Chemo Round 2, here I go...

"But He said to them, "Why are you so fearful, you of little faith?" Then He got up and rebuked the winds and the sea. And there was a great calm." Matthew 8:26

This verse make me feel better, God so knows my little faith, but I will not be the first human with this problem... the apostles saw miracles done in front of them, they walked side to side with the Messiah and even though in times of trouble their faith was shaken... many prophets at moments lost faith too and even to the point of hiding in caves and wanting to die (thank you Rhonda) it is our human nature, we are weak and here comes the importance of keeping communion with God, his word, and staying close to Him. If is not because through his word I have a constant reminder that He is the bless controller, that time is in His hands and happenings are under His control... I am telling you I will be a complete mess, no faith, no hope, nothing... In my human nature I tend to become depress, and look at the negative side of things, look at the bad and not the good... God has bless me in huge ways, my treasure is not material, but it is spiritual. God is blessing me with wonderful brothers and sisters in Christ, with spiritual sisters that are providing a home for me, a cancer treatment that is incredible expensive, but God made it possible for me. I have a plate of food on my table by his grace, a daughter that is full of energy, but loves me and is healthy and loves God... what else can I ask for?
The days of my life are counted by Him. He already knows when will be my time to go home with him, and that gives me so much peace, I don't have to worry about my health or what I need to say to doctors and what doctors to have etc... My Jesus is in control for me and He has it all planned... If more life to bring glory to His name and guide my little one in his path... if not more life, then Bethany is His, He will make sure she is ok, He will watch over her, and my family. I will be out of pain, no more tears no more sorrows, I will be next to my savior.
What is next? Wednesday morning I am suppose to be admitted at Sacred Heart to receive this Chemo that is new for me ... is called Cytoxin, and I have to stay over night, then on Friday I have to receive this shot called Neulasta to help my bone marrow create more cells, since this drug is known to wipe the white blood cells, meaning I will have no body defenses for a little bit.
Then the following week, on Tuesday another chemo, and the following tuesday from then another chemo... that will be the end of chemo round 2
What? How many rounds are there? I have 6 cycles total... so my guess is that if everything goes well and as scheduled, then I will be done with chemo sometime in November or December.
seems a long way for me, but I bet for God is just a blink of an eye, He is with me and that brings peace in my heart, His peace that surpasses all understanding. He carries me in His arms when I cannot walk no more, what a wonderful God we have, his mercy and love for us is never ending.
Prayers I need is for this new Chemo that I will receive on Wednesday
For Bethany that needs and misses mom, but I am not with her, but on weekends
For my mom that may come to visit me for a few weeks, but that she can get her visa
For my friend Joy, her sister was fighting with cancer (Sheila) and she passed away recently. Joy is very depress, please keep her in prayer.
Love you bunches!

"The heavens declare you are God, and the mountains rejoice..."

Our wonderful father, He will never leave us, never forsake us.
I am in "resting time" from chemo, and although I don't feel to good at times, there is always something that cheers my spirit up...going for a walk... what a difference it makes to see the beautiful open ski (sunshine or no sunshine), The beautiful nature He has created for us, to hear the birds singing, the wind blowing making beautiful music when touching the leaves of a tree...There is some kind of healing that comes from His creation of nature, how beautiful, what a delight to us... but by far, the most beautiful of his creation is us.
Not too many weeks ago Bethany spent the weekend with me, we went for a walk and found this beautiful green landscape, she started to run around and finally she laid face up looking at the ski, I laid next to her and we saw these beautiful birds flying crossing the ski... she got up and kept running and stood in front of the Bay, all I could see was her back, she was enjoying watching the sun going down, and I was enjoying watching her.
I have finished cycle 1 of my chemo treatment. May 10th I will receive my new schedule for cycle 2.
This cycle has been hard on me, I did not expect it, but a lot of pain and side effects I had to face. I am in the middle of the battle, but I know my father has not forsake me, He has put angels all around me... when in crisis my good sisters in Christ run to help me (Thank you Rhonda and Lisa for running to my rescue =)
Theresa and Kathy, besides providing a home for me, they provide human love, words of encouragement, fun and remind me the word of God in every situation.
Pansy, Cathy, Donna, Liz....wow, I did not realize I had so many sisters that surround me like angels, praying for me and ready to the rescue when needed... This is what is call the body of Christ, when a part is hurting (I believe my self like a fingernail) all the other parts of the body run to the rescue bringing a band aid, antibiotic creme, etc. I can see and feel the love of God through the hands and love all my sisters and brothers in Christ are giving to me. Thank you Jesus for all of them, thank you that although I am passing through a dark valley you show me every moment that I am not alone, that although I am insignificant, you love me and you have not forsake me.

In the middle of the battle

"under your wings I feel comfort,
under you wings I feel safe,
Jesus never let me go.....

Here I am keeping the fight, Cycle one of Chemo is over and we should start cycle 2 after May 10th.
I was about quit this chemo, is so strong on my body, so many side effects, emotional effects and physical, but when I talked to the doctor he said...Sofia I am treating you like treating a family member, you can not quit, the type of cancer you had recurs, so there is no option, you gotta finish your chemo.
After a lot of prayer and asking for the advice of friends the answer came back very clear to me.... I can't quit..God opened all the doors for me to do the chemo, gave me a christian doctor, etc.
But I still need your prayers very much, I am living not on my strength, my strength comes from Jesus, I have no more energy, force to keep fighting, He is literally carrying me now and fighting for me. What a good God we serve... when we are weak, He is our tower of strength and no matter how good or bad we are, He still love us and keeps fighting for us.
Happy Eastern! Happy Resurrection Day!

In a Lot of Pain

I wish I could have good news, but the truth is that I am in a lot of pain, my stomach taking the load (stomachache) no ceasing for 4 days...
I just wanted to share this song with you, I have translated it the best I could, but this song really talked to me and I know will talk to you...

"It has been a long and exhausting trip, but I am finally here...
The light came to my eyes, but I doubted either way...
I passed through many valleys of insecurity, through many days of doubt,
But I am finally here, and I understand...

That for this time I was created, for this time I was born
For his eternal marvelous purposes he made me
For this time I was born, although it costs me to believe

I've never imagined being a part of His eternal purpose and plans, but here I am
And God has a purpose for your life too."

This is a song by Marcela Gandara

Love you, please keep me in prayer that I will go through this valley of pain...

1st Chemo Cycle

The Lord is my rock and my fortress, my deliverer; Psalm

It feels like a long time since I wrote a few lines last time.
An update on what is going on with me. This week has been difficult for me. I started chemo on Tuesday (last tuesday) and completed with 3 oral pills (part of the chemo) on Friday. I never thought chemo will be so strong in our bodies, I've been in pain all day Saturday, could not sleep cause of the pain on Sat night and on Sunday finally some relieve with a pain medication the doc gave me (the downside is that the med is really good for pain, but makes me feel like a zombie, makes me extremely sleepy and affects me in other way that is worst than the ones I just listed).
Today I did not take pain medicine cause of the side effects, my body is feeling better, but I have had fight a stomachache all day long and I am continuing to do so.
This kind of pain is completely different from the spinal taps, radiation, suture on my head scalp without anesthesia, etc... this pain is a dull, inside, constant pain all around the body (best way I could describe).
Today I almost take the decision of no more chemo for me... just when I said that my mom called me without knowing what was going on with me, and she said to me, ...hijita, this is gonna be difficult, but the Lord is your strength, don't give up, God has open all doors for your treatment, you have passed the worst and the Lord is walking you to finish the race...
She and another sister yesterday encouraged me to keep with this which is no fun and I feel I don't wanna do it no more, but I guess I have to.
Sorry I am not very positive and inspiring today, I ask for your prayers, I need them more than ever.

Clinging to Jesus

"Who stood up for me against the wicked? Who took my side against evil workers? If God hadn't been there for me, I never would have made it.
The minute I said, "I am slipping, I am falling", your love, God, took hold and held me fast. When I was upset and beside myself, you calmed me down and cheered me up".

