leaders from church to give me advice and guide me about what is to come, prepare for the months to come financially, medically, etc, he and his wife were so nice giving me advice and guiding me in that sense, how helpful, and God gave me once again so much peace about it.

Breaking the news to Bethany, after church I followed the counselor advice, took Bethany to Lowe's to the garden section, told her to pick a big flower pot and that we will pick then flowers and plant them at home... while in the garden area I sat her on my lap and said "Bethany, you know mommy is sick, the doctors have to remove something that is on mommy's head to make her feel better, so mama has to spend sometime in the hospital, but mama may die and go to heaven too" ..she crawled on my lap like a little baby and start crying non stopping, I was crying too... just as the counselor told me, if she cries is good, because that means she is able to express her emotions, crying is the best reaction.... after about 5 minutes I lifted her chin up and said "it is not your fault, sickness and death is part of life, remember it is not your fault Bethany.... I love you, you are precious to mommy and God, remember it is not your fault... then she stopped crying and ask me for a soda (I got her a Pepsi, I thought some caffeine will be helpful!)... then, she asked..."can we pick up the flowers for the pot?... and we kept going if like nothing had happened, picked up flowers and a nice arrangement of flowers to visit her grandma for Valentine's ... Then we stopped by grandma's (as the counselor suggested) and sat on the floor and talked openly that Bethany knows what is going on with mommy, etc... Grandma was very supportive and loved on Bethany.

Then, just as the counselor told me I talked to Bethany's hands.... took both hands right and left and talked to them "Right hand and Left hand, your job is to love Bethany, she is going to be sad at times and miss mommy, she may be mad at times, and when that happens your job hands is to love on her, to hold her tight, to rub gently on her, pass gently through her hair that feels good, rub on her heart, she is precious, God, mommy, Daddy, Grandma, everyone loves her, and you hands, your job is to love on her too... Bethany kept looking at her hands and at my face, she smiled, she understood... Thank you God!

By far my friends, this has been the most difficult thing I have done in my life... telling my daughter that I may die??? God put the right words in my mouth, there is no way I could have done it without Him doing it actually for me....

Friday, February 12, 2010

"With God all things are possible" Matthew 19:26

God woke me up early this morning with a terrible pain on my knees, but I am happy He did... because, He woke me up with a purpose, first to be able to have a stress-free morning and have everything ready on time to go to work and... to receive a very important call from my uncle Victor (He is my father's brother and to me my father too-- my father die when I was 10, since then, uncle Victor has been like me father to me). So he called to check on me, following up on my health, etc... but, confession here, although I love him so much, and I have shared my faith with, I have never got the guts to straight forward talk about Jesus, afraid of him rejecting me and asking me not to talk about it again... for the longest time I said to myself "I'll talk to him next time"... but, today everything went different, we talked on the phone for very, very long... I told him my dad gave his heart to Jesus one week before he died, and that because of his decision I have full confidence that I'll see him again...Uncle Victor started to ask questions, I shared with him why I believe what I believe and how I have full confidence that if I die today I'll go straight to heaven and that I will see my Jesus and my dad again... I asked him if he will pray with me and accept Jesus as Lord and Savior.... He prayed with me on the phone and accepted Jesus in his heart! I heard him crying on the line, I was crying too... Now I know that when the time come I am going to see my dad and my uncle too! Can't describe you how I feel!!!! After the call, got on my knees and praise God, jumped, danced with joy! SEE, THANK YOU GOD YOU HAVE THIS MASS, TUMOR, WHATEVER THING IS IN MY HEAD... NOTHING OF THIS WONDERFUL THINGS WILL BE HAPPENING IF THIS THING WILL NOT BE ON MY HEAD.... THANK YOU, THANK YOU IT IS ON MY HEAD!!! YOU ARE USING MY LIFE NOW, THANK YOU FOR USING MY LIFE FOR YOUR GLORY AND PURPOSE!

After that call, the pain on my knees completely went away... God gave me once again the energy and strength to do my work, share his love with my patients and nurses, another successful day at work! thank you my dear Papa!

Thursday, February 11, 2010

"The Lord is my strength and my shield; my heart trust in him, and I am helped. My heart leaps for joy and I will give thanks to him in song." Psalm 28:7

After working all night long with the papers and things to take to do my work the next day in the facilities, Awoke up tired, but with joy.... I got on my knees and ask God to give me the strength and fill me with the spirit, to go before me and to be with me and work next to me all day long, so that I can do an outstanding work for my patients that will benefit them. I had a busy day, but God put strength, love and the skill to treat my patients. God put love in my heart and the right words to talk to my nurses and patients. Friends my day at work was one of the best ones! Went really smooth and I had energy raining on me! I love, laugh, sung to my patients and tell them how much Jesus loves them... my work is so much fun! At the end, everyone was happy and please... all my patients say "thank you and hugged me... If God grants me more life, after all this surgery thing or whatever, I can't wait to go back on my feet and go back to work!

