Santa ???

"On the first day of Christmas my true love gave to me...
One rocking horse...
On the second day of Christmas my true love gave to me...
Two candles arrangements...
On the third day of Christmas my true love gave to me...
Three Christmas plants, each one in their own tin base...
On the fourth day of Christmas my true love gave to me...
Four bags of chocolates...
On the fifth day of Christmas my true love gave to me...
Five chocolate cups on a tray, with many assorted bags (Land O' Lakes) of cocoa mix... plus a beautiful flower.
On the sixth day of Christmas my true love gave to me...
A box of six blue stars for the Christmas tree ...
On the seventh day of Christmas my true love gave to me...
A set of cookie cutters...
On the eight day of Christmas my true love gave to me...
A box with eight delicious red apples...
On the 9th day of Christmas my true love gave to me...
A bag with 9 bells for the tree...
On the 10th day of Christmas my true love gave to me...
Five pairs of gloves...
On the Eleventh day of Christmas my true love gave to me...
Eleven Candy Canes...
On the Twelfth day of Christmas my true love gave to me...
?????? Nothing!, Nada!, Zero!,
Who is my Secret Santa? .... Hones, I have no clue!

Christmas is here...

"Not by works of righteousness which we have done, but according to His mercy He saved us, through the washing of regeneration and renewing of the Holy Spirit" Titus: 3:5

I am so glad that salvation is not by works, but by faith. There is another Bible verse that says that salvation is by faith and not deeds so no one boast.
How many times I have done a good deed, felt good about it, but many times feeling like "the good one", and you know, it is really easy for me to boast on something good I do; however, the word makes me recognize that it is my flesh, pride growing in me, and although yes, is a blessing to feel good when we do good, but it is wrong to feel we are the owners of heaven because of it.
It amazes me when I think about my Jesus, leaving His kingdom, to come to earth to serve me, to die for me. Coming like a little baby, completely needy of care like any other human.
Christmas, a time to meditate about what an incredible gift we have received... our Jesus, our Savior was born long time ago, came as a babe, weak and in need of care; The King of Kings and Lord of Lords left everything for us and came to this world in the most humbled way so that you and me could be saved.
The Bible says that anyone that believes in Him, and confesses with his lips He is the Messiah, The Savior (our) will be saved. How wonderful this is, and what a relief for me that I am not saved by the good deeds I do ( I fall short) and that I am saved by His grace only, that He paid the price of my sins, giving me the ultimate gift of love, dying in the cross.
Let's rejoice this Christmas, let's forget if we do or we don't have enough money for gifts, let's be at peace with ourselves and relax that salvation, the best gift ever, has been granted to us through Jesus Christ our Lord.
Merry Christmas!!!!

Christmas Miracles

"The Lord shows his true love every day. At night I have a song, and I pray to my living God" Psalm 42:8

Praises to my father God, wonderful savior, miracle maker. He has shown me one more time how much He loves me and how much He cares for me. I went to the doc yesterday, my oncologist told me the MRI taken last week is identical to the one taken in September, that is good news, it means the "tumor" has not changed shape or size, so it is dormant. We were expecting some growth and that was going to help us know how fast it was moving, growing and give us an idea for my future.
Next is gonna be another MRI in 3 months (March 07,2012). if the MRI comes out to be like the last one, not showing changes or growth, then there is a possibility that the call "tumor" is not just but a tissue growth and not cancer.
I am happy with the news, and as I said before, life, the days of our life are already counted by our God, there is no fear, only peace.
I am enjoying my mom's visit, it is a blessing to have her here, Bethany is good, healthy and growing up, God has bless me with wonderful brothers and sisters in Him, what else can I ask for? I am bless.
Gotta go... blessings to all,
Sofia

Answered Prayers

"...God gives you his Spirit and works miracles among you because you heard the Good News and believed it". Galatians 3:5

It has been an adventure of emotions for me. First, God answered my prayer about going to my sister Maria Elena's wedding in Gran Rapids, Michigan. Everything went well, and it was wonderful to see my sister again, specially for her wedding! She allowed me to help prepare all the details, decor, and cake decor, I was so excited, almost like celebrating my own wedding (lol). I am attaching a few pictures of the wedding. One of them is with my nephew "Ismael" (my sister's Maria Elena son); this picture is special for me since I saw my sister's womb knowing God was making him, and when he was born, he was so little I was afraid to carry him; and now he is a young man, taller than me! he is a very smart kid, I am proud of him, the best part is that he knows the Lord and is growing knowing about Him.

God answered me another petition, He allowed my mama to get her visa and she finally arrived to the States Nov 22. It is a real blessing to have her here with me, God is good, almighty God, nothing is impossible for Him, nothing. Praises to him always!

About my chemo... I prayed and ask for prayer about what decision to take, if going to Memphis for treatment or not (since seems Memphis is the only place that offers a kind of treatment for me). God gave peace in my heart about the idea of staying here in Panama City and not taking the treatment in Memphis. I based the decision on the duration of treatment (2 years), quality of life during treatment, my daughter. I did not feel at peace taking a medicine that only "could" cure me and last for 2 years. also the idea of not really knowing the side effects except that they may be similar to chemo and/or death. knowing that I won't be able to move my daughter for those 2 years and have her away from me. 2 years is too long for being away from my daughter and a decent quality life... what about if I only have 2 more years left? will I spend the time trying a new medicine (tried only in mice) with possible bad side effects, away from my daughter and friends? sorry, sounds like 2 good years wasted to me.
I've heard about a vitamin C infusion trial in a study in Texas (of short duration), I am gonna research more about it. For now I am spending a wonderful, marvelous time with my mom and friends. Every day is a gift to me.

Today I am going for another MRI and on Tuesday I will see my Oncologist to know about the tumor behavior (if it has grown, how fast is growing, changing shape, etc) that way we will know a little bit more of how I am doing. I truly agree with my doctor, we may be able to see how fast is growing and how big is getting, but it is impossible to predict what is gonna happen next or when... God is the only one who knows; in the mean time I rest in peace in His loving arms, with confidence he has prepared for me what is best in the coming future.

CHEMO NEWS-OCT011

"Remember that I commanded you to be strong and brave. So don't be afraid. The Lord your God will be with you everywhere you go." Joshua 1:9

I don't like talking just about me, but I know you all want to know how did it go with the last chemo. I did not take my last chemo since the results of my MRI showed the cancerous tumor is back, same spot. My Oncologist here had a conference call with my oncologist in Shands, and both determined that I have not many options at this point:
1)Go to Memphis to St. Jude Hospital for an experimental treatment (although St. Jude is a hospital for kids, they will take my case since it is a children cancer)
2)Have brain surgery again, but keeping in mind that is the last resort once grown, and the last time they can do brain surgery in me since that area of my brain has been operated already and part has been removed. I only have the chance for one more surgery, that's it.
3)Don't do anything, just wait and see what happens.