I know, it's been a while since the last time I wrote, being back in town, recuperating from the radiation, trying to keep with the body active with daily walks, etc, seeing my friends, going back to learn more from my Lord at church, paperwork to be done and send to help with my insurance, etc and during the weekends my sweet Bethany that brings joy every time she comes (but also full time mommy job =)
My good sister in Christ Theresa just got a book we are both reading to encourage each other to finish it, it is call "calm my anxious heart". First thing to point out in that book is the recipe for contentment... Don't worry about tomorrow, tomorrow is God's, not yours. Do not dwell in the past, you can't go back in time and fix what has been done or said. Do not covet for someone else lot, be content with the one you have....
I am guilty of doing the opposite of the listed above... Bethany, my 7 year old girl thought me a lesson the other day.... I picked my medications at the pharmacy and I started to complain about how many, how nasty some of them where, bla, bla, bla... so my Bethany said to me..."mommy, you should be thanking God, you at least have your medicines to make you better, there is other people can't have their medication?.... oh....how guilty I felt, she was absolutely right... yes, I am going through cancer, it is not fun, not at all... but I am very bless to have the medicines and treatment for it.
I have not started chemotherapy yet, it has been postponed for about 2 weeks, once I got a cold, and the 2nd time the oncologist in Shands order another spinal tab before starting chemo .... so although I was very upset about it (spinal taps can be terribly painful) I turned my complain for praises to God, that I am gonna have the spinal tap for the doctors to see better what or in what state I am and that this time God knowing how scare I was (crying like a baby) He even open the door to have the spinal tap with the "live x-rays" meaning they where not going to have to find the right place to put the needle in my back by touching my spine and guessing... this time it was done with live x rays, so the doctor new exactly where the opening was to get the spinal fluid.
Almost did not experience pain at all!! Praises to the Lord...
As you may know my Bethany turned 7 years old this past March 7th, she is growing so fast, I keep praying my dear Lord will bless me with long life to see her grow and guide her in the ways she should go... I want to be her mom as long as I can (like the song says)
I am attaching some pictures of Bethany's pictures from her b-day. I made her cake (that she loved) and Ray gave us her edible figure of Scooby Doo (her favorite cartoon). Ray also took us with Satya to Wonder Works, Bethany was so happy, and I was happy too, although exhausted.
Of course I have not forget the friends I made over in Gainesville at the Cancer Society Hope Lodge... they are still in my prayers and I can't tell you how many life lessons I learned from each one of them.
Paul said something like to be content with little as to be content when abundance... that is something we learn little by little and with the experiences in life.
May God rain you with his wonderful blessings!

He is Always There...

"If you will hold on to me for dear life, "says God", "I will get you out of any trouble. I will give you the best of care if you will only get to know and trust me. Call me and I'll answer, be at your side in bad times; I will rescue you, then throw you a party. I will give you a long life, give you a long drink of salvation!" Psalm 14-16 (The Message)

And that is my prayer everyday... When I saw this Bible verse, it was like an answer...if I hold tight to him, if I ask to help me in times of trouble (financial, health, relationships), if I ask Him for more life (it is the desire of my heart to take care and be around Bethany for many more years, and enjoy of the best gift God has given me that is call "life") it is His promise that He will be with me in the times of trouble, that He will rescue me, that He will grant me a long life and a long drink of salvation... if I get to know and trust Him.
Trusting is my big problem and has always been. With my condition I am learning the hard way to trust God; honestly I thought I trusted Him, but not until this sickness (and all that comes along with it like losing the job, away from my daughter, losing the place I lived, etc) I learned and I am still learning to completely rely on Him and come to the realization that the only place that helps come from is Heaven, and that only by His grace and mercy is that I am alive, I have a roof over my head and food on my table and I can spend time with my daughter. God has been using (extending His loving arms to me) my family and extended family (family in Him) to provide for all my needs and every time I look around me and what He is doing in my life, I just get into tears of joy and praise Him... I do not deserve anything, however He is so loving and so merciful that He keeps watching over me, He does not forget or forsake me and keeps giving all the time... although I fail Him over and over I rest in His promise that He died for my past, present and future sins...He so know I am going to fail over and over again, He only wants me to hold His hand when I fall so that He can help me out to get up again and keep walking next to Him... What a loving God we have!
Good news... although no Docs take medicaid here in PC (yeah I thought I found the only one that takes medicaid here, but he doesn't take it anymore) a good brother in Christ from church helped me to find a good christian oncologist in Destin (about 30 minutes away from PC) that will take my case and takes medicaid... I believe is not coincidence, but is the Lord that wants this doc to be in charge of my chemo...
Honestly I don't want to go through chemo, but God has open the door for me to see the doctor (and I have not done anything, the docs from Shands are the ones to call me to say that they were faxing all my info to this doc office, etc..and the one that found this doctor for me and talk about my case was my brother in Christ Dale).
Staying at the American Cancer Society Lodge in Gainesville has inspired me so much to keep fighting for life. I met wonderful people that had a similar condition as me, the difference is that no matter how old, race or culture, we all had the same goal... stay here in earth and enjoy all that God has given us "life" no matter how many tears, trouble or bad times...life is a gift and very unique, special to all of us.
First picture is "Linda" 3 heart surgeries and other health problems; however there every day to help her husband going through cancerous tumors around his lungs, keep her and her husband Bill in prayer... they were known for always cooking and sharing with everyone, they adopted a little boy and Bill's prayer is to have a longer life to stay around his wife and boy.
Second Pic is my good friend Grace, she as well taking care of her husband that went through radiation and chemotherapy for his cancer, please keep her in prayer that she will stay strong to take care of her husband.
Third picture (a little bit dark, sorry) is Rose, 84 years old, all by herself since her daughter can not get off from work to be with her ... she has melanoma cancer all over her right leg... she was an inspiration to me, since being alone, 84 years old, taking the shuttle hospital bus to go and come back from treatment, but always giving thanks to God for every day of life and her faith not being shaken.
Forth pic my friend "Alma" bone marrow leukemia transfer, keep her in prayer for a full recovery, that she has a long life to enjoy with her husband, daughter and grand kids (that I had the pleasure to meet)
Fifth pic ... her name is Pat and I ask for a special prayer for her... She has pancreatic cancer and just before I left there was a weird reaction not seen with radiation before... she lost the motor skills of her right arm and leg, and her left hand was giving her trouble by getting numb... when I left docs where running MRIs and trying to find out what was wrong with her... Very nice lady, fighting hard for life.
Sixth and last picture... as I said before, we have shared good and sad times with the friends I made at the cancer lodge... in the pic we are celebrating Sheila's birthday (kidney and bladder cancer), she was really touch by her birthday cake and being able to blow one more candle and us singing the birthday song for her...keep her in prayer as well and be grateful and bless by this day of life God is granting you = )
All of you be bless and have a wonderful day!
PS: although the pictures have a 2007 date at the bottom... it is because the date on my camera was not set (lol) they were taken in January 2011

Back in Panama City

"Get insurance with God and do a good deed, settle down and stick to your last. Keep company with God, get in on the best.
Open up before God, keep nothing back; He'll do whatever needs to be done: He'll validate your life in the clear light of day and stamp you with approval a high noon." Psalm 37: 3-6 (The Message)

I am back in Panama City! and very happy to be back, to see my beautiful Bethany and my sisters and brothers in Christ.
But, I have not forgotten the friends I made in Gainsville from the American Cancer Society Lodge and I hope God will bring healing to them.
Life goes on, and here I am, God taking care of me and my needs day by day. It is not easy to trust God, but I am in the learning process of my condition. There is not much I can do or change, but God can.
Today I went for a walk, and praise God for all the beauty He has created for us, how wonderful to see the blue sky, the blooming plants, the water on the bay ... I believe this is a time that the Lord is telling me..."just be still and enjoy what I have created for you"... I have always been on the go, working and so busy with things to do that I had a hard time finding a break to be able to go for walks or enjoy God's creation.
In the picture Gary and Sandy from the American Cancer Society Lodge. Gary is fighting Esophageal and Stomach cancer. Sandy (his wife) is being very supportive and helping him through the process. Please pray for healing and peace for Gary and spiritual and physical strength for Sandy.
Thank you to you all that have send comments, emails, and keep me in prayer.
Love you!
PS: I know you may be asking about my decision about chemotherapy... I am waiting on the Lord for this, I've done what I can with my hands to get a referral to a chemo doctor in town that has been recommended, I am resting that the Lord will open the door or close it (it is a doc that has lots of patients and because of that is very hard to get an appt).