Prayer Request: There is something I need to ask you to pray for me please... There is something God is showing me is going on with me... the more He shakes the cup of my heart, the more he shows me I have lots of spiderwebs, mold, resentment, anger and pride... and He is telling me that I need to work on it... it is not easy... it is very easy to love people that love me and is there for me, but it is not easy to get free of all resentment and anger when you have been hurt, when people treat you bad or try to hurt you... that's when we have to love more, and learn to forgive and get rid of bad feelings as anger and resentment... they are just poison to our souls... Jesus tells me, I understand Sofia, I have been hurt too, rejected and betrayed, I know how you feel, but you have to learn to let go, forgive and get rid of bad feelings. Please pray for me, for this old heart of mine, that there is a change and I can free myself from feelings that should not be in my heart.

Wednesday, February 10

"So, I say to you: Ask and it will be given to you, seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened t you..." Luke 11:9

My car loan was approved! Something I have been praying about, yeah!

Also, the good Lord knew I needed a little dental work done, but no insurance... so I called one of my good dental hygienist friend that is working for a dentist that I have worked in the past replacing a hygienist once in while when she couldn't make it to work. She asked the doctor if he will give me a discount for the dental work I needed... he told her just to call me and ask me to stop by... He did took care of my dental need and told me Robbie had share my health situation and that him and his wife are praying for me and that he knows that in the near future once I get better he will be calling me to work for him. About the dental work... he did not charge me a penny... God softens and hardens hearts, there is nothing impossible for him... His hands are at work all the time!

Because I have been so busy trying to line things up for the things to come and taking care of Bethany, I completely neglected all the work and preparation for the 2 days of work coming... so last night, God gave me the energy and mind to prepare all the paperwork needed for next day, all my hygiene instruments to carry along with me to the facilities, goodies for my nurses and patients, and He gave me a good night rest! Praise God always!

Tuesday, February 9, 2010

"The Lord's delight is in those who honor Him; those who put their hope in His unfailing love" Psalm 147:11

God keeps showing up... Met with the counselor today, what a nice and knowledgeable lady... we bonded very well from the beginning. Focused on Bethany more than anything else and in what is best for her well being. She told me that is crucial to be honest with her, that I need to tell her the truth about my situation, that I have something in my head that is making me sick and the doctors have to remove it to make me better, that I have to spend time in the hospital and that maybe even mommy may die and not come back. She said that if I don't tell her and something happens to me, she will keep resentment in her heart and feel is all her fault, and that in the long run I have abandoned her, because is her fault, because she is bad. The counselor explained to me that at her age is imperative to be honest, at this age they understand sickness and death... if I am not honest or sugar coat things, the outcomes may be bad... if something happens to me, she may blame herself and start self punishing herself... pinching herself, cutting herself, etc... and if she is found by adults doing that and they punish her for doing it, then she will start doing it in secret and will grow up with anger, resentment, guilt in her heart and be one of those poor souls out there that self inflict themselves cutting and hurting themselves to feel better and relieve their emotions... Very informative session... very helpful... she gave me some tips how to break the news to her... so, next Sunday is the D-Day.

God is giving me the strength keep going every day, so many things to do... I am going to see my patients at the hospices this week (my last round of work before absence of leave) and I am so excited, I love my job! I got some little bible keepsakes for my nurses and stickers for my patients, lots of words of love that I know God will put in my heart at the right moment... Can't wait! I pray God will give me the strength to do my job... see... many of the patients I see are on wheelchairs, or bed... so, it is not about just me sitting on a chair and doing dental hygiene... actually many times I have to bend down, reach down to their bed level, get on my knees, a lot of physical work... and because of my situation, believe me... if is not because God is giving me the strength of a warrior, there is now way I will be able to do it.

Besides all these, of course I am trying to spend as much time with my Bethany as possible, picking her up from school, feeding her right, having fun with her, sitting down on the floor with her and playing with her toys acting out bible stories (she loves it).... I am exhausted, but I am so happy. Thank you loving Papa in heaven, you are giving me all these extra-strength to do all these!

Personal Note: I thank God he is allowing me to see how important is to share the gospel with people, not to be afraid of doing it (I have always being afraid of being rejected by doing so), but now I am not afraid anymore!, Jesus was rejected too. I am learning to allow Him to use me, my hands, my mouth, to reach out people that he love so much that he gave his life for them!