So, here you see me between:

1)Going for an experimental drug that has not been approved by the FDA yet and has been tested only in animals. It may work and kill the cancer or may not work and make me miserable during treatment and during whatever time of life I have left, far from Bethany, and my church family, my independence and area I know.
2)Taking the chance and be optimistic, not taking the unknown treatment, and live whatever time of life left in a happy, joyful time. Spending good times with my Bethany, teaching her to follow God and His paths (in the best way I can), enjoy time with my brothers and sisters in Christ(that the Lord has bless me with)...

Can you see the picture? a scale with 2 arms... one holding the unknown, the other one holding the known

What have I decide to do?

This is a difficult decision to make, so I have prayed to the King of Kings to take the decision for me, and to tell me out loud (sometimes I can be really deaf!) what He wants me to do. I want guidance on this one, so I know my Lord, my King will show me and confirm the way I should go.
God has the days of my life counted as well as the number of hairs in my head, I have faith He has a wonderful purpose with a good out coming in all the things that He permits to happen in our lives.
I have peace in my heart, and know this peace comes from my Jesus; I have the strength to keep going, because of Him. I have the assurance that Bethany will be fine if the Lord calls me home, she is God's princess, I know He will guide her and love her. He will never leave her, not forsake her. I know my mom, sisters, brothers and friends will miss me, but their faith and understanding of eternal life promised to us through Jesus will keep them up, looking forward to the day that we will see each other again.

I have assurance that if I go home, I will be dancing on my Father's field, that I will see my earthly dad again, and best of all I will be hanging around with Jesus, and I will finally understand many things.

The idea of going home does not make me sad, because I know with all my heart that everyone I will leave behind will be taking care by my father Jesus; there will be no tears, no worries, no fights at my Father's house. But, if my God grants me more years of life, then I will be singing songs of joy, worshiping God and telling my story, anything that may bring glory to God.

The pictures I am attaching are from a butterfly called Rosie. Bethany found this wounded butterfly on the ground, couldn't fly no more cause her wings were broken; nevertheless, Bethany picked it up and brought it home. We cut a grape for her and place flowers. She did stick her pick in and out of the grape to eat (that alone was a beautiful view), then she started trying to fly while standing on our hands, hair, fingers, etc. She finally died few days later; but, she left us with good memories. She shared with us her beauty, and during her short life brought a smile to our face and shown us the wonders of God's creation.

ps: I will be participating in a prayer-walk fund raiser that will benefit the medical mission of In Deed and Truth Ministry (Tonj, Africa). If is in your heart to help them, sponsor me writing a check to them: In Deed and Truth Ministry . All donations are tax deductible.

You can mail your gift to Indeed to:

P.O. Box 273
Lynn Haven, FL 32444

Please check their website for more information and to find out all the wonderful things they are doing for the people of Tonj, Africa.

Their website: www.indeedandtruth.org

Love you all!
ps: Don't pay attention to the date on the pic... I had not have the chance to change the date on my camera (lol)

Thursday...

"From the fullness of His grace we have all received one blessing after another" John 1:16

He is the King of kings and Lord of lords, we are so bless when out of His mercy He grants us what we need, not exactly what we want, but what we need.
He is the great provider, friend (in the Bible He refer to us as friends!).
My car started to play games w me, so took the boy to a garage... = sick... the poor thing was leaking oil, but to repair that was out of my hands...however I prayed, and God provided a way to get it fix...Thank you Jesus!
I don't deserve anything, but when I am in need He is always there..."from the fullness of His grace we have all received one blessing after another"...
I thanks Jesus for all His mercy and blessings received (friends, family, provision, etc). He knows my needs and your needs too!
With Love in Christ,
Sofia
ps: here a pic of my and my good friend Jenny that came all the way from Virginia to see me and take care of me =)

What is going on...

"He reached down from on high and took hold of me; He pulled me out of deep waters" Psalm 18:16

Updates:

My sister is getting married in a month
My mom's visa has been denied, but there is still one more possibility, help me keep praying about it, the situation is in the Lord's hands, He knows better if is good or not good for her to come and visit.
6th and last cycle is around the corner (October 6th)
Tests and check ups will be taking place in Dec or Jan since chemo keeps working in your body for few months after the last dose.

Yesterday I was not feeling the best, the feeling of being not worth it was hunting me; a feeling of distress and self pity surrounded me (specially when I try to make plans spending time with my Bethany, but I have no enough strength), but how good it is that God is always watching us, and knows our hearts, even when we don't ask, He already knows our needs. Then all of the sudden I saw a friend at the public store, after greeting her she said a couple of things (without knowing my thoughts) that really lifted me up and made me feel loved by God, and useful, even my condition.

Believing in Him has been a blessing; knowing Him has been the best thing that has happened in my life.

The Bible says that even the demons believe and tremble... but, to know Him is different from just believing...as Beth Moore says, I just don't believe in Him, He is someone I know. I've felt His presence, I've seen his activity, I've experience His deliverance, I've been touch by His healing, I've witnessed answer prayers...yes I believe, but more than that, I know Him.

How did I get to know Him? Opening my heart to Him, asking Him to come into my life and direct my life from that point on, asking Him for forgiveness (that by grace He granted to all that believe and professes His name as the only way, the truth and the light), asking Him to be my friend and be my Father, to live in my heart forever and ever.

Thanks for your prayers =)

Only one cycle left!!!!

"...I do not look with disdain upon my weaknesses. I use them as an opportunity for God to display His powerful strength". 2nd Corinthians 12:10

I believe the weaknesses could be physical or spiritual or both. with tribulation we defend ourselves with the strength of Jesus, go through the storm, we are able to learn to have faith and to depend humbly in God's plans for our life.
Before I got sick, I thought I knew what faith was, and that I have lots of it...when the tribulation approached my doors I realized that stressing out, being anxious was lack of faith...I was not trusting God, just kept feeling pity for my self and asking God "Why me Lord"...now I look back and I can see part of his magnificent plan, through this storm He haves shaped me with a lot of love, and has given me the honor to share about Him with others.
One of the first things that come to my mind is when I woke up after my first brain surgery and being able to move my right arm, move my face on the right side, after my first check exam my neurosurgeon got in tears (he knew my beliefs cause I even pray for him) he said it was a miracle that I had complete control on the right side of my body cause during surgery they damaged me when taking the cancer tumor... next thing I know there is a bunch of doctors coming to see me, I was the miracle patient on the 7th floor... His power is shown in our weaknesses.
Today I got my 5th chemo, only one more to go!!!!! I am so exited!
The not too good news is that I believe cracked a tooth when eating peanuts, I had a lot of pain and took some pain medicine, but please help me pray that the dentist will be allowed to treat me and that it will be minor...honestly, although I am on the dental field, I am still afraid of dentist.
Also help me keep praying for my mom's visa so she can visit me.
Love you all,
Gods many blessings be upon you