God has all Authority

"Be still in the presence of the Lord and wait patiently for Him to act." Psalm 37:7

I need to repeat this verse over and over again to myself, my faith gets so little sometimes, I drawn in a cup of water thinking that the solutions and answers are on my hands...nope, all authority and whatever is to happen in our lives depends on God (if we take hands off and allow Him to act).
Peace has come back to my heart again (thank you for your prayers!) and I have given Him all control, and what a peace He brings... I am so glad He is the one to take the decisions for me and the one that carries me = )

Today I was able to see my problems are so little compared to other people going through similar situations like me, but double...
The prior to last post I had a picture of Ted and His wife Jane (the pastor here at Gainesville Calvary Chapel), they have been an Oasis for me, my friends, and people here at the Lodge, please keep them in prayer too, they are a great ministry here in this town.

The pic... Let me introduce you to Jay, he is 84 and fighting esophageal cancer, radiation on chest and chemotherapy, please keep him in your prayers so that he heals soon and no more pain for him... people like him really inspired me, no matter how many years of life... still, life is a gift and the fight for longer, more life keeps going.

Keep praying about the decision I am to take, and write me an email or post a comment about what you think about me going or not going for chemotherapy.
Have a bless night!

Decision time, please pray

"Hear my prayer, Oh Lord, and give ear into my cry; hold not your peace at my tears: for I am a stranger with thee, and a sojourner, as all my fathers were.
o spare me, that I may recover strength, before I go hence, and be no more." Psalms 39: 12-13

Decision time for me... today I was told the oncology expertise doc (in medulla blastomas that are pediatric cancer tumors and although rare is what they removed from my head) that chemotherapy is highly recommended and is up to me, but studies show that with radiation only I have a 50/50% chance, if I do the chemo is a 75% chance that I will not relapse... but, If I don't do chemo now, and I do relapse, then even doing radiation and chemo at the same time the chances are basically 0.0% of getting back to health cancer free...
What should I do? I have not take a decision yet, I have heard so many bad reactions, and poisoning your body, etc, that I don't know if going for chemo will be the right choice... I think about Bethany and the good time we can have together with me healthy vs. a time with Bethany, but being sick all the time and her not able to enjoy mom as she should, because mom is going through chemo, and the Lord may take me home after that...
Now, one way or the other I know the Lord has a purpose and a lifetime for me... either 50 more years, or 1 or months, only He knows the days of my life and He has them already even planned (thank you Lord), but I need to pray, I need you to please pray and I need time to hear Him and understand what He wants me to do...
In the mean time, the docs from here Shands are trying to get me an oncologist in PC, Pensacola or Tallahassee, so I am close just in case of reactions to the chemo.
Today was my last radiation, thank you Jesus! that means I may be home this Saturday coming... can't wait...
Ok. had a full day of appointments, I am heading to bed, but please pray for me and pray for my decision, the bible says to always listen to the elders of the church and leaders of the church, so please pray and tell me what you think...

God Willing Coming Back to PC Soon

"Ointment and Perfume rejoice the heart: So does the sweetness of a man's friend friend by hearty counsel."

I have realized how wonderful and what a blessing is to have friends, the old ones, that no matter how much time has passed since talking last or the distance, but when you reunite or talk on the phone or online, it is like yesterday, and the friendship is the same. The friends that you have in your present that encourage you, and are there for you at all times, and the new ones that you make... what a wonderful gift God has given us... many times the bond between friends is stronger than blood bonds. Sometimes a friend is closer to you than your own family and they are real brothers and sisters; good friends are a gift from God.
I praise God I may be going to PC soon, if everything goes well and along schedule, then I will be heading to PC on Saturday, please keep me in prayer that this week will go well, I will tolerate the last treatments and me and Linda Gilmore will have a safe trip to PC. God allowing that I will have the energy to go to church on Sunday (I am looking forward to see my family in Christ!) and see my little Bethany.
I am looking forward to go back to PC, but at the same time there is some sadness about leaving all these people I have met here, going through the same situation, I am gonna miss them, these place has been like a home for the past 2 months, all these people like a family; the ones that know I may be going home are so happy for me, but at the same time share the same feeling I have in my heart.
Calvary Chapel here in Gainesville has been a real blessing for me and for the ones that came with me on Sundays, everyone so loving, introducing themselves, so welcoming to my and sisters that I brought with me... Ted and Jane (the pastor of the church and his wife) said that they are happy I am going home, but they share the same feeling of sadness to say goodbye... it was not coincidence that I ended up in that church, God had a purpose and taught me a lot during service and my friends that came with me... and His word never comes back empty...never.
Here some pictures of Ted and Jane and my sweet people here at the lodge, please pray for them...
Love you all!

He is always there

"Being confident in this very thing, that He who has began a good work in you, will complete it until the day of Jesus Christ." Philippians 1:6
"Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication, with thanksgiving, let your request be made known to God;" Philippians 4:6

I found these Bible verses so amazing and right direct to my heart, and I wanted to share them with you... In my case the first verse fits me perfect, although I know I am saved from my past, present and future cause Jesus Christ die in the cross for me and by His grace and mercy is that if I die today or tomorrow I have full confidence I am His and I will be with him. However, if there is something I am afraid in life, I am afraid of myself and the foolish decisions sometimes I take, and I am afraid that by those decisions imposing my will and not His that I may walk away from His path; but, this first verse tell us that the good work that He has started on us will be completed, and God always fills his promises and that gives me peace, assures me that He will help me and won't let me go astray, that He will finish the good work He has started with me... isn't that awesome? He is so loving and fill with His mercy that even though we make mistakes all the time and sin badly, He is there and He will not quit on us, He loves us so much that He will keep working in our lives, like a piece of fine wood art, He will keep sharpening, cutting, and forming a new creation on us, what a loving Father we have.
The second verse says... do not be anxious about for nothing... and sometimes that is hard to learn (specially if you have control issues like me). If there is something I am working on is to not be stress or worry about the things that I have no control over... stressing, being concern, being anxious will not fix anything at all! And our good Lord is telling me ... Can't you see what I am telling you, read this verse over and over Sofia! I am a learning process creature Lord, I am sorry I am trying to control everything with my hands when is so clear that you are so in control in every aspect of my life, you are my God, my husband, my provider, my friend, why in the world do I worry about things when You, my God, the one that knows everything and can see what is coming ahead, you Lord are in control!
I know you must be asking, how are you doing Sofia? I am doing well! Wed, Thur, and yesterday I received the "boost" of radiation, I was a little bit afraid of the side effects, but it only has affected my skin in the area of my head being radiated, so thanks the Lord no other side effects... Thanks the Lord nausea, headaches and other related side effects are not present, just ears and skin, please pray for that.
I had a gap between friends coming and talking me to my appts and being with me, etc, but God once again took care of the needs, and send my beloved sisters to be with me and help me... God knows our needs even before we ask for them!
May our loving Father bless you with a beautiful day.

Life and Friends that God provides!