Something else I am learning... There are so many brothers and sisters that are going through battles, they need prayers... and I am learning from a good sister from church"Ruth" a praying chair... A friend gave me this huge wicker chair that I was going to return, but... I just discovered is very comfortable, but not too comfortable to fall asleep... it is the perfect praying chair!... when you start praying for people, not just for you and your needs, but for others, it is amazing! confession is that before I had a hard time praying for too long, but the Lord is teaching me how good and refreshing it can be, it is a moment of complete communion with God, lifting people's needs to him, taking time to just be silent and listen to Him, to wait and see what he puts in your heart. It feels so good to cry out the need of others, to grieve with them and feel for them... then, our own needs seem so little, that you laugh about them! Thank you God once again for this whatever thing I have on my head, otherwise I will not be learning so much from you, I will be probably on the same ignorant state of being focus just on silly me. thank you Jesus!

Sunday, February 7, 2010

"Peace I leave with you; my peace I give to you. I do not give to you as the world gives. Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid." John 14:27


On my way to church I almost got in a really bad car accident... and my Bethany was in the car... God protected us.
Green light, moving forward, on my left this big gold and red with Cadillac run the red light... did not hit me by few inches, I don't know how he was able to stop, the face of his car was just inches away from my side window... I was in shock... the only thing I was able to see is that his car was like moving up and down...... in my mind the only thing I could visualize was this big tall angel with a sword with fire right in front of his car... it could have been really bad friends, could have kill me or accelerate the process of my condition or make it so much worse. Thank you Jesus for your protection.

Monday, February 8, 2010

"Behold, I am doing a new thing; now it springs forth, do you not perceive it? I Will make a way in the wilderness and rivers in the desert" Isaiah 43:19

I saw the Neurosurgeon for the second time, he accepted my little christian book divider and told him I was already praying for him, either him being the one doing the surgery or not... he said "thanks". After that he looked into my eyes and told me "Sofia, I am glad you are going for a second opinion to "Shands" it is a good place, the only thing I want you to keep in mind is that if you have surgery there I'll be happy for you, if you do it here I'll do my best, but understand this is real and you need to have it done as soon as possible... your chances are 50/50.

Actually, what he told me gave me peace, knowing that he is honest and looking after me...later on I met with some friends from church that gave me good references about this doctor, and that gave me even more peace.

Praises and more praises to God... I was able to talk to the people I work for and I was able to be honest and telling them what was going on, the lady that hired me said "Sofia, as far as we are concern you are part of this company already, you take absence of leave without pay, but your job is here waiting for you. When you get up on your feet and ready to work, you come back. Our prayers and hearts are with you".... For God there is nothing impossible...
I got in touch with a good friend that is a Dental Hygienist and I have worked with her for 6 months at the same place "Laura"... I broke the news to her, she cried with me, she told me how much I reminded her of her sister that has Leukemia and is going through a very delicate treatment at Shands. I asked her if she will replace me at work during the time I am out, she said she may, I pray she will, I'll be so happy is she does, she is very good and I know she will love it too.

Because of what I told her, she shared with her sister Karen that is at Shands getting treatment, and then that nite I received a message from Karen saying "sofia, you don't know me, but Laura told me about you, etc... from that point on we have become facebook friends and be able to encourage each other, share bible verses, small notes, and actually she has been a blessing giving me tips and advice about Shands, places to stay, how to blog, etc... Thank you God for giving me a new friend!

So many things happened today... A friend from church "Dennis" recommended this Covenant Hospice Counseling center (it is free!) they offer counseling for people in situations like me with little kids... He recommended a specific counselor... went there once, but they never called me back... so today I stopped by and said "God, if you want me here they will take me" so I walked in and one of the counselors was by the door saying "My patient is late, you are not my patient, but, would you like to come in?... guess what, that counselor was the same one that my friend Dennis highly recommended to me... God at work once again... we talked, we bonded right away, very nice lady, understood the situation and we scheduled counseling sessions. Thank you my God almighty.

Another concern for me is how this situation is going to affect Bethany at school... so I stopped by school and asked for the school counselor... What do you think guys? ha, ha, ha,... she was expecting me! She told me she knew the situation already... how?... a good girlfriend of mine (ex-teacher at GCCC) "Carol" knowing my situation talked to the Dr. she works for and that I have worked for when doing my rounds at CCA (prison) during my time as a Dental Hygiene student, so the doctor gave the heads up to his wife (the counselor at school). So, she was expecting me anytime... very nice lady, and she told me she will be seeing Bethany every day and following up close and help her in any way possible and work with her teacher about the subject... how amazing guys... tears coming from my eyes... God, why are you so good to me?