Almost Done

"May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace" Romans 15:13

I've been reading chapter 6 and 7 of Romans last night; and it is comforting to know that even Paul (specifically chosen to spread the word of Jesus), he failed many times, but the Lord picked him up...during those verses you read about his fight against his flesh and doing what he is not to do and not doing what he is to... and that is so familiar...but the Lord never left his side.
In a way this is encouraging to me, through this disease I don't count the many blessings I received from God every time... I have times that I only complain and lack trust in our Jesus, I have feelings of insecurity (feelings that absolutely not come from my Father God), the more insecure I feel, the more likely I am to fail and sin.
The good news is that even that is the case Jesus does not leave me or forsake me, He is always there for me, to help me reason and repent.
Cycle 4 is done! I had to receive a transfusion this time, but I am ok now, and thank you Lord for the person that donated the blood.
I have 2 more cycles to go, October 6th should be the last one (God allowing)... I am so excited!!!
My mom wants to come visit me, but it all depends if she is able to get a U.S. visa, please help me pray that the visa is given to her so that I can see her again.
With love in Christ,
Sofia

"I live by faith in the son of God, who loved me and gave Himself for me" Galatians 2:20

I can't stop praising God, blows my mind how good He is to us, a love that is difficult to understand, but how good to accept and live under.
Next Tuesday I start cycle 4, time is flying, soon all this will be over. I am living day by day as the Lord wants me to, not worried about tomorrow cause tomorrow's is His.
I am learning to follow His path and (not mine anymore) with the confidence that He guides me to what He knows is good for me, because He loves me.

Resting Period

"We know how dearly God loves us, and we feel this warm love everywhere" Romans 5:5

No matter how many times we make a mistake He is always there... His arms around us (in my case I feel his love through the love of my sisters and brothers in Christ) my biological family may be far away, but my spiritual family is here, close to me.
Cycle #3 is done! now I am on a period of resting until July26... I am so happy... I felt very sick all the way until today, so here I am writing since I feel better.
I have developed something called neuropathy that hopefully is gonna go away when I finish chemo... my hands shake like the hands of an old lady, i have no strength on my fingers (cant even open a bottle of water) forget about me doing something that takes precision, i am walking like a duck, don't feel my toes and my legs feel as heavy as they could be, I have lost a lot of weight, etc... but, you know why I am thank you to the Lord? because, I may have trouble with my fingers, but I do have hands, I may have trouble walking, but I have legs and I walk (although in a funny way), I may have trouble with my vision, but I see the glory of God's creation, and best of all I am learning compassion.
Have a wonderful week =)

Burning House

"God... is the blessed controller of all things, the king over all kings and the master of all masters" 1st timothy 6:15

It is so true that "church" is not a building, we are the church... we all make a unique contribution that forms a body, we are part of the body of Christ. We have been designed in a magnificent way, with our virtues and failures... we are unique.
Many times we look so hard for fulfillment in another human, what a big mistake and as my big brother Rob said... it is unfair to expect another human to fill the emptiness in our heart, Jesus is the only one that can occupy that empty space in our hearts, that thirst, that longing.
Deep inside us we are all children. girls we dream about a prince that will come, take our heart and tell us he will love us forever, that will be there for us and watch over us forever (as the song goes) as well... however the only one that can watch over us and love us unconditionally forever is God.
Pain and suffering... although many things I am going through (and I've been)are difficult and I am making it only with God's strength, I have come to the realization that not until now I can share and understand pain and suffering in others. For a long time I shared sympathy for others going through difficulties and pain, but now I can share and understand them (there is a difference)... I asked myself many times God why are you allowing this happening to me?... now I say "thank you Lord for teaching me", sometimes the learning process can be painful... specially if you are a perfectionist and hard headed like me (lol)
Tomorrow will be the last chemo of cycle please pray for healing.
Love you all!

Chemo round 3, here I come...

"My mouth is full of praise and honor to you all day long" Psalm 71:8

Sometimes life can play tricks on us, one day we have everything and next one we lose all. However, there is peace in those things, knowing that God is in control and either He is protecting us from something or trying to teach us... Like the song says "You give and take away, my heart will chose to say Lord blessed be your name".

When things go wrong I just have to think God is in control, He loves me, He wants the best for me, and my anxiety and troubled heart becomes at peace.

Chemo round 3 starts on Tuesday, this time I am better prepared for the side effects. I am having trouble with the side effects of radiation even though was long time ago, but now they are popping out.
the doc says they may go away or they may stay forever... I pray they will go away, but if not is good with me, the Lord is my strength, my provider, I will be just fine.

Always praise his glorious name!

Cycle 2 done!

"God ...is the blessed controller of all things, the king over all kings and the master of all masters"

Isn't this verse wonderful. I am so thankful that I do not have the last word, but He does. When things don't go my way or go wrong (or at least I think they are wrong) I get mad, anxious sometimes and I fight to get things the way I think they should be, I became stress and anxious... I am learning that it is a waist on my health and mind. God is in control always, from the small to big stuff, so why to stress out or be anxious about things? God will open or close the door either way, whatever He knows is good for me.
I just finished cycle 2 of chemo, I am excited about it, 2 weeks of rest and cycle 3 waiting for me. I am experiencing a lot of the radiation side effects, but I am praying they will go away as it happened in the past.
My mom's visit to the States is still unknown. She has applied for her u.s. visa, but the consul did not grant her the visa, he wants more records and information from the times visited the states. But, God is the bless controller, if is his will for my mom to come and visit me, there will be no consul, no officer that will be in between, the visa will be granted either way, if is His will.
Please keep me and my mom in prayer, I feel in the middle of a battlefield (still have 4 more cycles to go), but the peace that I have knowing my father is in control and always want the best for me... what an almighty God we serve
Bless you all, love
Sofia

Chemo Round 2, here I go...

"But He said to them, "Why are you so fearful, you of little faith?" Then He got up and rebuked the winds and the sea. And there was a great calm." Matthew 8:26

This verse make me feel better, God so knows my little faith, but I will not be the first human with this problem... the apostles saw miracles done in front of them, they walked side to side with the Messiah and even though in times of trouble their faith was shaken... many prophets at moments lost faith too and even to the point of hiding in caves and wanting to die (thank you Rhonda) it is our human nature, we are weak and here comes the importance of keeping communion with God, his word, and staying close to Him. If is not because through his word I have a constant reminder that He is the bless controller, that time is in His hands and happenings are under His control... I am telling you I will be a complete mess, no faith, no hope, nothing... In my human nature I tend to become depress, and look at the negative side of things, look at the bad and not the good... God has bless me in huge ways, my treasure is not material, but it is spiritual. God is blessing me with wonderful brothers and sisters in Christ, with spiritual sisters that are providing a home for me, a cancer treatment that is incredible expensive, but God made it possible for me. I have a plate of food on my table by his grace, a daughter that is full of energy, but loves me and is healthy and loves God... what else can I ask for?
The days of my life are counted by Him. He already knows when will be my time to go home with him, and that gives me so much peace, I don't have to worry about my health or what I need to say to doctors and what doctors to have etc... My Jesus is in control for me and He has it all planned... If more life to bring glory to His name and guide my little one in his path... if not more life, then Bethany is His, He will make sure she is ok, He will watch over her, and my family. I will be out of pain, no more tears no more sorrows, I will be next to my savior.
What is next? Wednesday morning I am suppose to be admitted at Sacred Heart to receive this Chemo that is new for me ... is called Cytoxin, and I have to stay over night, then on Friday I have to receive this shot called Neulasta to help my bone marrow create more cells, since this drug is known to wipe the white blood cells, meaning I will have no body defenses for a little bit.
Then the following week, on Tuesday another chemo, and the following tuesday from then another chemo... that will be the end of chemo round 2
What? How many rounds are there? I have 6 cycles total... so my guess is that if everything goes well and as scheduled, then I will be done with chemo sometime in November or December.
seems a long way for me, but I bet for God is just a blink of an eye, He is with me and that brings peace in my heart, His peace that surpasses all understanding. He carries me in His arms when I cannot walk no more, what a wonderful God we have, his mercy and love for us is never ending.
Prayers I need is for this new Chemo that I will receive on Wednesday
For Bethany that needs and misses mom, but I am not with her, but on weekends
For my mom that may come to visit me for a few weeks, but that she can get her visa
For my friend Joy, her sister was fighting with cancer (Sheila) and she passed away recently. Joy is very depress, please keep her in prayer.
Love you bunches!