"He asked life from You, and You gave it to him-Length of days forever and ever" Psalm 21:4
"Ointment and perfume delight the heart, And the sweetness of a man's friend gives delight by hearty counsel" Proverbs 29:9

Wow, so many good news to share... I think I already told you about the good news about chemotherapy (that after the rest I will take for a month, more test will be done and may not need chemo at all, and if I do will be done by mouth pills) ...
This weekend I had the best medicine ever, my sisters from church Theresa Willis and Kathy Wilson brought my little one to visit and we spent all day at the big oak mall here in Gainesville the first day... hugs, kisses and love was all around her, her smile was sunshine to me, she did not stop smiling and loving on mommy and I did spoiled her really bad (confession!)
On Sunday we went to church, she made a good friend at Sunday school here at the Calvary Chapel in Gainesville, then we went for lunch to Olive Garden (yum!) and Bethany loved her pasta and garlic bread with a lot of grated cheese and the boiled egg and Peruvian olives I got for her =) then we went to the butterfly museum, she really likes outdoors and enjoyed every moment, then we went to the history museum which is just next door (but the girls were exhausted) so just her and me went around the museum, she had to see everything and holding mommy hand all the time and talking to me and actually teaching me about all the things to see... she is a beautiful creation of God, and it comes out of her heart to say things like thank you Lord I have my mommy next to me... she gets me in tears sometimes and I am glad she is His, she believes in Him and is growing up trusting Him... what a gift!
I saw my neurosurgeon on Tuesday and my chemotherapy Dr. yesterday... they both were with wide open mouth to see how good I was doing, how balanced, and coordinated, all the time I kept telling them, it's not me is God doing this, praises to Him I am doing good... The results of my blood test are amazing, when they read the test and then show to me and explain exactly what they were looking for (the reactions that fall naturally after so many weeks of radiation, low white blood cells (the ones that defend your body from disease) and platelets (cells that help you heal and keep you from bleeding) my red cell count etc... they couldn't believe it, they were better than perfect... my lady chemo Dr. actually looked at me and said... what are you eating or doing? for someone receiving radio 5 days a week for so many weeks your labs should be really down and that is the reason we have to have blood tests done every week... I kept telling them ... It's God's work, I've been praying for a long life, no more hair, or other things, just life... God is so awesome, every morning I wake up I tell Him thank you for one more day of life, I enjoy every day, my showers, my breakfast, the blue sky (even if is a little bit cold), so many things, life is amazing! is a real gift from God... and when I get the chance to share a little seed of His amazing love with someone and pray for that person... that is priceless!
Here a few pics that I took with the girls and Bethany's visit.
Love you always!

God's Mercy and Love Never Ends

"Though the fig free many not blossom, (we may be very ill)
Nor fruit may be on the vines; (no prosper of future job in sight)
Though the labor of the olive may fail, (no stable income)
and the fields yield no food; (pantry or refrigerator empty)
Though the flock may be cut from the fold, and there no herd in the stalls (no big meals with meat or desserts!)-
Yet I will rejoice in the Lord, I will Joy in the God of my salvation." Habakkuk 3: 17-19 (everything in between parenthesis has been added by my comments =)

How can you ever give thanks to God for all the wonderful things He does in our lives... I mess up every 10 seconds in my life, I sin against him in mind or actions all the time! and all I really want to do is glorify His name with everything I do, obey and be at his service... I guess He keeps reminding me that is only by his eternal love, mercy and grace that He loves me unconditionally and is the reason for me to receive so many blessings each day.

I have awesome news! I know you will rejoice and jump with me! ready?... I met with the chemotherapy lady doctor yesterday afternoon, she said that after radiation i am gonna need about a month to recover, particularly after the 2 last weeks of radiation that aim the target of my brain. She is gonna be seeing me before I leave Shands to follow up on the progress, blood count, etc. She also said that during my recovery is very likely to develop nausea, headaches, etc... but after that month of recovery they will be calling me and running test, etc to see how I am doing....that there is a possibility (depending on those test) that I may not need chemotherapy!!!! and if by any chance the board of doctors after seeing my test there is a need for Chemo, then it will be a light one, that they have now a medicine that crosses the brain barrier for my type of cancer, and that chemo may be done by mouth taking pills and once in a while maybe by IV, but she said it will be so mild that a port will not be needed.... I couldn't stop praising God at that moment, I am in tears now... I just can't believe it, this goes beyond of whatever I though before, I am so thankful to my Lord, there is a bible verse about king Saul that says he prayed for more, long life, and God granted him the desire of his heart.... I've been praying, and as long my life is to bring glory to his name, obey him and walk in His path, I want that gift of life, what a joy to live for him and receive this perfect, beautiful gift of life.

Well, as you can see I am overwhelmed with the good news... this weekend my family in Christ is bringing my Bethany, what a present! I can't wait to see her, last time I saw her was Christmas, what a medicine our kids can be to our souls and hearts =)

Blessings to you all, I love you and God willing I will see you soon!!! very soon!

Still learning to have Faith

"Into Your hand I commit my spirit" Psalm 31:5
"I will both lie down in peace, and sleep; For you alone. O Lord, make me dwell in safety". Psalm 4:8
Sometimes it's hard to trust in God, it is easy to say, but when we go through tests in life is when we realized (I) my faith is as little or less than little than a mustard seed. I am so glad God loves me either way, no matter how small my faith goes sometimes.
As a parent I believe one of the most difficult things to do is to let go of your child, to understand that you have no power, that they are a creation of God and you are just a caretaker for the time being that God wants you to be... you never stop worrying and thinking of them (trying to have control over their lives), but wrong... God is the one in control, God is the one that says rest and be in peace cause I am God... I created your child, he/she is mine, and I love her more than you do, I will have my angels around her watching over her and I know the plans for her life.
I went a little bit crazy about my little one (confession) and somehow desperate trying to be the mom ... but God is telling me again... Don't you trust me? and I realize how weak my faith is. I still have so much to learn and to have faith in him.
As a mother I thank God I am the one going through this and not her, as a parent I believe we will carry any pain, sorrow, struggle for them, we don't wanna see them suffer ever... when I had Bethany I understood a little bit better the Love God has for us that he gave his only son to save us, and that Jesus die and carry all the shame and sin for us so that we do not die, what an amazing God we have.
Here are some pics so you get an idea about the place I am staying, The American Cancer Society Lodge, free for people receiving treatment, 50 rooms, 6 kitchen station areas, 50 refrigerator areas and 50 basket areas for freezer, etc, even the laundry soap and laundry mat is free! what a blessing for all of us...
Oh, and as a good friend said to me... my hair has gone for the holidays... so the American Cancer Society has donated a wig for me... let me know what you think about my new hair =)
God's peace and joy be all over you,

"You have turned for me my mourning into dancing; You have put my sackcloth and clothed me with gladness;" Psalm 30:11
I can't thank Him enough what He is doing with my life, he is sustaining me every moment, my faith is so small at the times, but He does not care, is not about me, is not about my faith or what I do, is all about Him and that by grace and mercy He keeps me alive, walking, eating, living...all praises to Him.
Keep my new sister in Christ Rose in prayer, today we had our second Bible study together, and she is being a blessing for me more than I am for her!
Pray for Linda (John and Mayleem Gilmore's (mother) from church) she is staying with me til Sunday, pray that she will have a safe trip home to PC. And Pray for Pam Turner, she is coming this Sunday 16th and staying with me for a week, God is providing beautiful sister to come and stay with me and help me, I can see His work on a daily basis, not only in my life, but in others.
Prayers request....yes, please keep me in prayer, radiation is not as bad as chemo they said, but it can really, really make you tired, very tired, burn you and somehow affect other parts of your body, in my case "hearing" everything is so loud to me, every time I talk or someone talks to me is like listening to a robot, the doc says the rads sometimes affect your inner ear, so is part of the process, should go back to normal, but don't know when...
That's all the happenings for now, love you all, thank you for your prayers....keep my Bethany and Ray in prayer as well please, he is playing my and his role now, so I know is not easy on him, keep praying that the Lord will give him strength and ability to do both.
Blessings and more blessings from above!

