Sunday, February 14, 2010

"Be still in the presence of the Lord and wait patiently for Him to act." Psalm 37:7

What an amazing Valentine's day, the best Valentine's day I have ever had in my life... I am so in love with Jesus! He loves me so much that gave me the best Valentine's present, his own life, his own blood, what a gift!

Today at church I was anointed with oil and the pastor and leaders of church prayed for me, what a blessing, meant so much.

God also appointed me to one of the leaders from church to give me advice and guide me about what is to come, prepare for the months to come financially, medically, etc, he and his wife were so nice giving me advice and guiding me in that sense, how helpful, and God gave me once again so much peace about it.

Breaking the news to Bethany, after church I followed the counselor advice, took Bethany to Lowe's to the garden section, told her to pick a big flower pot and that we will pick then flowers and plant them at home... while in the garden area I sat her on my lap and said "Bethany, you know mommy is sick, the doctors have to remove something that is on mommy's head to make her feel better, so mama has to spend sometime in the hospital, but mama may die and go to heaven too" ..she crawled on my lap like a little baby and start crying non stopping, I was crying too... just as the counselor told me, if she cries is good, because that means she is able to express her emotions, crying is the best reaction.... after about 5 minutes I lifted her chin up and said "it is not your fault, sickness and death is part of life, remember it is not your fault Bethany.... I love you, you are precious to mommy and God, remember it is not your fault... then she stopped crying and ask me for a soda (I got her a Pepsi, I thought some caffeine will be helpful!)... then, she asked..."can we pick up the flowers for the pot?... and we kept going if like nothing had happened, picked up flowers and a nice arrangement of flowers to visit her grandma for Valentine's ... Then we stopped by grandma's (as the counselor suggested) and sat on the floor and talked openly that Bethany knows what is going on with mommy, etc... Grandma was very supportive and loved on Bethany.

Then, just as the counselor told me I talked to Bethany's hands.... took both hands right and left and talked to them "Right hand and Left hand, your job is to love Bethany, she is going to be sad at times and miss mommy, she may be mad at times, and when that happens your job hands is to love on her, to hold her tight, to rub gently on her, pass gently through her hair that feels good, rub on her heart, she is precious, God, mommy, Daddy, Grandma, everyone loves her, and you hands, your job is to love on her too... Bethany kept looking at her hands and at my face, she smiled, she understood... Thank you God!

By far my friends, this has been the most difficult thing I have done in my life... telling my daughter that I may die??? God put the right words in my mouth, there is no way I could have done it without Him doing it actually for me....