"The heavens declare you are God, and the mountains rejoice..."

Our wonderful father, He will never leave us, never forsake us.
I am in "resting time" from chemo, and although I don't feel to good at times, there is always something that cheers my spirit up...going for a walk... what a difference it makes to see the beautiful open ski (sunshine or no sunshine), The beautiful nature He has created for us, to hear the birds singing, the wind blowing making beautiful music when touching the leaves of a tree...There is some kind of healing that comes from His creation of nature, how beautiful, what a delight to us... but by far, the most beautiful of his creation is us.
Not too many weeks ago Bethany spent the weekend with me, we went for a walk and found this beautiful green landscape, she started to run around and finally she laid face up looking at the ski, I laid next to her and we saw these beautiful birds flying crossing the ski... she got up and kept running and stood in front of the Bay, all I could see was her back, she was enjoying watching the sun going down, and I was enjoying watching her.
I have finished cycle 1 of my chemo treatment. May 10th I will receive my new schedule for cycle 2.
This cycle has been hard on me, I did not expect it, but a lot of pain and side effects I had to face. I am in the middle of the battle, but I know my father has not forsake me, He has put angels all around me... when in crisis my good sisters in Christ run to help me (Thank you Rhonda and Lisa for running to my rescue =)
Theresa and Kathy, besides providing a home for me, they provide human love, words of encouragement, fun and remind me the word of God in every situation.
Pansy, Cathy, Donna, Liz....wow, I did not realize I had so many sisters that surround me like angels, praying for me and ready to the rescue when needed... This is what is call the body of Christ, when a part is hurting (I believe my self like a fingernail) all the other parts of the body run to the rescue bringing a band aid, antibiotic creme, etc. I can see and feel the love of God through the hands and love all my sisters and brothers in Christ are giving to me. Thank you Jesus for all of them, thank you that although I am passing through a dark valley you show me every moment that I am not alone, that although I am insignificant, you love me and you have not forsake me.

In the middle of the battle

"under your wings I feel comfort,
under you wings I feel safe,
Jesus never let me go.....

Here I am keeping the fight, Cycle one of Chemo is over and we should start cycle 2 after May 10th.
I was about quit this chemo, is so strong on my body, so many side effects, emotional effects and physical, but when I talked to the doctor he said...Sofia I am treating you like treating a family member, you can not quit, the type of cancer you had recurs, so there is no option, you gotta finish your chemo.
After a lot of prayer and asking for the advice of friends the answer came back very clear to me.... I can't quit..God opened all the doors for me to do the chemo, gave me a christian doctor, etc.
But I still need your prayers very much, I am living not on my strength, my strength comes from Jesus, I have no more energy, force to keep fighting, He is literally carrying me now and fighting for me. What a good God we serve... when we are weak, He is our tower of strength and no matter how good or bad we are, He still love us and keeps fighting for us.
Happy Eastern! Happy Resurrection Day!

In a Lot of Pain

I wish I could have good news, but the truth is that I am in a lot of pain, my stomach taking the load (stomachache) no ceasing for 4 days...
I just wanted to share this song with you, I have translated it the best I could, but this song really talked to me and I know will talk to you...

"It has been a long and exhausting trip, but I am finally here...
The light came to my eyes, but I doubted either way...
I passed through many valleys of insecurity, through many days of doubt,
But I am finally here, and I understand...

That for this time I was created, for this time I was born
For his eternal marvelous purposes he made me
For this time I was born, although it costs me to believe

I've never imagined being a part of His eternal purpose and plans, but here I am
And God has a purpose for your life too."

This is a song by Marcela Gandara

Love you, please keep me in prayer that I will go through this valley of pain...

1st Chemo Cycle

The Lord is my rock and my fortress, my deliverer; Psalm

It feels like a long time since I wrote a few lines last time.
An update on what is going on with me. This week has been difficult for me. I started chemo on Tuesday (last tuesday) and completed with 3 oral pills (part of the chemo) on Friday. I never thought chemo will be so strong in our bodies, I've been in pain all day Saturday, could not sleep cause of the pain on Sat night and on Sunday finally some relieve with a pain medication the doc gave me (the downside is that the med is really good for pain, but makes me feel like a zombie, makes me extremely sleepy and affects me in other way that is worst than the ones I just listed).
Today I did not take pain medicine cause of the side effects, my body is feeling better, but I have had fight a stomachache all day long and I am continuing to do so.
This kind of pain is completely different from the spinal taps, radiation, suture on my head scalp without anesthesia, etc... this pain is a dull, inside, constant pain all around the body (best way I could describe).
Today I almost take the decision of no more chemo for me... just when I said that my mom called me without knowing what was going on with me, and she said to me, ...hijita, this is gonna be difficult, but the Lord is your strength, don't give up, God has open all doors for your treatment, you have passed the worst and the Lord is walking you to finish the race...
She and another sister yesterday encouraged me to keep with this which is no fun and I feel I don't wanna do it no more, but I guess I have to.
Sorry I am not very positive and inspiring today, I ask for your prayers, I need them more than ever.

Clinging to Jesus

"Who stood up for me against the wicked? Who took my side against evil workers? If God hadn't been there for me, I never would have made it.
The minute I said, "I am slipping, I am falling", your love, God, took hold and held me fast. When I was upset and beside myself, you calmed me down and cheered me up".