"Oh, love the Lord, all you His saints! For the Lord preserves the faithful, And fully repays the proud person.
Be of good courage. And He shall strengthen your heart. All you who hope in the Lord." Psalm 31:23-24
What a wonderful day for me, I am happy and rejoicing in the Lord... Kathy Wilson stayed this weekend with me, we prayed for "Rose" she is staying here at the Lodge and receiving radio just like me, but at the same time she is going trough a rough time with family, so she is all alone, no one with her...but we know we are never alone, God's eyes are always on us. So, when Theresa was here we were able to pray for her, give her a kierchief and start a friendship, invited her to church on Sunday (since we found a calvary chapel in the area and the ride to takes us there each sunday), the seed was planted...the rest in the hands of God... I introduce Rose to Kathy yesterday, and we had a nice breakfast together, Kathy planted another seed in that thirsty heart as well...and today, miracles of all miracles, she was all ready to go to church with us! We had one of the worship leaders talking before service while we enjoyed some muffins and tea before service (just like eastgate) and I was able to tell she was planting seeds in her hungry heart... After service Kathy and I saw her walking up front with other people and kneeling down giving her life to Christ, she knew in her broken heart that God is what she needed... Kathy and I just hug and rejoice, then the worship leader took her to the prayer room to pray for her and gave her a Bible and a study book and she was very excited about it and asked me if we can do it together (what a blessing for me)... once she is done with radio she has to go back to lake city, but there is no calvary chapel church in lake city... however, God is at work all the time! we shouldn't worry about a thing! we met a couple later on from Lake City, and they met Rose and told her they will be more than happy to give her a ride here Gainesville every Sunday for church service, they even said to her if she has no place to go in Lake City when she goes back, that they have a spare bedroom waiting for her... isn't God amazing?
I saw her later on today, and for the first time I saw her smiling... before there was just this gray look of sadness on her face, it was nice to see her smile.
Only God knows the hearts and when real changes happen, but it was wonderful to see Him at work today and how He has everything plan ahead of what we can perceive... He show us very clear to Kathy and me today that God is almighty and He is in control of everything, He showed us that we need to trust Him on a daily basis and not worry about tomorrow.
In a way I am so happy I can not see what is coming tomorrow and that I can just relax and sleep in his loving hands tonight...I feel like crossing a busy road, but being a small kid that cannot see and does not know how to cross a busy street, but I do have my loving father that is tall and can see what I can not see, and holding me with his loving right hand guides me and helps me cross... I cried out to God every day, He knows my fears, and the Bible says He hold in a bottle every one of my fears... I am humble and give glory to him every moment, if what I am going trough is worth one soul to Him, then is all worth it, I am humbled and have so much joy that trough this sickness I am bringing glory to His name, and I pray that it will stay that way.
I am at so much peace knowing that God is guiding Ray and helping him play my role and his role with Bethany, and I am at so much peace knowing that God will take care of every single need Bethany has, Bethany is His already and I know He will never forsake her, she is in His plans and I am at peace.
I pray every day that God will grant me more life as He did to king Hezekiah (15 more years of life) or even more! Psalms 90:10 says "the days of our lives are 70 years; and if by reason of strength they are eighty years," Only God knows the days of my life, I am glad He is the one in control and I don't know about them, I just keep praying that He will guide every day of life I have, that He will use for his glory every last breath of air I get, that he will keep me in His path and never let me go away from his teachings.
Well, tomorrow is a boos on my radio...so keep me in prayer, love you all, may our good Lord keep pouring his blessings on you.
Sofia

Sing, Sing, Sing and make music witht the heaven

"Gideon said to God, "if you will save Israel by my hand as you have promised-look, I will place a wool fleece on the threshing floor. If there is a dew only on the fleece and all the ground is dry, then I will know that you will save Israel by my hand, as you said". And that is what happened. Gideon rose early next day; he squeezed the fleece and wrung out of dew-a bowlful of water.
Then Gideon said to God, "Do not be angry with me. Let me make just one more request, allow me one more test with the fleece. this time make the fleece dry and the ground covered with dew. that night God did so, Only the fleece was dry; all the ground was covered with dew." Judges 7:36-40

Sometimes I wish to know what the Lord has for me tomorrow, sometimes I don't really want to know cause I don't know if I am ready for the tomorrow's happenings... I know we are not to test God in any way, but this scripture throws me off a little bit... any comments?
Today was good, I met Lucille (she is going through chemo and radio at the same time and she's lost a lot of weight), it was a blessing praying with her and her husband and give her a kierchief), I think I am blessing people by giving them a kierchief and praying for them, but in all reality I am the one being bless by doing so, there is so much in the sharing of situations that make me stop about my own problems and thinking about others, there is an spiritual exchange that I can not explain, but it is a blessing. Pray for Lucille and her cancer please.
Also pray for Ernest, he has colon cancer and is in the ICU, his wife goes every day to see him, we are hoping for the best.
I am doing good thanks God, I just ask you to keep praying that the shunt I have on my head is working properly, I still have to sleep in a sitting position, and I wake up dizzy and hearing funny...the doctors know all these, they keep saying is about time, we will see... tomorrow I will have a special session of CT Scans, etc so that they will boost and focus where the tumor area was, so instead of receiving radiation in my entire head and spinal column, the radiation will be focused on the area where the tumor was.
Humbly I ask you to keep me in prayer, God is working in amazing ways in my, and is only because of him that I keep going every day, sometimes I feel like walking in the dessert, but then I feel God's wings of love covering me when I get down, and he lifts me up and carries me... there is no way to do or go through this without him.
Have a bless day!

Thanking God Every Day

"What a God we have! And how fortunate we are to have him, this father of our master Jesus! Because Jesus was raised from the dead, we've been given a brand new life, and have everything to live for, including a future in heaven-and the future starts now! 1st Peter 1: 3-5 The Message
Thanks to my good God I am doing better day after day, nausea and headaches are not as bad as they used to, I am tolerating radiation treatments better now, and I am getting used to it as well.
I keep giving the kierchiefs and praying for others that are going through a similar situation as mine, it is a joy to do it, it is good to share our faith and pray for others and hear their stories, everyone has one. Keep in prayer Jaques a little boy 6 months old, he was born full term with only 2 and 1/2 pounds, and of course put in incubator right away... grandma was there holding this little, but very alert baby...we talked for a while, prayed for Jaques and gave her a kierchief... that little boy did not take his eyes out of my face (Theresa was looking at us while we were praying)...I know the Lord has magnificent plans for that little one, he survived although he was so small and underweight, all because God has plans for his life, I know that... Grandma is a believer, her daughters name is Bethany (like my daughter) we need to pray for her and pray that she will come to the Lord.
This is the first time that I have become so humbled I think... I am learning so much, the Lord knew my future, the Lord knew my pride and this "perfectionism" of mine, having everything under control always, everything in order, everything had to be perfect... very wrong, and God is showing me now that I was been a Martha instead of a Mary, there are more important things than having everything perfect and order, including myself! the inner me is what needs to grow, the outside does not matter. I am now in a total humble position, I have always been doing things on my own and fixing things and getting out of situations on my own...today I need help, I need help doing things, fixing and getting situations worked out....and God is providing this wonderful family in the Lord to help me through this... God is teaching me to be humble and ask for help when I need it, let pride aside and ask.
Theresa is with me this week, and I am laughing a lot! I think everyone has a gift, you learn so much from everyone, and I am learning a lot from every sister that comes and stays with me.
Please keep praying for my health, today I had my first MRI, please pray that everything is ok with the shunt and no more surgeries needed! please keep praying that God will keep lifting up family in the Lord that will be able to come and stay with me at the Lodge, and that I grow stronger and stronger every day.
God bless you all,