PS: In the middle of the storm He is there, I am nothing but dust, however, He loves me anyway, what an Amazing God, all powerful, all loving... all of us we are facing so many different battles, but we have to keep in mind that He is faithful, he will never let us go, there is nothing bigger than His power, nothing out of his control, nothing impossible for him.

Friday, January 1st, 2010

"When you pass through the waters, I will be with you; And when you pass through the rivers, They will not sweep over you. When you walk through the fire, You will not be burned; The flames will not set you ablaze." Isaiah 43:2

On January 1st, 2010 my life turned completely around, a "stroke"...5 days in the hospital, then after tons of exams the stroke was ruled out, doctors in town said "brain tumor"...you have few weeks to decide for surgery, otherwise with our symptoms you may drop on the floor, be paralyzed for life or die, may happen any time, weeks, months or few years from now 3 or max. 5. Shocking news for me, couldn't stop crying... Why me Lord, I am 35! I have a beautiful daughter that I love with all my heart, goals in life, things to achieve, you just gave me a new job that I love... Why me Father?

Friends, how wrong I was, asking God why me, why is this happening to me, everything was looking gray, sad, wrong, punishment?... Today, I see things in a completely different light... I have finally stooped asking why this is happening to me... Now God has given me this huge pair or bionic glasses to allow me see better; He has let me borrow His eyes for a second, and now I see...

My life has been so self centered, so selfish, thinking about me, me, me; opening my eyes every morning thinking about all the things that need to be done, chores, achieve goals for the future, how to make more money, how to succeed in this broken world, trying to fill my heart with foolish things that thought will complete me and bring satisfaction in my life... how foolish, how wrong...

See, when I gave my heart to Christ I said I will follow him, that I will obey him and my life will be dedicated to him... did I do what I said I will... of course not....'til all these has happened I've been living far from the truth.

Today, I have stopped asking God why is this happening to me, today I proudly say 'THANK YOU GOD THAT I HAVE THIS THING ON MY HEAD, IT IS A BLESSING I HAVE IT!!" I praise you God that you put this on my head, because if is not that is there I will not see life the way I see it now, and I will not be able to see how many wonderful things you are doing in my life and what is happening to me is bringing glory to your name, and now you are able to use my life, and that is all that matters"

Finally I understand that my life is His, my life is to be used by Him for His purpose, not mine, the center of my life is Jesus, to serve him and allow him to use my life to bring glory to Him... what a difference, do you know how it feels when God uses your life for his purpose? it is the most precious gift that you can ever receive! For the first time in my life, every time I open my eyes in morning I wake up with a big smile on my face, with so much joy in my heart that I cannot describe, praising God for one more day of life, that I can open my eyes, move my arms and legs, that I can turn and kiss my daughter and love on her, pray with her and tell her how much God loves her and teach her how to praise him... We take life for granted so easily, every day is a gift from God.

This is the first time in my life that I feel the presence of the Lord in my life, so close that sometimes feels like He is sitting next to me, walking around with me holding my hand... incredible... I just start crying every time, not because of sadness, but because of joy.

Now, I have no clue what's to happen next, I could get hit by a car today and that will the end, maybe I will have to have surgery soon, maybe the Lord will heal me, maybe the Lord will take me home soon; but, I am at peace, peace that only God can give, whatever His plan is I am at peace with it, and ready for his will to be done. I am so glad our sovereign God is in control of everything!

I love life, my daughter... but she is not mine, she is God's and I trust if God takes me home, He will take care of her, lead her on his path, protect her, provide for her and never let her go.

A few weeks ago I read a book to her, about a Lion King and a raccoon (Adam) the king allows all the animals to play and swim everywhere, except a lake that a current pulls into a waterfall... the mischievous raccoon of course jump in the water and is pulled on the waterfall, friends tried to help him, but they couldn't ... the king jumps into the water and saves the raccoon, but the king dies in the attempt... everyone is sad... and suddenly, out of the bushes there is the king! the only thing the king asks the raccoon is to follow him and obey him from that point on... I explained to Bethany that the King is Jesus, that we are all sinners and disobey, etc, but Jesus gave his life to save us, shed his blood for us so that we can have eternal life... she got the point..I asked her if she wanted to accept Jesus in her heart, she said "yes mama" she prayed with me... Do you have any idea what that meant to me? I strongly believe that when you get the concept and with a sincere heart you give your heart to Christ, it is done deal, He has claimed you, and you are His forever. you may walk your own way in life, go up and down, but God will never forget about you, and will always keep pulling you his way "Hey, you are mine, time to follow me"... I was 7 when I gave my heart to Christ, I have run away, done my own things, tried to hide from him, etc, but, He has always bring me back to Him, Thank you Jesus for never let me go!