I know, it's been a while since the last time I wrote, being back in town, recuperating from the radiation, trying to keep with the body active with daily walks, etc, seeing my friends, going back to learn more from my Lord at church, paperwork to be done and send to help with my insurance, etc and during the weekends my sweet Bethany that brings joy every time she comes (but also full time mommy job =)
My good sister in Christ Theresa just got a book we are both reading to encourage each other to finish it, it is call "calm my anxious heart". First thing to point out in that book is the recipe for contentment... Don't worry about tomorrow, tomorrow is God's, not yours. Do not dwell in the past, you can't go back in time and fix what has been done or said. Do not covet for someone else lot, be content with the one you have....
I am guilty of doing the opposite of the listed above... Bethany, my 7 year old girl thought me a lesson the other day.... I picked my medications at the pharmacy and I started to complain about how many, how nasty some of them where, bla, bla, bla... so my Bethany said to me..."mommy, you should be thanking God, you at least have your medicines to make you better, there is other people can't have their medication?.... oh....how guilty I felt, she was absolutely right... yes, I am going through cancer, it is not fun, not at all... but I am very bless to have the medicines and treatment for it.
I have not started chemotherapy yet, it has been postponed for about 2 weeks, once I got a cold, and the 2nd time the oncologist in Shands order another spinal tab before starting chemo .... so although I was very upset about it (spinal taps can be terribly painful) I turned my complain for praises to God, that I am gonna have the spinal tap for the doctors to see better what or in what state I am and that this time God knowing how scare I was (crying like a baby) He even open the door to have the spinal tap with the "live x-rays" meaning they where not going to have to find the right place to put the needle in my back by touching my spine and guessing... this time it was done with live x rays, so the doctor new exactly where the opening was to get the spinal fluid.
Almost did not experience pain at all!! Praises to the Lord...
As you may know my Bethany turned 7 years old this past March 7th, she is growing so fast, I keep praying my dear Lord will bless me with long life to see her grow and guide her in the ways she should go... I want to be her mom as long as I can (like the song says)
I am attaching some pictures of Bethany's pictures from her b-day. I made her cake (that she loved) and Ray gave us her edible figure of Scooby Doo (her favorite cartoon). Ray also took us with Satya to Wonder Works, Bethany was so happy, and I was happy too, although exhausted.
Of course I have not forget the friends I made over in Gainesville at the Cancer Society Hope Lodge... they are still in my prayers and I can't tell you how many life lessons I learned from each one of them.
Paul said something like to be content with little as to be content when abundance... that is something we learn little by little and with the experiences in life.
May God rain you with his wonderful blessings!

He is Always There...

"If you will hold on to me for dear life, "says God", "I will get you out of any trouble. I will give you the best of care if you will only get to know and trust me. Call me and I'll answer, be at your side in bad times; I will rescue you, then throw you a party. I will give you a long life, give you a long drink of salvation!" Psalm 14-16 (The Message)

And that is my prayer everyday... When I saw this Bible verse, it was like an answer...if I hold tight to him, if I ask to help me in times of trouble (financial, health, relationships), if I ask Him for more life (it is the desire of my heart to take care and be around Bethany for many more years, and enjoy of the best gift God has given me that is call "life") it is His promise that He will be with me in the times of trouble, that He will rescue me, that He will grant me a long life and a long drink of salvation... if I get to know and trust Him.
Trusting is my big problem and has always been. With my condition I am learning the hard way to trust God; honestly I thought I trusted Him, but not until this sickness (and all that comes along with it like losing the job, away from my daughter, losing the place I lived, etc) I learned and I am still learning to completely rely on Him and come to the realization that the only place that helps come from is Heaven, and that only by His grace and mercy is that I am alive, I have a roof over my head and food on my table and I can spend time with my daughter. God has been using (extending His loving arms to me) my family and extended family (family in Him) to provide for all my needs and every time I look around me and what He is doing in my life, I just get into tears of joy and praise Him... I do not deserve anything, however He is so loving and so merciful that He keeps watching over me, He does not forget or forsake me and keeps giving all the time... although I fail Him over and over I rest in His promise that He died for my past, present and future sins...He so know I am going to fail over and over again, He only wants me to hold His hand when I fall so that He can help me out to get up again and keep walking next to Him... What a loving God we have!
Good news... although no Docs take medicaid here in PC (yeah I thought I found the only one that takes medicaid here, but he doesn't take it anymore) a good brother in Christ from church helped me to find a good christian oncologist in Destin (about 30 minutes away from PC) that will take my case and takes medicaid... I believe is not coincidence, but is the Lord that wants this doc to be in charge of my chemo...
Honestly I don't want to go through chemo, but God has open the door for me to see the doctor (and I have not done anything, the docs from Shands are the ones to call me to say that they were faxing all my info to this doc office, etc..and the one that found this doctor for me and talk about my case was my brother in Christ Dale).
Staying at the American Cancer Society Lodge in Gainesville has inspired me so much to keep fighting for life. I met wonderful people that had a similar condition as me, the difference is that no matter how old, race or culture, we all had the same goal... stay here in earth and enjoy all that God has given us "life" no matter how many tears, trouble or bad times...life is a gift and very unique, special to all of us.
First picture is "Linda" 3 heart surgeries and other health problems; however there every day to help her husband going through cancerous tumors around his lungs, keep her and her husband Bill in prayer... they were known for always cooking and sharing with everyone, they adopted a little boy and Bill's prayer is to have a longer life to stay around his wife and boy.
Second Pic is my good friend Grace, she as well taking care of her husband that went through radiation and chemotherapy for his cancer, please keep her in prayer that she will stay strong to take care of her husband.
Third picture (a little bit dark, sorry) is Rose, 84 years old, all by herself since her daughter can not get off from work to be with her ... she has melanoma cancer all over her right leg... she was an inspiration to me, since being alone, 84 years old, taking the shuttle hospital bus to go and come back from treatment, but always giving thanks to God for every day of life and her faith not being shaken.
Forth pic my friend "Alma" bone marrow leukemia transfer, keep her in prayer for a full recovery, that she has a long life to enjoy with her husband, daughter and grand kids (that I had the pleasure to meet)
Fifth pic ... her name is Pat and I ask for a special prayer for her... She has pancreatic cancer and just before I left there was a weird reaction not seen with radiation before... she lost the motor skills of her right arm and leg, and her left hand was giving her trouble by getting numb... when I left docs where running MRIs and trying to find out what was wrong with her... Very nice lady, fighting hard for life.
Sixth and last picture... as I said before, we have shared good and sad times with the friends I made at the cancer lodge... in the pic we are celebrating Sheila's birthday (kidney and bladder cancer), she was really touch by her birthday cake and being able to blow one more candle and us singing the birthday song for her...keep her in prayer as well and be grateful and bless by this day of life God is granting you = )
All of you be bless and have a wonderful day!
PS: although the pictures have a 2007 date at the bottom... it is because the date on my camera was not set (lol) they were taken in January 2011

Back in Panama City

"Get insurance with God and do a good deed, settle down and stick to your last. Keep company with God, get in on the best.
Open up before God, keep nothing back; He'll do whatever needs to be done: He'll validate your life in the clear light of day and stamp you with approval a high noon." Psalm 37: 3-6 (The Message)

I am back in Panama City! and very happy to be back, to see my beautiful Bethany and my sisters and brothers in Christ.
But, I have not forgotten the friends I made in Gainsville from the American Cancer Society Lodge and I hope God will bring healing to them.
Life goes on, and here I am, God taking care of me and my needs day by day. It is not easy to trust God, but I am in the learning process of my condition. There is not much I can do or change, but God can.
Today I went for a walk, and praise God for all the beauty He has created for us, how wonderful to see the blue sky, the blooming plants, the water on the bay ... I believe this is a time that the Lord is telling me..."just be still and enjoy what I have created for you"... I have always been on the go, working and so busy with things to do that I had a hard time finding a break to be able to go for walks or enjoy God's creation.
In the picture Gary and Sandy from the American Cancer Society Lodge. Gary is fighting Esophageal and Stomach cancer. Sandy (his wife) is being very supportive and helping him through the process. Please pray for healing and peace for Gary and spiritual and physical strength for Sandy.
Thank you to you all that have send comments, emails, and keep me in prayer.
Love you!
PS: I know you may be asking about my decision about chemotherapy... I am waiting on the Lord for this, I've done what I can with my hands to get a referral to a chemo doctor in town that has been recommended, I am resting that the Lord will open the door or close it (it is a doc that has lots of patients and because of that is very hard to get an appt).