Miracles and more Miracles

"Ascribe to the Lord, o mighty ones, ascribe to the Lord glory and strength. Ascribe to the Lord the glory due his name, worship the Lord in the splendor of his holiness. The voice of the Lord is over the waters; the God of glory thunders, the Lord thunders over the mighty waters, the voice of the Lord is powerful." Psalm 29: 1-4
Last night I was looking for a paper with some information I was given of someone that could give me a ride to church... I looked and looked, but couldnt find it..then Beverly was able to find a list of churches in the directory of the Lodge...Calvary was one of them, Bev called and called, but there was no answer, so later on yesterday I called and someone answer, there was this guy "andrew" that for the first time was given the church building keys to pick up the last Christmas decorations, he said to me that there is no ministry that picks up and brings them to church, but he will be happy to give me and Bev a ride to church on Sunday morning, and it just happened that he was there when I called and that he was given the church keys that day...God at work is the only thing I can say.
It just happen also that today when we went to church, that my sister in Peru Maria Elena talked to me about this church and "Ted" the pastor in Gainesville, and she gave me the information, but of course I lost the info... We talked to "Ted" and he shared that they are very close to the pastor in Lima (John and Pilar Bonner), so we had a lot of common things that we shared...the church was filled with love, everyone came to say hello and introduce their selves, worship was nice and the teaching was really good.
Today I woke up very sad....one because I received the news that one of my spiritual sisters that was going through a battle of cancer like me has passed away, she is with the Lord now, and I have full confidence of that, and that gives me a lot of peace...but, really the ones that hurt are here on earth, death is difficult to assimilate no matter what....last time I saw her, about 3 weeks ago I think, she hold hands with me and said "We are sisters now, I wish your bed will be next to mine and we will be holding hands all night long" with time she became my buddy and sister in Christ, I saw her faith growing every day, every time I got in touch with her I know her heart was closer and closer to the Lord.... she's gone through way more than I am going through, she is an example for me, and she inspires me, we were suppose to go together on this battle, but the Lord call her home... Karen I am gonna miss you, but I am glad and envy in a way that you are next to the Lord now, out of pain, and at peace. She will be in my heart always.
Church service spoke directly to my heart, we went over Psalms 27 -30 and I realize how broken I am, I really want to cry all the time, I am weak, I am in pain and nausea all the time, this process is difficult, I wish I could be home with my Bethany... but the reality is that I am here, and this is a struggle for me.... I broke in tears and realize that God, Jesus is upholding me every moment, there is no way physically or mentally that I can do this without him, He is the one that is holding me up, helping me to wake up every morning and shower, get ready for breakfast (although if it will be for me I will probably skip all meals), give thanks for a new day of life, and God is holding my right hand... after service I met with Michelina and Jane at church, they pray for me, and I broke in tears, I realize how weak, how fragile I am, how miserable I feel at times and is only because of Jesus and his mercy that I am still up and walking, saying Hello to my fellow sick people here at the lodge, I am out of strength, I would spend all day in bed if is because of me, but God keeps me moving, every breath I take is because of Him, glory to him always, I am completely broken, but He is the great fixer, there is nothing impossible for him, all my praises to Him and I dont deserve anything, He is with me just because of his mercy.... can't wait for him to make me better and coming back to my Bethany and give whatever years he will grant me of life to Him, his glory and service.
Love you all!

God is amazing !!!

"It feels like cahos, but somehow there is peace, you are up to something bigger than me...." I so relate to that ok...tong, I don't know what is going on with me, I dont know what is gonna happen tomorrow, but the Lord is in control always, and that brings peace to my heart ....
Tomorrow, a new year, my prayer is that the Lord is gonna use my life in whatever way He decides to, cause I am clueless, and He has to be very loud, cause I am deaf.... He may be granting me 15 years of life just as he did to king Ezaquias, or He may give me 36 more years of life... the Bible says something about letting us go til we are 70, 80 if we r ok, so only God knows the days of our lives.
I do struggle with what is going on, on the human side, I struggle and wish everything will be back to normal, me working, bethany...but God has something planned, and I just wanna fill his will, and is and honor to me if in any way I am bringing glory to Him through this.
He is making me stronger every day, I prayed over the karchiefs tonight, so pray with me as well... I cant say to anyone that they will be cured by using this kairchiefs, but I can share the gospel with them, give them hope, and peace in the Lord that surpases all understanding. So pray with me that tomorrow that I start giving the kairchiefs God will guide me with what to say or do....
I did not know how to crochet, Bev is teaching me, I never had the time, so here she is with a lot of patients showing me how to crochet...I am excited about the project we have.
Wherever he leads me I will follow, he is my husband, my provider, my everything.
Ray left today, thank you Ray for helping me through this (I know it was scary, I ended up 2 times in the ER, but he handled it very well, we had a nice conversation, and I am glad he is going to Bethany and be the father she needs) and now he is back with Bethany that needs him a lot and know is missing both parents.
Talking about Bethany, when coming out of ER last night, somehow I heard the cry of a little one... it touched my heart, and let me understand, that I brother go through all this myself than having my Bethany going through it, us, as parents when we love our kids, we brother carry any disease, any pain than having our kids carry that... and I understood our good Jesus came for us to help us out and get this disease "sin" and carry that all in him, and even to the death He went for us, He did this because He loves us so much.
Well, I am ready to hit the bed, thanks God I am tired and ready to go to sleep...keep me in prayer please that the Lord will make me strong enough so that I can share the things of the kingdom with others.
Happy new year to you all...and my best with to all of you is that one of your new year goals will be to listen to Him and do what He wants from you.....
Love you all, happy new year

Roller Coaster to the New Year

Ray Writing for Sofia:
I hope that everyone had a safe and healthy christmas. With so many colds being passed around this season, on top of some crazy cold weather, It is a blessing that Sofia has not caught anything during this season. She is truly the Hand Sanitizer Queen! So, to catch everyone up to speed with Sofias journey, I will try my best to lay out the time line, but please forgive the fact that I am not as poetic as some of our postees... (is that a word?)
Sunday we traveled back to Gainesville and were not able to get checked into the Hope Lodge as previously thought, and since it was a holiday weekend, the check in would not happen until Tuesday. We were blessed with the donation of a hotel room at the Red Roof Inn, which was right down the road (thank you Dan and Lisa Dubreil). Sofia started her radiation treatment on Monday and we were able to go out and enjoy dinner and a movie that day. On Tuesday, things got rough from the morning on. Her nausea kept her from keeping down her medicine for her headaches which in turn caused more nausea. A terrible cycle which caused us to end up in the ER first thing this morning. She has been a trooper though. Still continuing to give gifts and think of others before herself. She was able to be cleared from the ER and still make her appointment for her radiation and the removal of her staples. Sofia was warned of some signs to look for, and was told to head to the ER if they were to appear. So unfortunately, I have to admit that I am writing you from the Emergency Room with Sofi in pain. I urge any and all of her friends, family, and followers of this blog to lift up Sofia tonight in Prayer that she gets the all clear tonight when we are seen. The fear at this time is possible issues with the stint not working properly. Please pray for comfort for Sofia to allow her body to rest and gain the strength that she needs for her battle. And to lift up that unknown caregiver that has yet to reveal themselves. We Know that the Lord has a them already picked out, for the days that she has no one to stay with her, and we ask God to reveal them and grant comfort to Sofia to know that God is Gracious and Good in all that he does for those that Love him.
Tonight, prior to our ER visit, I was able to visit the Fitness Center that is offered to the vistors of the Hope Lodge, and it is amazing. The whirlpool, steamrooms, and other things that they offer to Sofia is awesome, I am trying to encourage her to check it out to see if we can keep her Mind, body, and Soul strong and healthy.
Thank you for everyones support and we are looking forward to seeing Beverly Tinklenberg tomorrow to relieve me for a bit. On Sunday, Teresa Willis will be then be staying with Sofia for the first week of the year. From then on, the Lord will reveal those that have been called.
For anyone that would like to send Sofia something directly, her address is:

Sofia Wilcox
2121 SW 16th St.
Gainesville, FL.32608

Of course, Susan Carroll is fully involved as well with the collection of scarves and anything else dealing with Coverings for Sofia. We will continue to remember all of you in our prayers and wish all of you a safe and Happy New Year.

"My Jesus, My shelter, source of power and strength, let my self never stop to worship you"
The good Lord keeps working in my life, every step, every thing, and I thank Him, defenetely I am not good at taking decisions, so I am so glad He does for me. Honestly from my heart is not easy what I am going through, I am scared, and I wish everything be like before, working my normal hours to help paying my beautiful place and taking care of my Bethany, it is not easy to rely completely in someone, but I am learning to rely on God on everything I do, I had an important lesson to learn, and He is teaching me...also I am overwhelmed and humble that God through this is using my life to touch others, what a blessing, what an honor, He is so good.
Today we went to the house of good friends (Ray's family tradition) to spend prior Christmas at their house (they always play Mr. Clause and Mrs. Clause at DQ) the hummel's, and they were fill with love and glad to see me and Bethany. Best present received, spend time with my Bethany.
and tomorrow I am looking forward to spend Christmas with her.
Tonight we went to church of Christ and sing Christmas and Christian songs with Bethany and Ray (which he has been really good to me, and just showed compassion and care, thank you Ray) it was so nice to hear my daughter sing Holly Night next to me... It really does not matter where you go, God knows when you look to hear from him and when you want to worship him, He is a good God and understands .... the service was nice.... talking about the German soldiers in 1914's when Christmas came they stop fighting the English and French and instead start singing Christmas Carols and even exchange goods with their "enemies" since it was Christmas.... shouldn't we do the same, every day? in reality God came to this world to save us, and we should celebrate Christmas all year long... he came in a humble way as a baby that needs to be taking care of... He being a King came in the humblest way and knows pain, sorrow, He knows how we feel, cause he has gone through it...what an awesome God, being a King, came to our world and got to know about us by going through what we go through....
I don't know how in the world I will be able to go through this without Him.
Prayers request: that my Bethany gets better she has a bad cold...I have been using a mask to protect myself from getting her cold, but I need u to pray about it please... I start radiation on Monday, so I need to be healthy.
Also, God has provided me with spiritual family to go to Gainesville, I am receiving the treatment in Shands and Staying at the American Cancer Society Lodge for free, the only thing is that I cannot stay by myself, their policy is that you need someone staying with you, otherwise they kick you out and you have to pay your own hotel... (which for me is out of the question) the lodge is for free for me and my companion... so far I have Ray staying with me the first days, then my sister Lizzie for 4 days, then, my sister in Christ Teresa and Lisa Dubreuil, so from the 5 weeks of treatment I need about 3 weeks are covered, but I still need God to lift more people up that will be willing to come to Gainesville and stay with me for whatever days they can to complete my 5 week radiation treatment. Please pray for it, I know the Lord has plans already for me, so I am not really worried, He will work someone out.
Love you all, I will keep you updated as long as our awesome good, keeps giving me the energy...
Merry Christmas to you all! Jesus is the reason for the season! all praises and glory to Him!

"Glory to God, Glory to God here and in heaven, take my life and use it for you and for you glory, take my life and let it be yours"...what a beautiful song... cant wait to get strong enough and to back to church and sing to our Lord.
As you know I am back home, the shunt surgery was simpler than the first one, but took me a little bit longer to get over it, having something inside your body, always makes you recuperate a little bit slower and you get more pain.
Updates, the Lord is an amazing God, today while my sister Julia from church was visiting one of the Landlords stopped by to say that they will hate to lose me as a tenant, so what about if I get a roommate to help me with rent, that they r ok with that...so I am praying, and ask you my to pray about it too, if is the Lord's will, He will send someone.
Challenge (not really my challenge, God is in control of everything) is God lifting someone up that will be willing to come with me to Gainesville for my 5 weeks of treatment...The American Cancer Society Lodge has accepted me, at no cost I can stay at the lodge during treatment, u guys will not believe the place , 6 laundry machines and dryers (they even provide the soap at no cost), 6 kitchen stations all set with pans, pots, utensils, etc, playing room, dining room and a beautiful garden, all for free for the patients receiving treatment and their companion...yeap that is a rule, while u receive treatment u need someone to stay with you...otherwise they will kick u out and you have to pay (afford you own hotel) there is no way I can afford a hotel, so I am praying and pray for it too that our good Jesus will lift someone up to be there with me... for now Ray is going to go with me til the 28th... but Bethany needs a parent, and he has to work too, so ...my sister Lizzie will come and help from the 28th till the first I believe (so pray I need someone to stay with me for 4 full weeks), most of my sisters and brothers have work and kids, so in human eyes, this seems impossible, but for our God there is nothing impossible, He is the maker of the stars and us made in his image, I am learning to rely on Him more and more....
Please keep praying for my health too, although the nurses and doctors were amazing at shands, they are short handed, so one night I had a nurse that was called in, pray for her too, her name is Marting (is a she) seems she is knew or maybe she is in love and her mind is somewhere else.... well, she forgot one of the doctor indications for me, and seems now I am paying the price for it... I went to my primary dr. and he we are hoping for the best results on this one, praying this is something simple, nothing to worry about. Either way I am seeing the drs. on the 27th that I start radiation, and on the 3rd I will b seeing the specialist of this matter.... the awesome thing is that God knows what we need even before we ask...and that our spirit make unrecognizable sounds when we pray... God is sooooo good, even when we dont know what we ask for, he already knows...how amazing is Him....
OK dont know if I will see you all before or after christmas, I will play it by year. so for now MERRY CHRISTMAS AND HAPPY NEW YEAR!

Know that you are the spiritual family that God has bless me with =)
Sofia

Isaiah 38 I was reminded of that Bible scripture today by Sue which talked to a lady christian converted from the Islam believes. She told her to tell me about this scripture, so Sue read the scripture for me...and is one of my favorites, this king was told by the prophet Isaiah that God was going to take his life.. the decision was made already by God, however this king of Judah Hezekaih cried out to God and told him he was not ready, God had compassion on him and God granted him 15 more years of life.... this Bible chapter always puzzled me, because God had already a plan and made a decision, however He decided to change it and grant 15 more years of life to this man! I feel like I've been through the valley of the death, and that this life (whatever time God is giving me) is a present from Him, to be around Bethany teach her about the Lord, and who knows if God wants to use me and honor to serve him in any way He wants... what a present! life! and what a present to be able to move and share this life of ours with others, I dont know yet what the Lord has for me, but I can see better in what direction He wants me to go... One of the things I learned from here is that no matter what u do as a job, as long as you glorify God with every beat you have is good, and Jesus came to serve not to be served, it means so much when u r sick if someone just comes around praising the Lord in song or reading the bible to you when you cannot,,,I been in the bed, I know now those things mean a lot to us the sick....I did not know before....
Praises to God as usual, keep me in your prayers since I am having trouble with my right ear, I dont know whats the matter, the doctor will see me tomorrow....if the Lord wants me a little bit deaf on one ear is ok, is his will. maybe a reminder so I dont forget all the wonders he has done in my life.....and that whatever life is to come is a present He is giving me... they shaved my head again, the head neurosurgeon laugh when he saw me and rubbed on my head and said.. I cant believe how fast and thick you hair is....cause it is growing again, no more chemicals this time though, so get use to Sofia with gray hair, and they say it may grow curly this time since has been shaved so many times, and after chemo and radio, it does not matter, a good brother from church told me "the beauty of a woman is not in her hair" and that meant a lot, it is true, that is just the frame of our face, our inner heart is what matter, our true self...what is inside, is easy to say, but gotta be honest I am vain, and vanity is one of the things I believe the Lord is working on me, I feel sometimes like a piece of wood, that he is polishing, pressing, carving day by day, there are so many things He needed to work on....He is an awesome God, He does not quit on us, He keeps going no matter how much work we mean, He is the Lion and the Lamb, ....how great is our God, sing with me how great is our God and all we see how great, how great is our God....

Friday, December 17, 2010

Hi all,

Please pray for Sofia. She is having difficulty getting rid of the effects of the anesthesia and is experiencing nausea and can't eat solids yet. She has head pain and abdominal pain from the incisions, and is experiencing some discouragement.

A praise report: The doctors are encouraged with Sofia's progress, the shunt doesn't show at all (more important for a woman, I think) and her hair is growing back already! Today, she gave a card of congratulations to her primary doctor to honor the birth of his new daughter. Dr. Murad just shook his head in amazement at her consideration of what is important in his life while she has so much going on in her life. This is so typical of what endears people to Sofia. Yeah God! What a wonderful daughter you have in Sofia!