God has all Authority

"Be still in the presence of the Lord and wait patiently for Him to act." Psalm 37:7

I need to repeat this verse over and over again to myself, my faith gets so little sometimes, I drawn in a cup of water thinking that the solutions and answers are on my hands...nope, all authority and whatever is to happen in our lives depends on God (if we take hands off and allow Him to act).
Peace has come back to my heart again (thank you for your prayers!) and I have given Him all control, and what a peace He brings... I am so glad He is the one to take the decisions for me and the one that carries me = )

Today I was able to see my problems are so little compared to other people going through similar situations like me, but double...
The prior to last post I had a picture of Ted and His wife Jane (the pastor here at Gainesville Calvary Chapel), they have been an Oasis for me, my friends, and people here at the Lodge, please keep them in prayer too, they are a great ministry here in this town.

The pic... Let me introduce you to Jay, he is 84 and fighting esophageal cancer, radiation on chest and chemotherapy, please keep him in your prayers so that he heals soon and no more pain for him... people like him really inspired me, no matter how many years of life... still, life is a gift and the fight for longer, more life keeps going.

Keep praying about the decision I am to take, and write me an email or post a comment about what you think about me going or not going for chemotherapy.
Have a bless night!

Decision time, please pray

"Hear my prayer, Oh Lord, and give ear into my cry; hold not your peace at my tears: for I am a stranger with thee, and a sojourner, as all my fathers were.
o spare me, that I may recover strength, before I go hence, and be no more." Psalms 39: 12-13

Decision time for me... today I was told the oncology expertise doc (in medulla blastomas that are pediatric cancer tumors and although rare is what they removed from my head) that chemotherapy is highly recommended and is up to me, but studies show that with radiation only I have a 50/50% chance, if I do the chemo is a 75% chance that I will not relapse... but, If I don't do chemo now, and I do relapse, then even doing radiation and chemo at the same time the chances are basically 0.0% of getting back to health cancer free...
What should I do? I have not take a decision yet, I have heard so many bad reactions, and poisoning your body, etc, that I don't know if going for chemo will be the right choice... I think about Bethany and the good time we can have together with me healthy vs. a time with Bethany, but being sick all the time and her not able to enjoy mom as she should, because mom is going through chemo, and the Lord may take me home after that...
Now, one way or the other I know the Lord has a purpose and a lifetime for me... either 50 more years, or 1 or months, only He knows the days of my life and He has them already even planned (thank you Lord), but I need to pray, I need you to please pray and I need time to hear Him and understand what He wants me to do...
In the mean time, the docs from here Shands are trying to get me an oncologist in PC, Pensacola or Tallahassee, so I am close just in case of reactions to the chemo.
Today was my last radiation, thank you Jesus! that means I may be home this Saturday coming... can't wait...
Ok. had a full day of appointments, I am heading to bed, but please pray for me and pray for my decision, the bible says to always listen to the elders of the church and leaders of the church, so please pray and tell me what you think...

God Willing Coming Back to PC Soon

"Ointment and Perfume rejoice the heart: So does the sweetness of a man's friend friend by hearty counsel."

I have realized how wonderful and what a blessing is to have friends, the old ones, that no matter how much time has passed since talking last or the distance, but when you reunite or talk on the phone or online, it is like yesterday, and the friendship is the same. The friends that you have in your present that encourage you, and are there for you at all times, and the new ones that you make... what a wonderful gift God has given us... many times the bond between friends is stronger than blood bonds. Sometimes a friend is closer to you than your own family and they are real brothers and sisters; good friends are a gift from God.
I praise God I may be going to PC soon, if everything goes well and along schedule, then I will be heading to PC on Saturday, please keep me in prayer that this week will go well, I will tolerate the last treatments and me and Linda Gilmore will have a safe trip to PC. God allowing that I will have the energy to go to church on Sunday (I am looking forward to see my family in Christ!) and see my little Bethany.
I am looking forward to go back to PC, but at the same time there is some sadness about leaving all these people I have met here, going through the same situation, I am gonna miss them, these place has been like a home for the past 2 months, all these people like a family; the ones that know I may be going home are so happy for me, but at the same time share the same feeling I have in my heart.
Calvary Chapel here in Gainesville has been a real blessing for me and for the ones that came with me on Sundays, everyone so loving, introducing themselves, so welcoming to my and sisters that I brought with me... Ted and Jane (the pastor of the church and his wife) said that they are happy I am going home, but they share the same feeling of sadness to say goodbye... it was not coincidence that I ended up in that church, God had a purpose and taught me a lot during service and my friends that came with me... and His word never comes back empty...never.
Here some pictures of Ted and Jane and my sweet people here at the lodge, please pray for them...
Love you all!

He is always there

"Being confident in this very thing, that He who has began a good work in you, will complete it until the day of Jesus Christ." Philippians 1:6
"Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication, with thanksgiving, let your request be made known to God;" Philippians 4:6

I found these Bible verses so amazing and right direct to my heart, and I wanted to share them with you... In my case the first verse fits me perfect, although I know I am saved from my past, present and future cause Jesus Christ die in the cross for me and by His grace and mercy is that if I die today or tomorrow I have full confidence I am His and I will be with him. However, if there is something I am afraid in life, I am afraid of myself and the foolish decisions sometimes I take, and I am afraid that by those decisions imposing my will and not His that I may walk away from His path; but, this first verse tell us that the good work that He has started on us will be completed, and God always fills his promises and that gives me peace, assures me that He will help me and won't let me go astray, that He will finish the good work He has started with me... isn't that awesome? He is so loving and fill with His mercy that even though we make mistakes all the time and sin badly, He is there and He will not quit on us, He loves us so much that He will keep working in our lives, like a piece of fine wood art, He will keep sharpening, cutting, and forming a new creation on us, what a loving Father we have.
The second verse says... do not be anxious about for nothing... and sometimes that is hard to learn (specially if you have control issues like me). If there is something I am working on is to not be stress or worry about the things that I have no control over... stressing, being concern, being anxious will not fix anything at all! And our good Lord is telling me ... Can't you see what I am telling you, read this verse over and over Sofia! I am a learning process creature Lord, I am sorry I am trying to control everything with my hands when is so clear that you are so in control in every aspect of my life, you are my God, my husband, my provider, my friend, why in the world do I worry about things when You, my God, the one that knows everything and can see what is coming ahead, you Lord are in control!
I know you must be asking, how are you doing Sofia? I am doing well! Wed, Thur, and yesterday I received the "boost" of radiation, I was a little bit afraid of the side effects, but it only has affected my skin in the area of my head being radiated, so thanks the Lord no other side effects... Thanks the Lord nausea, headaches and other related side effects are not present, just ears and skin, please pray for that.
I had a gap between friends coming and talking me to my appts and being with me, etc, but God once again took care of the needs, and send my beloved sisters to be with me and help me... God knows our needs even before we ask for them!
May our loving Father bless you with a beautiful day.