Blessings to all of you,

Sue

Thursday afternoon, 12/16/10

Hi to all,

Sofia made it through surgery well, and is now back in her room. She is very sleepy, but whispers coherently when asked questions by the doctor, and has squeezed my hand with her right hand (the one that they were afraid might not work) with surprising strength! Praise God! Dr. Murad said that she may even go home tomorrow! I understand that he is on the conservative side, so the decision to send her home considering the long car trip, will necessarily factor into his decision. Her first words were, "I'm alive!" And, "thanks be to God!" She is still "loopy" (her word, not mine) from the anesthesia, and will probably go into the night with some of that feeling.

Thanks to all of you for your prayers for Sofia and to those of you who are also praying for me. When other decisions have been made, I will update all of you through this e-mail and also her blog. www.sofiawilcox.blogspot.com.

Grace and peace,

Sue

Glory to God, Glory to God in heaven and earth.
My surgery has been postponed til tomorrow sometime in the morning, I have so much peace and joy that I can not explain, God is giving me the energy to write this down now.
Sue is an amazing sister in the Lord, she has been so good to me and stays 24/7 with me, encourages me and we are learning from each other. She is a real blessing and I know she is keeping you posted when I cant.
God knows the reason I am here today, God knows the reason I was sent to Shands and knows better the reason I need this next surgery, he knows better what is best for me, I don't know nothing...if it is for me believe me I dont wanna know anything about surgeries anymore, but I trust in the Lord and that he wants what is good for me, he sees what I cant, he is my eyes, my shelter.
if this go well, they will allow me to go home this sunday, which means spending christmas with bethany, the best christmas gift ever, a real christmas miracle it will be.
The spinal puncture today was much better, thank you for all that prayed for me, the pain was not as bad, and I know the power of prayer, thank you again.
Dont know whats to happen tomorrow, I know I will be out of touch for a couple of days til I recover strength again after surgery, whatever happens I am at so much peace, that I know only the Lord can have given me...I am afraid at times, but I think about my Jesus and it goes away, I pray without ceasing, I ask you to pray for me, recovery time and please pray for my Bethany, Ray is doing an amazing job as a father and watching over her, pray for him as well.
Love you all, keep praising God, his best gift is that he sent his only son to die for our sins for all the ones that believe and gave his/her life to him, so no matter what happens we have victory already, here in earth or heaven if he send us home, we are victorious, he loves us so much.
In christ,
sofia

Wednesday afternoon, 12/15/10

Sofia's surgery had to be postponed for today and it is now hoped to be scheduled for tomorrow. Apparently, there have been several emergencies today which have crowded the already complicated schedule which would push the surgical request for her surgery until 2AM. SO, Sofia wants to eat, and by delaying the surgery until tomorrow, Sofia can eat tonight. She will have Cuban food, from a local restaurant, which is sort of similar to her native Peruvian cuisine, and she is smiling with anticipation.

Please pray for the others here, too. One couple has just taken their daughter of her life support and the whole family is just waiting...Another couple brought their son in by air ambulance. Their son is 23 and needs a lung transplant now--average wait time = 7 mos.

Sofia is the texting queen and stays in touch with those on her text list who do not have e-mail or internet access. More than that is too tiring, but between us, we are attempting to keep all of you informed.

We do trust that everything is in God's hands and timing.

In Christ,

Sue

Wednesday morning, December 15

Sofia had her 2nd lumbar puncture this morning, and though the pressure had dropped to 18, the doctors have determined that she does need a VP shunt. Sofia is willingly submitting to God's will and the doctor's recommendations, and we continue to pray. The surgery will probably be around 2pm or 3pm this afternoon with pre-op taking an hour before and post-op being a couple of hours after. She will be returned to this room then. And, I will continue to be here nearly 24/7. Right now, she is sleeping quietly as she recovers from the procedure.

Last night, I slept luxuriously! I thought of you, Rob, with your comment about the lack of comfort in Tonj, and about the minimally-supplied clinic there also. Found for me was an upholstered vinyl chair that made out into a 7-foot bed and was wide enough for a 300 pound person! I slept right through all of the night nursing things done to and for Sofia! I felt a bit guilty about that. Praise God for His goodness for taking care of me too!

Sofia has a bed that even gives her an occasional massage so that she does not get any bed sores, but she is up and moving and taking care of her own personal hygiene and eating when they let her, so that is a luxury that she does not need as much.

Please pray mightily for Sofia's surgical success and for her surgical team headed by Dr. Murad, and ultimately for her complete healing.

I will keep you posted as there are developments.

Blessings and thanks to all of you caring people.

Sue

Tues., 12/14 evening

Hello once again from Shands,

Well, there's good news and some 'maybe' news. Sofia's primary neurosurgeon came in earlier this evening. The good news is that there will be no need to reopen the original surgery site in order to repair a hole in the fascia (sp?). The 'maybe' news is that she may still need to have a shunt installed tomorrow afternoon thus lessening the fluid's pressure and allowing the surgical site to continue to heal. One determining factor will be what the pressure measured by tomorrow morning's lumbar puncture will be. Today's was 19 with 20 becoming critical. Since today's pressure was 'borderline', tomorrow's pressure measurement will either lead the team either toward or away from surgery tomorrow afternoon--with the former being a distinct possibility.

Sofia continues to quietly speak in amazed tones about the differences in our plans and God's. She requests that we all please pray that God's will will be done about the shunt because she does not know what is best. Also, the mere thought of having another lumbar puncture brings tears to her eyes because today's was so painful, so please pray about that too.

We thank you all for being a part of her treatment team as you pray for her continued healing. That knowledge gives her much peace. She is really grateful not to be alone and to have you all to think about as well as her medical 'business'.

Good night, and I'll update you when there's more known. She just said, "Keep praising the Lord 'cuz he is good." And then she gave a big sigh. She is a blessing to be around! And, I am grateful to be here.

Grace and peace,

Sue

Shands, Tuesday, December 14, 2010

Hi to all Eastgaters and beyond,

I am writing this with Sofia's knowledge to give you the news. We were seen right away when we arrived at the ER last night. There were many who came to see her for treatment purposes and it was bittersweet for them to see her again. With all of that activity, neither of us got much sleep. But we got here safely and there was no black ice or snow during our trip, so we are both thankful for that.

There was a tiny hole on the right side of the 5th staple up from the bottom of her incision. It was leaking spinal fluid, so they sewed it up to prevent infection from entering the brain. She has been admitted to room 115-08, for how long we do not know. Several tests were completed today: blood work, a urinalysis, a CT scan and a lumbar puncture. Preliminary results show that there is reason to believe that there may be another hole in the next layer below the skin, called the fascia (I'm not sure of the spelling) which will need to be closed. Also, the dr. who did the lumbar puncture said that 'the pressure is a little higher than they would like.' The medical team is now discussing the value of a new surgery. If done, it would consist of closing the still existing hole and / or putting in a shunt to drain the fluid, but no surgery has been scheduled at this time.

Sofia and I have both caught up on our sleep today and she is looking rested, texting one-handed, directing nurses and questioning doctors.

She prefers to text only, and that will be as she has energy and time, and requests that, if you are wanting to phone for information, that you talk to me at 850 890 1618 as she has put in her voicemail message. For your convenience, I will try to have that phone on me at all times. I know that you are all concerned, so you may call most any time. One or both of us will probably be up! That is the nature of hospital life. For the time being, I am sleeping in her room only leaving to take care of necessities or to give her privacy.

Sofia has 2 specific prayer requests: 1. that they do not have to install a shunt and 2. that they do not have to do another lumbar puncture as it is very painful even though the dr. doing that procedure is very experienced.

The nurses are great and so are the doctors! We are very grateful for your prayers and your calls, and that Sofia is receiving such thorough care. We pray that you will continue to keep Sofia, and all who are caring for her, in your prayers. Visitors are welcome, and visiting hours are flexible.

We miss you all very much and will try to watch at least one service on Sunday. We will let you know if and when we are watching.

Sofia says, "God bless you all and God is giving me the strength to do all this. Praises to Him always."

Bye for now,

Sue