Life and Friends that God provides!

"He asked life from You, and You gave it to him-Length of days forever and ever" Psalm 21:4
"Ointment and perfume delight the heart, And the sweetness of a man's friend gives delight by hearty counsel" Proverbs 29:9

Wow, so many good news to share... I think I already told you about the good news about chemotherapy (that after the rest I will take for a month, more test will be done and may not need chemo at all, and if I do will be done by mouth pills) ...
This weekend I had the best medicine ever, my sisters from church Theresa Willis and Kathy Wilson brought my little one to visit and we spent all day at the big oak mall here in Gainesville the first day... hugs, kisses and love was all around her, her smile was sunshine to me, she did not stop smiling and loving on mommy and I did spoiled her really bad (confession!)
On Sunday we went to church, she made a good friend at Sunday school here at the Calvary Chapel in Gainesville, then we went for lunch to Olive Garden (yum!) and Bethany loved her pasta and garlic bread with a lot of grated cheese and the boiled egg and Peruvian olives I got for her =) then we went to the butterfly museum, she really likes outdoors and enjoyed every moment, then we went to the history museum which is just next door (but the girls were exhausted) so just her and me went around the museum, she had to see everything and holding mommy hand all the time and talking to me and actually teaching me about all the things to see... she is a beautiful creation of God, and it comes out of her heart to say things like thank you Lord I have my mommy next to me... she gets me in tears sometimes and I am glad she is His, she believes in Him and is growing up trusting Him... what a gift!
I saw my neurosurgeon on Tuesday and my chemotherapy Dr. yesterday... they both were with wide open mouth to see how good I was doing, how balanced, and coordinated, all the time I kept telling them, it's not me is God doing this, praises to Him I am doing good... The results of my blood test are amazing, when they read the test and then show to me and explain exactly what they were looking for (the reactions that fall naturally after so many weeks of radiation, low white blood cells (the ones that defend your body from disease) and platelets (cells that help you heal and keep you from bleeding) my red cell count etc... they couldn't believe it, they were better than perfect... my lady chemo Dr. actually looked at me and said... what are you eating or doing? for someone receiving radio 5 days a week for so many weeks your labs should be really down and that is the reason we have to have blood tests done every week... I kept telling them ... It's God's work, I've been praying for a long life, no more hair, or other things, just life... God is so awesome, every morning I wake up I tell Him thank you for one more day of life, I enjoy every day, my showers, my breakfast, the blue sky (even if is a little bit cold), so many things, life is amazing! is a real gift from God... and when I get the chance to share a little seed of His amazing love with someone and pray for that person... that is priceless!
Here a few pics that I took with the girls and Bethany's visit.
Love you always!

God's Mercy and Love Never Ends

"Though the fig free many not blossom, (we may be very ill)
Nor fruit may be on the vines; (no prosper of future job in sight)
Though the labor of the olive may fail, (no stable income)
and the fields yield no food; (pantry or refrigerator empty)
Though the flock may be cut from the fold, and there no herd in the stalls (no big meals with meat or desserts!)-
Yet I will rejoice in the Lord, I will Joy in the God of my salvation." Habakkuk 3: 17-19 (everything in between parenthesis has been added by my comments =)

How can you ever give thanks to God for all the wonderful things He does in our lives... I mess up every 10 seconds in my life, I sin against him in mind or actions all the time! and all I really want to do is glorify His name with everything I do, obey and be at his service... I guess He keeps reminding me that is only by his eternal love, mercy and grace that He loves me unconditionally and is the reason for me to receive so many blessings each day.

I have awesome news! I know you will rejoice and jump with me! ready?... I met with the chemotherapy lady doctor yesterday afternoon, she said that after radiation i am gonna need about a month to recover, particularly after the 2 last weeks of radiation that aim the target of my brain. She is gonna be seeing me before I leave Shands to follow up on the progress, blood count, etc. She also said that during my recovery is very likely to develop nausea, headaches, etc... but after that month of recovery they will be calling me and running test, etc to see how I am doing....that there is a possibility (depending on those test) that I may not need chemotherapy!!!! and if by any chance the board of doctors after seeing my test there is a need for Chemo, then it will be a light one, that they have now a medicine that crosses the brain barrier for my type of cancer, and that chemo may be done by mouth taking pills and once in a while maybe by IV, but she said it will be so mild that a port will not be needed.... I couldn't stop praising God at that moment, I am in tears now... I just can't believe it, this goes beyond of whatever I though before, I am so thankful to my Lord, there is a bible verse about king Saul that says he prayed for more, long life, and God granted him the desire of his heart.... I've been praying, and as long my life is to bring glory to his name, obey him and walk in His path, I want that gift of life, what a joy to live for him and receive this perfect, beautiful gift of life.

Well, as you can see I am overwhelmed with the good news... this weekend my family in Christ is bringing my Bethany, what a present! I can't wait to see her, last time I saw her was Christmas, what a medicine our kids can be to our souls and hearts =)

Blessings to you all, I love you and God willing I will see you soon!!! very soon!

Still learning to have Faith

"Into Your hand I commit my spirit" Psalm 31:5
"I will both lie down in peace, and sleep; For you alone. O Lord, make me dwell in safety". Psalm 4:8
Sometimes it's hard to trust in God, it is easy to say, but when we go through tests in life is when we realized (I) my faith is as little or less than little than a mustard seed. I am so glad God loves me either way, no matter how small my faith goes sometimes.
As a parent I believe one of the most difficult things to do is to let go of your child, to understand that you have no power, that they are a creation of God and you are just a caretaker for the time being that God wants you to be... you never stop worrying and thinking of them (trying to have control over their lives), but wrong... God is the one in control, God is the one that says rest and be in peace cause I am God... I created your child, he/she is mine, and I love her more than you do, I will have my angels around her watching over her and I know the plans for her life.
I went a little bit crazy about my little one (confession) and somehow desperate trying to be the mom ... but God is telling me again... Don't you trust me? and I realize how weak my faith is. I still have so much to learn and to have faith in him.
As a mother I thank God I am the one going through this and not her, as a parent I believe we will carry any pain, sorrow, struggle for them, we don't wanna see them suffer ever... when I had Bethany I understood a little bit better the Love God has for us that he gave his only son to save us, and that Jesus die and carry all the shame and sin for us so that we do not die, what an amazing God we have.
Here are some pics so you get an idea about the place I am staying, The American Cancer Society Lodge, free for people receiving treatment, 50 rooms, 6 kitchen station areas, 50 refrigerator areas and 50 basket areas for freezer, etc, even the laundry soap and laundry mat is free! what a blessing for all of us...
Oh, and as a good friend said to me... my hair has gone for the holidays... so the American Cancer Society has donated a wig for me... let me know what you think about my new hair =)
God's peace and joy be all over you,

"You have turned for me my mourning into dancing; You have put my sackcloth and clothed me with gladness;" Psalm 30:11
I can't thank Him enough what He is doing with my life, he is sustaining me every moment, my faith is so small at the times, but He does not care, is not about me, is not about my faith or what I do, is all about Him and that by grace and mercy He keeps me alive, walking, eating, living...all praises to Him.
Keep my new sister in Christ Rose in prayer, today we had our second Bible study together, and she is being a blessing for me more than I am for her!
Pray for Linda (John and Mayleem Gilmore's (mother) from church) she is staying with me til Sunday, pray that she will have a safe trip home to PC. And Pray for Pam Turner, she is coming this Sunday 16th and staying with me for a week, God is providing beautiful sister to come and stay with me and help me, I can see His work on a daily basis, not only in my life, but in others.
Prayers request....yes, please keep me in prayer, radiation is not as bad as chemo they said, but it can really, really make you tired, very tired, burn you and somehow affect other parts of your body, in my case "hearing" everything is so loud to me, every time I talk or someone talks to me is like listening to a robot, the doc says the rads sometimes affect your inner ear, so is part of the process, should go back to normal, but don't know when...
That's all the happenings for now, love you all, thank you for your prayers....keep my Bethany and Ray in prayer as well please, he is playing my and his role now, so I know is not easy on him, keep praying that the Lord will give him strength and ability to do both.
Blessings and more blessings from above!

"Oh, love the Lord, all you His saints! For the Lord preserves the faithful, And fully repays the proud person.
Be of good courage. And He shall strengthen your heart. All you who hope in the Lord." Psalm 31:23-24
What a wonderful day for me, I am happy and rejoicing in the Lord... Kathy Wilson stayed this weekend with me, we prayed for "Rose" she is staying here at the Lodge and receiving radio just like me, but at the same time she is going trough a rough time with family, so she is all alone, no one with her...but we know we are never alone, God's eyes are always on us. So, when Theresa was here we were able to pray for her, give her a kierchief and start a friendship, invited her to church on Sunday (since we found a calvary chapel in the area and the ride to takes us there each sunday), the seed was planted...the rest in the hands of God... I introduce Rose to Kathy yesterday, and we had a nice breakfast together, Kathy planted another seed in that thirsty heart as well...and today, miracles of all miracles, she was all ready to go to church with us! We had one of the worship leaders talking before service while we enjoyed some muffins and tea before service (just like eastgate) and I was able to tell she was planting seeds in her hungry heart... After service Kathy and I saw her walking up front with other people and kneeling down giving her life to Christ, she knew in her broken heart that God is what she needed... Kathy and I just hug and rejoice, then the worship leader took her to the prayer room to pray for her and gave her a Bible and a study book and she was very excited about it and asked me if we can do it together (what a blessing for me)... once she is done with radio she has to go back to lake city, but there is no calvary chapel church in lake city... however, God is at work all the time! we shouldn't worry about a thing! we met a couple later on from Lake City, and they met Rose and told her they will be more than happy to give her a ride here Gainesville every Sunday for church service, they even said to her if she has no place to go in Lake City when she goes back, that they have a spare bedroom waiting for her... isn't God amazing?
I saw her later on today, and for the first time I saw her smiling... before there was just this gray look of sadness on her face, it was nice to see her smile.
Only God knows the hearts and when real changes happen, but it was wonderful to see Him at work today and how He has everything plan ahead of what we can perceive... He show us very clear to Kathy and me today that God is almighty and He is in control of everything, He showed us that we need to trust Him on a daily basis and not worry about tomorrow.
In a way I am so happy I can not see what is coming tomorrow and that I can just relax and sleep in his loving hands tonight...I feel like crossing a busy road, but being a small kid that cannot see and does not know how to cross a busy street, but I do have my loving father that is tall and can see what I can not see, and holding me with his loving right hand guides me and helps me cross... I cried out to God every day, He knows my fears, and the Bible says He hold in a bottle every one of my fears... I am humble and give glory to him every moment, if what I am going trough is worth one soul to Him, then is all worth it, I am humbled and have so much joy that trough this sickness I am bringing glory to His name, and I pray that it will stay that way.
I am at so much peace knowing that God is guiding Ray and helping him play my role and his role with Bethany, and I am at so much peace knowing that God will take care of every single need Bethany has, Bethany is His already and I know He will never forsake her, she is in His plans and I am at peace.
I pray every day that God will grant me more life as He did to king Hezekiah (15 more years of life) or even more! Psalms 90:10 says "the days of our lives are 70 years; and if by reason of strength they are eighty years," Only God knows the days of my life, I am glad He is the one in control and I don't know about them, I just keep praying that He will guide every day of life I have, that He will use for his glory every last breath of air I get, that he will keep me in His path and never let me go away from his teachings.
Well, tomorrow is a boos on my radio...so keep me in prayer, love you all, may our good Lord keep pouring his blessings on you.
Sofia

Sing, Sing, Sing and make music witht the heaven

"Gideon said to God, "if you will save Israel by my hand as you have promised-look, I will place a wool fleece on the threshing floor. If there is a dew only on the fleece and all the ground is dry, then I will know that you will save Israel by my hand, as you said". And that is what happened. Gideon rose early next day; he squeezed the fleece and wrung out of dew-a bowlful of water.
Then Gideon said to God, "Do not be angry with me. Let me make just one more request, allow me one more test with the fleece. this time make the fleece dry and the ground covered with dew. that night God did so, Only the fleece was dry; all the ground was covered with dew." Judges 7:36-40

Sometimes I wish to know what the Lord has for me tomorrow, sometimes I don't really want to know cause I don't know if I am ready for the tomorrow's happenings... I know we are not to test God in any way, but this scripture throws me off a little bit... any comments?
Today was good, I met Lucille (she is going through chemo and radio at the same time and she's lost a lot of weight), it was a blessing praying with her and her husband and give her a kierchief), I think I am blessing people by giving them a kierchief and praying for them, but in all reality I am the one being bless by doing so, there is so much in the sharing of situations that make me stop about my own problems and thinking about others, there is an spiritual exchange that I can not explain, but it is a blessing. Pray for Lucille and her cancer please.
Also pray for Ernest, he has colon cancer and is in the ICU, his wife goes every day to see him, we are hoping for the best.
I am doing good thanks God, I just ask you to keep praying that the shunt I have on my head is working properly, I still have to sleep in a sitting position, and I wake up dizzy and hearing funny...the doctors know all these, they keep saying is about time, we will see... tomorrow I will have a special session of CT Scans, etc so that they will boost and focus where the tumor area was, so instead of receiving radiation in my entire head and spinal column, the radiation will be focused on the area where the tumor was.
Humbly I ask you to keep me in prayer, God is working in amazing ways in my, and is only because of him that I keep going every day, sometimes I feel like walking in the dessert, but then I feel God's wings of love covering me when I get down, and he lifts me up and carries me... there is no way to do or go through this without him.
Have a bless day!